Whenever I see that post making its rounds on Facebook that says, "One of the truest signs of maturity is the ability to disagree with someone while still remaining respectful" I want to dig up the bodies of the half a million dead Iraqis and demand that they start showing some damn respect.
The people who are demanding that we, "reach out," and, "politically engage," or even worse, the completely cringe inducing, "raise the vibration," are completely and utterly missing the point. Let's gloss over the fact that the alt-right (which is a political euphemism of epic mental acrobatics to rename what can only be called white supremacists, and who were also one of the driving forces behind the President-elect) has still never acknowledged President Obama as legitimate, or allowed that folks should be free to choose whom they marry. Let's instead jump to the following scenario:
Two carpenters are discussing how to frame a house.
Carpenter one says, "We should use studs every 14 inches and joist hangers for strength and longevity."
Carpenter two says, "Nope, we can toenail those studs in because it's quicker and cheaper but we'll put them on 12 inch centers to make up for it."
That's polite disagreement. That's respectful discourse.
Then Carpenter three shows up.
Carpenter three says, "Guys, guys, let's hold the whole thing together with bubblegum. It will be fast and cheap and make the entire place smell like cinnamon. We'll save a fortune on holiday potpourri!" Now the polite discourse should end. The first two carpenters should send the third one packing, with exactly as much respect as he or she deserves, which is none at all.
Or imagine two rocket scientists discussing a Mars landing. Scientist one says, "Let's go with a controlled descent for safety."
Scientist two goes, "Nope, let's drop it like a rock, but use an inflatable landing bubble." Respectful discussion follows.
Then Scientist three shows up and is all, "Fellas, you got it all wrong. The sun goes AROUND the earth, not the other way around. We can get to Mars based on our faith in God."
End of polite discussion. That third voice does not deserve a place at the table. Not even remotely.
More on topic, pretend two policy wonks are discussing the AIDS epidemic and one says that we should encourage condom use, and the other says we should have more sex education in schools. Then a third wonk comes in and says, "What epidemic? AIDS is God's punishment for those who are gay. And by the way, homosexuality can be cured!" Kick that third guy out of the discussion. Do not "respect" his point of view, do not have "polite discourse" with him. Do not even acknowledge that his ideas are worthy of discussion or consideration. They are not, not when people are dying in agony, not when families are being torn apart by sexual politics. Respecting this guys is NOT a sign of maturity, it is a sign of cowardice.
When the third person walks into the climate change discussion and says, "What climate change? That's a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese," then we are right to discount that person's point of view, the same as we should discount someone who doesn't believe in gravity or insists that lizard people live among us (about 12 million Americans believe this, by the way).
When you're trying to work through the complicated and subtly nuanced minefield of immigration and someone comes in and says, "Yo, build a wall, a big, beautiful wall," does that guy deserve "respectful discourse?" If you're having trouble deciding, and need some precedent to push you over the edge, remind yourself that the same guy suggested that it's not only acceptable but worthy of bragging rights to grab half the population by the genitals. Give that guy the "mature discussion" that he deserves, which is exactly zero.
And when that metaphorical third person that I've been describing is advocating lunacy that actually promotes violence and hatred, when they support policy that is not only crazy, but murderous, then no, I will not speak "respectfully and maturely" with them. I will not sit pleasantly across the Thanksgiving table with them. I will not act as if these are normal, acceptable positions or that this was a normal, acceptable election. I will not sit respectfully at a table with slave owners or members of ISIS (or any of the religious death cults that are currently proliferating in America) or gay conversion advocates or white supremacists.
There is a time for polite and respectful discourse. Discussion and communication are key to forging a stronger republic. Now is not that time. There are lunatics taking over the capital who want us to build the house using bubblegum: hateful, radioactive, bigoted bubblegum.