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Those Things of Which We Dare Not Speak, But Should

09/08/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

A few weeks ago, I was approached by Aaron Kemmer to review his new book about maximizing one's penile health. As an advocate for positive sexual communication and healthy approaches to issues of a bodily and sexual nature, I happily agreed.

My reaction to its straightforward illustrations pertaining to the male member and how to best enjoy, enhance and utilize it, made me realize that men may have been given the short end of the stick with regard to open discourse about their most precious possession. Why, I wondered, are we so much more able to openly discuss and view the female anatomy than the male?

As the author of a book as openly sexual as Your Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know, one would think I'd be the exception to this strange unspoken rule that a man's member should neither be viewed nor discussed without adolescentgiggles and a shameful sense that viewing this material was akin to sneaking a peak at a porn magazine when you were a teenager. But no!? Between me and the company I keep, you'd have thought we were looking at a banned copy of some subversive politically incriminating manifesto under a fascist regime. Ridiculous. There were requests to toss it, hide it, refuse to review it, etc. among my inner circle. Part of me wanted to concur.

But then, I began to grow angry on behalf of all of you poor men who have to contend with such reaction when wanting a safe and open forum for discussing all things penis. We women fiercely protect our rights to speaking about whatever aspect of our anatomy or sexuality we wish, but it seems that there's something threatening about encouraging men to engage in the same sort of ribald discussions women claim as their birthright.

Whatever we fear and flee will eventually master us, so if our fear of the penis isn't resolved, we will be relegated to unhealthy expressions and deviations of the male sexual organ and drive. Given that the male sex drive tends to greater force in the yin/yang scheme of things, denying a healthy and safe form of discussion for all men to participate in at will, we are ensuring that problems of prostate, fulfillment and disconnect will stay on the rise.

Mind you, Kemmer's book is not at all pornographic. Rather, it is geared to teaching men how to befriend their penises, to utilize various exercises for maximum size, pleasure and virility and to create a more open discourse with regard to men and their members.

With such positive intentions, how could this book invoke such automatic responses of shock, horror and hush hush?

I pity the men whose organs and sexuality have been relegated to a space of adolescent jokes, pornography, 'male speak' and the inability to have open and honest conversations which would benefit prostate health, sexual health and intimate relationships; and hope that we can, one day soon, come to a place evolved enough to include all things human as acceptable topics of conversation and action-oriented discourse.

Creating a sense that bodies are OK to be in is the first step to healing the sexual and sensual fissure in this nation of ours. Communication is founded on truth and acceptance and an open mind, not upholding taboo and shaming people.

We clearly have a lot of work to do to that end.