The President’s Secret IMs: More Bush & Blair Raw & Uncut

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Chat with Sxybritguy10
4:01 a.m.

Kickass43: yo tone
Kickass43: u there bud?

Sxybritguy10: just got 2 my desk
Sxybritguy10: wot r u doing up???

Kickass43: man im so jet laggd from st. pete
Kickass43: wuz up @ 3
Kickass43: cdnt evn rowz barney 4 a walk
Kickass43: he's like: dude. its 2 erly evn 4 dogs
Kickass43: so ran 10k on tha tredmill
Kickass43: 8 my weeties
Kickass43: now waitin 4 staff 2 roll in
Kickass43: cant buleev I beat dick 2 tha offis
Kickass43: he gets in @ like 5
Kickass43: tho sumtimes thats cuz he sleeps here

Sxybritguy10: ?!

Kickass43: tru
Kickass43: u kno how his chin these days is like permently attachd 2 his chest?
Kickass43: like hes holdin sum invisble napkin...
Kickass43: or its stuk there w/velcro...
Kickass43: evn when he talks?

Sxybritguy10: yeh

Kickass43: & u cant alwys tell tha difrens wen hes lissenin or dozin off?

Sxybritguy10: yeh...?

Kickass43: so sumtimes wen they lock up @ nite...
Kickass43: they leave im @ his desk...
Kickass43: cuz they think he's jus slumpd ther watchin fox on his offis TV
Kickass43: they don't kno hes ASLEEP

Sxybritguy10: duznt lynne wrry?
Sxybritguy10: wen he duznt come home as it wer?

Kickass43: nah
Kickass43: she thinx hes gon off 2 sum *undisclosd locashun* agen
Kickass43: u kno--2 relax

Sxybritguy10: o

Kickass43: so wat u thinka G8?
Kickass43: we had no time 4 r ushul * post-game *
Kickass43: pooty ran me outta town @ 2:30
Kickass43: tho man I wuz glad 2 go
Kickass43: HATE thos confrenses
Kickass43: bla bla bla * globl warmin * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: bla bla bla * civl war in irak * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: bla bla bla * oil price$ * bla bla bla * us's falt *
Kickass43: thank god 4 tha isralis!!
Kickass43: finlly we had sumthing intrestin 2 talk bout...
Kickass43: & it wuznt R falt!!

Sxybritguy10: agree ttlly
Sxybritguy10: thot hwvr this wus embarrassin 2 say the least

Kickass43: im so pissd bout that
Kickass43: like who knew tha mike wuz on??
Kickass43: @ least they got tha PG vershun

Sxybritguy10: I took sum flak 4 it
Sxybritguy10: ushull fleet st bunk
Sxybritguy10: " bush & blair all cozy "
Sxybritguy10: that sort of rot

Kickass43: dude I AM cozy thanx 2 that sweter u gav me!

Sxybritguy10: ha ha
Sxybritguy10: they also took the piss out of u 4 callin assad * bashad *

Kickass43: bttr than wat I ushully call im

Sxybritguy10: closer 2 *bastard * I spose...
Sxybritguy10: or *badass *

Kickass43: uh that wd still b tha PG vershun

Sxybritguy10: I mssd sylvio this yr

Kickass43: I kno it man
Kickass43: & his " translaturs "
Kickass43: euro code 4 "hot chicks"
Kickass43: wats that nu dudes name agen?

Sxybritguy10: romano prodi?

Kickass43: italian 4 BOR.ING.
Kickass43: man I didn't KNO italians cd b that boring!
Kickass43: im like hi-5 dude
Kickass43: congrats on tha wrld cup!
Kickass43: give im a hed-butt
Kickass43: u kno--frendly like
Kickass43: he stiffns like a stachoo
Kickass43: starts goin on bout sum problem w/tha euro...

Sxybritguy10: the trade thingy?

Kickass43: bingo
Kickass43: im stuk there till estoban walks up...

Sxybritguy10: estoban?

Kickass43: harper!

Sxybritguy10: ah
Sxybritguy10: ur new cdn bf
Sxybritguy10: bit dull I thot
Sxybritguy10: not as dull as romano...
Sxybritguy10: don't get me rong
Sxybritguy10: but not exactly "monsieur par-tay"

Kickass43: estoban?
Kickass43: dull?!

Sxybritguy10: sry
Sxybritguy10: just telling u wot I think

Kickass43: k so hes no partay animl
Kickass43: cant chug em like chretien
Kickass43: (man who cd?!)
Kickass43: but dude 4 a cdn he's wild!

