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From: "Snow, Tony"
Begin forwarded message:
From: "Katie Couric"
Hi Tony!
I've watched your performance as White House spokesman with absolute awe. Hope I can stay looking so cool in my new job! Please tell me your secrets (including your hair!!).
Quick q: What do you think my chance is of scoring a one-on-one with your boss? Saw the Matt thing. Between us I thought the President did pretty well--Matt can be soooo bullying (you should see hime BEFORE his morning coffee). But frankly I think the "face-off" format didn't do your boss any favors. They looked like two guys about to get into a fistfight in a hotel bar. Why did the WH agree to this?! Give me the chance to show American viewers the REAL 9/11-plus-5 Bush: caring, tough, concerned. Sitting down. Family quarters. No shouting or chest-poking.
Whadya say? At minimum let's have coffee when I'm next in DC so you can share some of your tips for looking great under fire :-)
Best,
Katie
Chat with Snowblwr
11:41 a.m.
Snowblwr: did u c the email I forwarded u sir?
Kickass43: huh?
Snowblwr: from katie couric
Kickass43: no
Kickass43: lemme chek
11:42 a.m.
Kickass43: dont c it
Snoblowr: that's odd
Snoblowr: let me resend it
Kickass43: k
11:46 a.m.
Snoblowr: there yet sir?
Kickass43: nope
Kickass43: wait
Kickass43: lemme chek sumwher else
11:47 a.m.
Kickass43: got it
Kickass43: 4 sum reasn it wuz in my junk mail
Snoblowr: junk mail?
Snoblowr: weird!
Kickass43: not if ive dezignatd all ur emails as * junk *
Snoblowr: not sure I'm following you here
Kickass43: that's wat they r tone!
Kickass43: u rite nuffin BUT junk
Kickass43: (mind u if id seen * katie couric * in tha subjct line...
Kickass43: mightve opned it case it wuz nudie pix)
Snoblowr: Sir I'm not sure I know what to say...
Kickass43: that's a 1st
Kickass43: cuz u always got sumpin 2 say
Kickass43: evn if its uselss
Snoblowr: I know it's tension time around here...
Snoblowr: in advance of the elections...
Snoblowr: and the 5th anniversary of 9/11 but...
Kickass43: aint no buts tony...
Snoblowr: the American people are hearing your message...
Snoblowr: they're responding to your message...
Kickass43: yeh
Kickass43: & theyr HATIN tha msg
Snoblowr: I can't say that's accurate sir.
Kickass43: o rlly?
Kickass43: look @ tha polls dude
Kickass43: wat msg dya think theyr "respondin 2" wen tha merkin ppl don't kno who 2 blame more 4 9/11: me or bin laden!
Kickass43: gr8 job!
Kickass43: worth ruinin my frikkin summer vacashun 4 those numbrs!
Kickass43: no problemo
Kickass43: we get 2 augs evry year!!
Snoblowr: I truly regret Mr. President that we had to schedule some speeches in August...
Snoblowr: I know how important Crawford time is...
Kickass43: * some * ?!
Snoblowr: ok a number of speeches
Snoblowr: but aside from it being an election year...
Snoblowr: it was also the one year anniversary of katrina...
Kickass43: I 4get my weddin annivrsry...
Kickass43: y not that one 2?
Snoblowr: funny sir but we really had no other option
Snoblowr: & if we were to rebrand the war message...
Snoblowr: there was no time to lose.
Kickass43: weve had plenty o time 2 lose
Kickass43: 5 yrs 2 b presice
Kickass43: & ur * fox magic *...
Kickass43: that wuz sposed 2 bring up tha ratins...
Kickass43: aint dun diddly squat
Kickass43: wrse than ever
Kickass43: mayb we shda hired laurie dhue
Kickass43: thats who I wantd
Snoblowr: I can understand you frustration with the polls sir.
Snoblowr: but to be fair, we have a tough message to sell right now.
Snoblowr: no one disputes anymore that the war isn't going as well as we would like...
Kickass43: no thanx 2 tha frikkin iraqis
Snoblowr: as you yourself have said, implementing democracy can be a difficulty and lengthy process...
Kickass43: didn't think it wd b THIS lengthy
Kickass43: like 2-trm lengthy
Snoblowr: but we can't simply pull out.
Snoblowr: this week we're talking about the importance not only of learning from 9/11...
Snoblowr: but also of continuing to mount aggressive and sustained efforts...
Snoblowr: to improve our capability to intercept those who want to commit acts of terror against us...
Snoblowr: to try to stay on the offensive so that they don't get over here.
Snoblowr: big message: Tie our success in iraq to our success at fighting the war on terror in general.
Kickass43: that's jeanius
Snoblowr: well I'm not sure about that
Snoblowr: but it's tough. Clear. Strong.
