Note: Note: Do not read on if you have not seen Season 3, Episode 15 of Fox's "Glee," entitled "Big Brother."
Welcome back, Gleeks! "Glee" may have been off the air for two months, but back at McKinley High, things haven't changed a bit. Well, except for the fact that Quinn Fabray is now temporarily paralyzed from her car accident.
As for Rachel and Finn's impromptu wedding? It didn't happen. But that's okay because now they can get married in someplace special -- like the pitcher's mound at Wrigley Field. That is, if Finn and Rachel even make it to their wedding. With her eyes set on New York, Rachel's not looking to compromise with her boyfriend, who's currently California dreamin' with Puck.
Back in the choir room, we find out that Quinn's spine was severely compressed in the car accident, meaning that she can't move her feet or legs. But wait! Quinn says that she's starting to regain feeling, and promises the glee club that she will be dancing on that Nationals stage in no time.
Now that Quinn's in a wheelchair, she's obviously BFFs with Artie.
Of course Artie wants to make sure that Quinn's being realistic, so he tries to show her that being in a wheelchair isn't so bad -- by singing Elton John's "I'm Still Standing." You see, Quinn? Dancing is always more fun when you're in a wheelchair. Well, except for Six Flags, which Artie tells Quinn isn't that much fun at all.
Originally, I thought that they were setting up a potential romance between Quinn and Artie -- because that's just so typical of "Glee" -- but then I realized that Quinn might just be getting it on with teen Jesus, Joe Hart. Oh, high school.
Meanwhile, Blaine's older brother Cooper Anderson comes to town, and he's a bonafide commercial star -- as in, he stars in a lot of commercials. But to everyone in Lima, Ohio, he's pretty much their equivalent of a celebrity. Honestly, I can relate. If I saw this guy on the street, I'd totally ask him to sign my breast too, Sue.
Speaking of Sue, she's once again pro-glee club, but there's always a catch. Roz Washington (NeNe Leakes) has convinced Principal Figgins to let her co-captain the Cheerios with Sue. Naturally, Sue is not happy. So she tells Figgins that she can help the glee club win Nationals -- and their $10,000 prize. If she succeeds, she gets her Cheerios all to herself.
But that's not Sue's only problem. She's definitely pregnant, and there's no amount of "WTF?!" responses that will convince Ryan Murphy and the writers otherwise. Sue's preggers with a baby girl, but that's not all. At her check-up, the doctor tells her that there were some irregularities in her amnio test, meaning that her daughter could very well have Down syndrome.
I've always felt that the relationship between Sue and Becky was one of "Glee's" finest accomplishments. After everything they've done to destroy Jane Lynch's character, seeing Sue interact with Becky always felt very maternal and organic. Hopefully, this is a sign that the two will be spending even more time together in future episodes.
Meanwhile, it turns out that Cooper's idea of great acting is Nicolas Cage. Yeah, Cooper's that kind of character. He also says things like, "Don't be a stranger, follow me on Twitter."
But let's just talk about Matt Bomer. I mean, talk about perfect casting. Okay, so being a "White Collar" fan, I might be just a tiny bit biased, but as far as "Glee" guest stars go, he was definitely one of my favorites. For the first time in a months, I found myself laughing along with "Glee" and not at it. He's no NeNe Leakes, but not everyone can be that fabulous.
Blaine and Cooper's cover of Gotye's "Somebody That I Used To Know" was definitely the highlight of the episode, despite the fact that the song is actually meant to be sung by two frustrated ex-lovers. But, hey, who cares? Blaine and Cooper obviously don't!
Are we just supposed to believe that high school students in this century know Duran Duran's entire catalogue?
Also, Darren Criss delivered some serious face this episode. In fact, I'm sure Criss didn't intend for all of that face to make it into the final cut of "Fighter," but you can't say that he wasn't trying. Also, he's in the shower singing about his brother. Does anyone else see this hilarity of this?
Boxer Blaine returned this week, and as he was brooding his way down the McKinley halls, all I could think about was how similar it was to Zac Efron's seminal performance of "Scream" in "High School Musical 3: Senior Year." (If you want to smile today, please watch the video below).
Now, here are a few things that I think "Glee" could do without:
- Rory's short-shorts
- Kurt's mesh tank top
- Mr. Schue's double thumbs up
- Sugar's giant hair bow
- Teen Jesus' (Samual Larsen) bare feet
- Booty camp
"I'm not texting anyone. I'm donating to the Obama campaign."
"Oh, I understand. The doctor had to shine a light in your vajayjay to get all of the bats to fly off."
"Sue, we need to talk about what happened at Booty Camp."
-- Mr. Schue
"First of all, I have no idea who Porcelain is referring to. I'm assuming that it's gay and niche."
"Always, always turn into a pose."
-- Cooper Anderson
"The key to a dramatic scene is pointing."
-- Cooper Anderson
"Kids, it's in my DNA to be intense. Just like it's in Porcelain's DNA to poop rainbow glitter."
"New York is about the work you do and not about the work you've had done."
"Glee" airs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Fox.
Follow Crystal Bell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/newyorkbell