02/13/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Rickey Henderson's Hall of Fame Induction Speech

Rickey would like to thank the Hall of Fame for making a bronze statue of Rickey. Rickey looks dapper in bronze. Rickey looks even better in a uniform and neon-green Mizuno batting gloves. Would anybody like to hire Rickey?

Rickey can run. Not could run. Can run. Rickey keeps himself in "Rickey Shape" by lifting bases over Rickey's head and chanting "Rickey's The Greatest Of All Time."

When Rickey played for the A's, Rickey's teammates used performance enhancing drugs that made them almost as good as Rickey. If Rickey took those drugs, you'd get "Super-Rickey." "Super-Rickey" is too good and it wouldn't be fair for everyone who's not Rickey.

Rickey was a great a teammate. Just ask that guy who played second base when Rickey was in Oakland. He wasn't as good as Rickey, but Rickey got paid a lot more, so Rickey didn't mind. Rickey doesn't remember his name.

Or ask that guy who always wore a helmet. Or both of them. Rickey played with two guys who always wore helmets. Don't know if they know each other, but they both love Rickey.

People used to say "Rickey's being Rickey." That is true. Rickey was Rickey when slid into home-plate after hitting a home run. Rickey was Rickey when he got frostbite in August. And Rickey was Rickey when he was Rickey being Rickey. But Rickey does not understand why this was a controversy. Who else would Rickey be when he's being Rickey?

Here are some people who Rickey is not:

Dave Henderson

Mike Gallego

Richard Pryor

Peter Gammons

Everybody else who ain't Rickey. Rickey does not recall their names.

There's only one Rickey. Rickey broke Lou Brock's record. Ty Cobb's record. Babe Ruth's record. Rickey knows their names because Rickey is better than them. Rickey is the greatest of all time.

Now if you'll excuse me, Rickey needs to go stand naked in front of a mirror and say, "Rickey's the best." Because Rickey is the best.