Fear and Loathing in the Conservative Blogosphere

I promised myself a while ago that I would never steal Hunter Thompson's oft-used phrase; my writing already draws too many comparisons to the man's as it is, which was fun and flattering the first few times, but has since become the source of a gnawing, Holden Caulfield-like insecurity about the possible phoniness of my craft. But the hell with that. The weird, bent direction of the major conservative blogs deserves no title so well as this one. Besides, if Keith Olbermann can rip off the Granddaddy of Broadcast Journalists every time he signs off his show, I can certainly burglarize from the King of the Gonzos.

Right. To the point. Since the election of Barack Obama just a week ago, the conservative blogosphere -- never a place for sober reflection -- has become a nightmare bizarro world in which up is down, black is white, and George Bush is a brilliant orator.

No, seriously. Witness John Hinderaker, one of the trio of bloggers behind the conservative Power Line Blog, in a post from two days ago:

"Obama thinks he is a good talker, but he is often undisciplined when he speaks. He needs to understand that as President, his words will be scrutinized and will have impact whether he intends it or not. In this regard, President Bush is an excellent model; Obama should take a lesson from his example. Bush never gets sloppy when he is speaking publicly. He chooses his words with care and precision, which is why his style sometimes seems halting. In the eight years he has been President, it is remarkable how few gaffes or verbal blunders he has committed. If Obama doesn't raise his standards, he will exceed Bush's total before he is inaugurated."

Until reading this, it seemed impossible to me that one could have lived on planet Earth over the past eight years, have followed politics closely, and actually hold the opinion that President Bush has actually committed remarkably "few gaffes or verbal blunders." How is it possible? What sort of drug-induced torpor would a man have to be in to consider Bush a thoughtful, well-spoken man?

No, no. It can't be drug-induced. I may not be an expert, but I have enough experience in these matters to know that even a serious dope fiend couldn't hold this opinion. It has to be something worse. Something even more depraved.

As the conservative movement licked its wounds over the past week and decided how to move forward, a lot of talk centered on who should step into the leadership positions, especially the ones that have the responsibility of getting Republicans elected: the chairmen of the NRSC, NRCC and RNC. Yesterday, Michelle Malkin wrote a blog entry in which she came out against Newt Gingrich for RNC chair. The reason? Wait for it ...

Because he's too nice to Democrats! "He cuddled Nancy Pelosi on Al Gore's global warming couch," Malkin fumed, "and he's played footsie with Hillary Clinton on health care."

Yeah, ace, you read that right. Newt Gingrich is too bipartisan to be the RNC chair. And those are hardly extreme examples of the conservative-blog genre over the last week. Too much, too much. Life appears to have passed them by. How long until a major conservative blogger finally suffers a complete breakdown, disassociates from reality, and starts pretending that Bush is still president?

It all comes down to the GOP's fiction-based community. As Ron Suskind noted in a 2004 article, one Bush aide told him "that guys like me were 'in what we call the reality-based community,' which he defined as people who 'believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.' ... 'That's not the way the world really works anymore,' he continued. 'We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors...and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.'"

But what happens when that fictional "reality" the GOP has created comes crashing down on the heads of all the people who bought a ticket to the dance? What happens when, at long last, reality demonstrates that it goes along pretty much whichever way it wants, the wishes of a tiny speck of a human being be damned?

The implosion of the Republican Party itself came last Tuesday. But the implosion of the pseudo-reality it tried to create and the conservative pundit class that actually bought into this uber-bullshit has only just begun. It will be long, it will be painful to witness, and many will not survive. Rome is burning.

Comments

[lastcallmd]

Look folks, all of this same stuff was said about the Dems when the Republicans took over. It's all different, this group or that group is eternally ascendent, etc. etc. Everyone is entitled to their day to gloat but watch out. It always comes back to bite you as it will with Obama. 2 months in, everyone will have forgotten he's black and will be after him just like any President who doesn't follow their particular agenda.

[crank]

Bush is the decider. He decided a lot. He also decided not to think about the things he did'nt decide on. He will go down in history as "The Great Decider." Maybe someday he will appear in your pumpkin patch. In the meantime I will wait for him to appear in my pumpkin patch.

