When women become pregnant, the wash of emotions concerning body image can be confusing and disconcerting. While you're growing larger around the middle and feeling as though your sexiness factor is becoming more and more disadvantaged due to the attitudes and beauty myths of our culture, feeling frisky may become increasingly difficult.
If you find yourself favoring sleep over getting frisky, bear in mind that the old adage 'fake it 'til you make it' can be extremely helpful in most cases. Our natural propensity is to give in immediately to feelings of discomfort rather than breathe and examine how accurate our auto responses are. But acting rather than reacting is a key to maintaining a healthy sensuality and sexual connection to our bodies and our partners during pregnancy.
One of the most effective means of getting back into the body is to place your hands on the second chakra area just below the naval and above the pubis. Breathe deeply into this area, either in the shower or before the mirror. Acknowledge the miraculous nature of your body. Appreciate its incredible capacity to carry life, to morph with change, to carry you through this world. Feel the sensual and sexual nature of reproduction.
Try this exercise at least once a day to ground your energy and calm down. Panic mode is neither conducive to connecting with your partner or making sensible decisions about food, movement and time use to minimize stress, which is the ulitmate enemy of healthy sexuality.
Use breath and calm to reduce your resistance to discomfort. Most of your discomfort comes from resisting hormonal and physical responses to the dramatic changes your body is undergoing. When you can, instead embrace, breathe into and appreciate your changes as meaningful and wonderful; your attitude toward your body will improve dramatically. Knowing and embracing fully the beauty of pregnancy as the fullest expression of your sexuality and sexual connection with your partner is a major key to quelling any difficulties you may be having.
Being open and honest with your partner concerning fears and attitudes and whatever emotions inevitably come up during pregnancy is vital to bolstering your emotional coonnection. Ask and disclose without accusing. Avoid broaching the subject of insecurity or neglect when you're in the midst of an emotional reaction to it. Try framing your fears, complaints and requests in a positive light. Prepare yourself for such conversations by writing or journalling to get to the heart of the matter. Oftentimes feelings of anger or frustration over lack of sexual advances, failure to clean the house, or neglect run a lot deeper -- and are part of a perpetual cycle of increasing non-communication.
Use the tactic of saying something like 'Honey, I really miss our sexual connection, miss you, want to feel closer to you. Can we try...?" rather than "You never do the dishes," "you never touch me," or the other you statements which always put the recipient on defense. Recognize your stress cues and make an effort to calm yourself down before you approach your partner about what is going on. Give implicit insturctions about what can help assuage your stress. For example, suggest that your partner handle the dishes and the laundry on such and such days. Follow up with acknowledgement and reinforcement via genuine gratitude.
Don't fall into the trap of self-pity. Be grateful for this pregnancy, for your body's ability to give and receive pleasure, for your partner. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and being rather than being consumed by the negatives or worries out of your control. Too often, we are prisoner to our worry when we've done all we can already to avert whatever it might be creating it. Rather than wasting viable life force energy on worrying about what might happen, focus on what is. Toss out worries over things you cannot control, focus on what is in your control and live in your body right now! It's in your body and in the moment that you will achieve the highest level of physical and emotional connection.
Check out my book Your, Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know for further detail on maintaining a positive self-image and sex life before, during and after pregnancy.