Sxybritguy10: "wild?"

Kickass43: did u c how he dissd pooty?!

Sxybritguy10: fraid I missd that one

Kickass43: his speech!
Kickass43: he gets up & sez: we're a big country yadda yadda
Kickass43: jus like rusha yadda yadda
Kickass43: lotsa oil etc. etc.
Kickass43: then--pow!
Kickass43: he sez jus cuz cda is a big cuntry w/ol duznt mean he's gotta go bully ppl...
Kickass43: u can still b a demcracy
Kickass43: im hootin "go 4 it steve-o!"
Kickass43: pooty gets that look on his face...
Kickass43: its almost french...
Kickass43: like chiracs when u fart...
Kickass43: "ahll pretend ah deednt hear dat"
Kickass43: estoban dull? NOT
Kickass43:least not 4 a cdn

Sxybritguy10: ill hav 2 take ur wrd 4 it

Kickass43: u do that

Sxybritguy10: srsly wot r we gna do bout this israeli business?

Kickass43: u mean this * lebaneez * bizness...
Kickass43: this * syrian * bizness...
Kickass43: this * iranian * bizness...

Sxybritguy10: foin
Sxbritguy10: this "middle east " business

Kickass43: wat u mean * do bout it * ?

Sxybritguy10: I mean r u onside w/our UN peacekeeping forces idea in s. lebanon?
Sxybritguy10: condi likes it

Kickass43: uh rite
Kickass43: so duz coffee anan...
Kickass43: & the froggies...
Kickass43: like wats rong w/this picshur?

Sxybritguy10: fraid im not following u

Kickass43: trik question:
Kickass43: wen do un peacekeeprs acshully manaj 2 keep the peace?

Sxybritguy10: foin
Sxybritguy10: I kno u don't like the UN but...

Kickass43: answr: NVR

Sxybritguy10: I think this time we cd actually bring 2gether a multinational force...

Kickass43: coffee luvs tha idea so we stop lookin @ his corrupshun & go bak to dissin Israel...

Sxybritguy10: that cd conceivably bring about stability 2 the region...

Kickass43: tha french luv it cuz theyr french
Kickass43: "lets get up a girlee fors in tite uniforms 2 hang out wiz zee arabs..."
Kickass43: "let someone else pay for eet..."
Kickass43: " & zat way we can blame everyone else when eet goez rong"

Sxybritguy10: & 2 b frank we--that is u & I--don't need another "popular" mddle east war on r hands
Sxybritguy10: as it wer

Kickass43: its not gna b on r hands bud

Sxybritguy10: wot makes u so shur?

Kickass43: dude it's tha ISRALIS
Kickass43: not tha haf-ass frikkin iraqi police
Kickass43: if we stand bak they mite acshully WIN
Kickass43: BONUS PT: they take out hezbola & hamas 4 GD
Kickass43: & mayb if we hit tha frikkin jackpot they take out syria 2!!
Kickass43: that wd scare the effin shit outta tha iranians bttr than r "angry lttrs"
Kickass43: r "thret of sancshuns"
Kickass43: & r girlie UN troops

Sxybritguy10: so ur saying we shd do nothing?!

Kickass43: rite
Kickass43: jus sit bak & pop open a beer
Kickass43: sry
Kickass43: *pint *
Kickass43: enjoy tha sho

Sxybritguy10: shurely u don't believe that

Kickass43: dude when ur team's winnin u don't go in & pull tha coach
Kickass43: if it makes u feel bttr we can let tha isralis wipe tha floor wit em...
Kickass43: then go in & giv tha lebaneez ppl a prize 4 being gd sports
Kickass43: like they do in lttle league
Kickass43: xept in this case it will cost us mayb a coupla billion...
Kickass43: 2 rbuild tha infrastrucshur etc...
Kickass43: of tha nu free & democrtic lebanon...
Kickass43: & syria
Kickass43: that's still cheapr than war
Kickass43: & IT WONT B R FALT!!

Sxybritguy10: u may actually have a point
Sxybritguy10: I'll have to think about it of course...

Kickass43: take ur time

Sxybritguy10: must rush off now

Kickass43: hey bud?
Kickass43: b4 u go...

Sxybritguy10: ?

Kickass43: ull b bak @ G8 nxt yr rite?
Kickass43: cuz itd b a TTL DRAG if u wernt ther

Sxybritguy10: wdnt miss it

Kickass43: sweet

Sxybritguy10: honey

Kickass43: ttyl

Sxybritguy10: ta

Kickass43 has left the chat.

The President's Secret IMs appears every Tuesday.