[Russycle]

Thanks for that quote from Hinderaker, I haven't read anything that funny in weeks. And the fact that he's serious makes it so much better. It's like these guys have fallen into a massive black hole of denial, which reality cannot penetrate.

[Jamie Frevele - Huffpost Blogger]

Very enlightenng! It's like they've created some sort of parallel universe bunker!

[isadora]

This is what we've been fighting, and we won. Now it's looking like a gladiatorial fight as I try to avoid becoming one of the two women at the beginning of Spartacus who chose one man each to fight to the death for the women's amusement. In the past we did their work for them by fighting among ourselves. Now I think we've learned and can engage in a spectator sport while they tear each other up. Bravo! It feels great.

[OutragedMom]

When I first read it, I thought it was a joke. Then I read the comments. Am I the only one who worries about the 50+ million voters who are so unintelligent and uneducated that they buy that crap?

[mommadona]

Very good benchmark post.

I agree, it won't be short or sweet.
They have too many of their own to eat.

[proreality]

So far as the blog, I guess we just misunderestimated GB's verbal skills. So far as the implosion that will be "long and to painful to watch" I believe many of us will take great pleasure in watching it and pray that it doesn't take too long.

[RaderBarbarian]

I would not recommend that you continue to read rightwing dribble. It does rot the mind, you know, and you will become less for having done it. Think of it like smoking; it might be fun in an addictive sort of way, but there is no getting around the fact that it isn't good for you.

[XME]

"How long until a major conservative blogger finally suffers a complete breakdown, disassociates from reality, and starts pretending that Bush is still president?"

Considering Bush has been president in name only (not actions) for quite some time now, I'd say they suffered that breakdown several years ago!

As for your comment that, "It will be long, it will be painful to witness, and many will not survive"...I beg to differ. It will be glorious to witness!

[RobinLandseadel]

"Bush never gets sloppy when he is speaking publicly."

"Why is our children not learning?"

"And they have no disregard for human life."

"And so, in my State of the—my State of the Union—or state—my speech to the nation, whatever you want to call it, speech to the nation—I asked Americans to give 4,000 years—4,000 hours over the next—the rest of your life—of service to America. That's what I asked—4,000 hours."

"Removing Saddam Hussein was the right decision early in my presidency, it is the right decision now, and it will be the right decision ever."

"I welcome you all to say a few comments to the TV, if you care to do so."

"I'm going to try to see if I can remember as much to make it sound like I'm smart on the subject."

There's 13 pages of this stuff that Slate compiled for your endless bemusement:

http://www.slate.com/id/76886/

[jcorrington]

And lets not forget that storehouse of great presidential speeches that Letterman has with all the bush comics!

[stino]

HELLO? Does anyone understand the symbolic nature of his decision not to vote?
He can be more objective this way, it's not his job to choose sides, but to appeal to
logic. If his loyalty lies with one party across the board, it's too black and white...not
enough room for the interrogation and inspection of all the philosophies at play.
Besides, maybe he's not even a democrat.

[Lolotehe]

"Bush never gets sloppy when he is speaking publicly. He chooses his words with care and precision, which is why his style sometimes seems halting. In the eight years he has been President, it is remarkable how few gaffes or verbal blunders he has committed."

After reading this, I'm pretty sure that I accidentally fell through a dimensional portal last night/this morning; perhaps I rolled into it in my sleep. It was probably opened by some lightning storm a la "The Watcher in the Woods" or something like that.

[WindyW]

In many ways, when W took office I think they were trying to play as if Reagan were still President, sort of like the person who keeps trying to recapture the "glory days" of high school by maintaining that really, really big Aqua-Netted 80s hair.

[DPacheco]

Yeah, but...

Um, Bush is still president.

[Dan Sweeney - Huffpost Blogger]

Point taken. Obviously, the "How long until a major conservative blogger finally suffers a complete breakdown, disassociates from reality, and starts pretending that Bush is still president?" was meant for a post-Jan. 20 world.