So many political action groups are founded with names like "Americans for Change", "Concerned Citizens for Change" and "People for Change". Bruce Springsteen and his pals headlined last year's "Vote for Change" tour. Well, ever the contrarian, I am trying to set myself apart by starting my own group. "People Against Change." Yes, that's right, I am actually against change. Specifically of the loose variety. Oh I know I'm going to stir up the pot with this one. So read on... if you dare.
At the risk of sounding penny-wise and pound foolish, I hereby propose that there is something we should have done long ago to shore up our flagging economy. In short, we need to do away with the penny. That's right. You heard me. The time has come for the little copper cutie of our currency to be taken out of circulation. I can't even imagine that continuing to mint new pennies is cost-effective. I'll bet that it costs more than a penny per penny. Don't fight it. You know I'm right. Come on, when was the last time you bent down to pick up a penny? Not even worth the effort anymore is it? Frankly I've got my sights fixed on the nickel... and maybe even the dime, too. But I'm a believer in having tentative swimmers enter the pool from the shallow end. So first things first... let's begin by taking out the penny. "But Dan..." I hear you inquiring... "Do you have a plan? Or are you just mouthing off with your usual unsupported blarney?" Well this time, I actually do have a plan.
The course correction I envision must begin at the point of sale. It must be a compact observed by consumer and merchant alike. And it's all about rounding up and down. Say you are in a store and paying in cash. If the total is nine cents over the dollar or less, the cashier has to round it down and wave the balance. Sounds good, right? Well now to be fair, I think we need to commit to this rule in reverse, just so we're not hurting the small businessman. So if your total is $6.91, just pay seven bucks and be on your way. It's kind of institutionalizing the old "Take a Penny, Leave a Penny" concept. We can handle that, can't we?
My fellow Americans, this idea is about more than just helping the economy. It's also about helping people. Isn't it time that we all felt some relief from the heavy burden of the loose change that's been weighing down each and every one of us? After all, none of us likes having the coffee cans full of change in our homes. We just want enough handy for the occasional parking meter or vending machine when our crinkly dollars aren't crisp enough to go through. But that's about it, right? Coins are not like real money anymore. We hate getting them back from a purchase. How often do we have to make the poor schnook behind the counter wait for us while we dig around looking for our unwanted coins just so we can only get folding money back at the conclusion of a transaction? And, if you don't have any change, well you don't want to take any on. It's sort of like monetary hot potato. Face it, if you're like me, these nuisance units of exchange will only roll out of your pockets in the car, on the couch or in a restaurant somewhere. Or, if you're lucky enough to have efficient pockets, they will later be heard clinking around the clothes dryer, confounding everyone in the house as to what the noise could possibly be.
I know that we as a people have a hard time letting go, but it's time. Abe Lincoln wouldn't even mind, I'm sure. He's still got the fiver, so he'd be totally cool. My point is that plenty of other economies have had to revise their currency. Let's not be so egotistical as to believe that we don't need to take a hard look at our own. I think this could be a baby step in the right direction. What do you think? Penny for your thoughts.