Snoblowr: that's what we want to be.
Snoblowr: this week.
Kickass43: yep real clevr
Kickass43: & exactly y ur emails end up w/my cialis spam
Kickass43: cuz it dont raise wat it claims 2 eithr
Snoblowr: there might be different points of view on that Mr. President
Snoblowr: ha ha
Snoblowr: but what exactly do you object to in the message?
Snoblowr: I thought we were all onboard with it.
Kickass43: lets b honest tone
Kickass43: im gna keep hopin democrasy flowrs in iraq
Kickass43: im prepard 2 b tha last guy on tha frikkin planet 2 believ it
Kickass43: but no 1 else is buyin it
Kickass43: folks think tha war sux
Kickass43: it DUZ suk
Kickass43: big time
Kickass43: I kno we cant cut n run yadda yadda
Kickass43: but man
Kickass43: y r we tying r hole sucsess in tha war on terror 2 it??
Kickass43: flip it round
Kickass43: r we sayin if we lose in iraq we lose tha HOLE war on terror???
Kickass43: like u can fail english & still pass math
Kickass43: buleev me I KNO
Kickass43: sides--we're WINNIN agenst these bastrds!!
Kickass43: we're foylin ther evil plots!
Kickass43: we're roundin em up!
Kickass43: we're haulin ther asses 2 secrt locashuns...
Kickass43: takin em wakebordin till they squeal...
Kickass43: tho every1 wants 2 kill that program
Snoblowr: "waterboarding"
Kickass43: ?
Snoblowr: I think the term you're looking for sir is "waterboarding"
Snoblowr: it's an interrogation technique in which a detainee is strapped to a board, dunked underwater, and made to feel as if he is going to drown...
Snoblowr: it actually dates back to Medaevil times...
Snoblowr: and yet doesn't contravene the Geneva Conventions
Snoblowr: according to our lawyers
Kickass43: man I thot it wuz wakebordin!!
Kickass43: u kno--tie em 2 bhind a boat & drag em around till they cant take it anymor
Kickass43: we used 2 do it @ kennebunkport
Kickass43: on an ol raft
Kickass43: poppy alwys went 2 fast
Kickass43: scared tha livin shit outta us
Snoblowr: But let's return to the message sir.
Snoblowr: What you're saying does not contradict it.
Snoblowr: it's a multi-fronted battle.
Snoblowr: iraq is one front.
Snoblowr: heathrow is another.
Snoblowr: they're connected.
Snoblowr: people get that.
Kickass43: im not so shur tone
Kickass43: & even if they do they don't care
Kickass43: theyr like * it's been 5 yrs since 9/11 *
Kickass43: * y hasn't more bin done? *
Kickass43: cant win @ anythang
Kickass43: get blamd 4 not doin enuff
Kickass43: but also get blamd 4 doin 2 much...
Kickass43: like spyin on islamocreeps!
Kickass43: its wrse than college!
Kickass43: that wuz only 4 yrs of ppl complainin
Kickass43: & I can tell u I gotta lot LESS done
Kickass43: im workin my frikkin ass off now 4 these elecshun finals
Kickass43: & im STILL gettin Ds
Kickass43: we need 2 put out more +++ stuff
Kickass43: this iraq tuff stuff aint sellin
Kickass43: we need sum nice soft cuddly stuff
Kickass43: stuff ppl want 2 hear
Snoblowr: So does this mean you want to do the Katie Couric interview?
Kickass43: y not?
Kickass43: she's got bettr abs than matt
Snoblowr: airbrushing sir
Kickass43: no way!
Snobowr: * way *
Snoblowr: Anyhow I'm not sure you should do it.
Snoblowr: She was right about the Lauer interview.
Snoblowr: That format was awkward.
Kickass43: ur tha 1 who agreed 2 it!
Snoblowr: I think it's important to admit a mistake sir.
Snoblowr: I'll take full responsibility for it.
Kickass43: gr8
Kickass43: will u take responsiblty 4 my polls?
Snoblowr: that's a more complex issue...
Kickass43: fine
Kickass43: but get me on katie
Snoblowr: Don't forget I've booked this whole week with off-the-record interviews with friendlys...
Snoblowr: lets use our own footsoldiers to put a more positive spin on things
Snoblowr: why risk CBS?
Kickass43: mayb cuz katie's tha only 1 in tha hole US of A...
Kickass43: whos getting wrse ratins than me!
Kickass43: gtta admit:
Kickass43: its bin a long time sins sum1 thot they cd b more populr...
Kickass43: by talkin 2 me in publik
Kickass43: itsa gd feelin tone
Snoblowr: I'll look into sir.
Kickass43 has left the chat.