Gossip Girl: Naughty Pupils

After a weekend of sports, I was fiending for my Gossip Girl fix. Let's get right into the recap:

8:03 - Blair's dad and dog are wearing matching argyle sweaters. Guess they are meeting with the Colony Club later.

8:04 - Is there another group of people on the planet that takes breakfast as seriously as the characters on Gossip Girl?

8:05 - I don't even know where to begin with Chuck's hazy memories. Da Vinci Code orgy? Kubrick homage? Thai opium flashback?

8:07 - Blair and her minions are dressed like Skittles.

8:12 - Oh, Dorota, quit your day job - you could have an awesome career as a dashing French spy.

8:20 - Come on people, if all the students had to turn in their phones how does everyone in the courtyard know about the most recent Gossip Girl report?

8:22 - Chuck looks higher than Michael Phelps at a frat party. I say this only to point out that I bet Michael Phelps can take a bong hit like no one else on the planet.

8:23 - Dan surprises Blair in the girl's bathroom. Am I the only one who'd like to see him pull a Jack Bass in here?

8:25 - Wow, good for Serena, she just had a really mature take on dealing with Gossip Girl. Her reasonableness almost undermines the premise of the entire series.

8:27 - Chuck Bass with a 646 area code on his cell? Preposterous.

8:28 - Nelly Yuki, you devil. I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume she doesn't watch The Wire, but she should know that snitches get stitches.

8:31 - Blair laments her darkest hour. I think she's speaking literally about putting on her eye mask.

8:35 - If you see a homeless man with kind eyes walking a bulldog in a sweater vest, you know the backstory.

8:37 - Ms. Carr, there's an emergency meeting taking place about the alleged affair you're having with a student, and who do you pencil in for a romantic café rendezvous?

8:38 - Hell yeah, Serena's about to barge in there and start throwing haymakers...or just stay outside and take a picture with her cell phone. I guess that's the difference between men and women.

8:44 - Words can not do justice to the absurdity of Chuck's story line right now. Instead, just picture me twisting my face into a ball of frustration and bewilderment.

8:47 - My roommate just enlightened me that this episode "is all about metaphors". Then he insisted that the series as a whole is a metaphor for the war in Iraq.

8:49 - What a horrible episode so far for Pea Coat Danny. Everyone's angry at him, he's in a sex-less love triangle, and he hasn't even done anything wrong.

8:54 - Sorry, unless Ms. Carr was sharing that apartment with ten other Teach for America cult members, that's not where she lives.

8:55 - This really gets my goat: after getting fired and going home crying, Ms. Carr decided she felt like reading through Serena's extra credit King Lear essay. Yeah, that makes a ton of sense.

8:56 - If Handsome is walking a little funny at the end of this scene, it's because Blair just went wrist deep up his rectum.

8:59 - Ooh, steamy love making between Dan and Ms. C. Kind of a generic plot development, but surprisingly well done here, in my opinion. A similar thing almost happened between me and my awesome 8th grade History teacher, and by similar, I mean she was hot and I was named Dan.

Stay spotting, kids.

Comments

[Don Cornelius]

"8:59 - Ooh, steamy love making between Dan and Ms. C. Kind of a generic plot development, but surprisingly well done here, in my opinion. A similar thing almost happened between me and my awesome 8th grade History teacher, and by similar, I mean she was hot and I was named Dan."

--That was funny! Made my weekend.

-DC