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Chat with IheartUSA
9:22 p.m.
Kickass43: yo
Kickass43: karen?
Kickass43: u ther gf?
IheartUSA: Certainly, sir.
IheartUSA: How may I be of assistance?
Kickass43: need ur help
Kickass43: its dick
IheartUSA: The vice-president, sir?
Kickass43: uh huh
Kickass43: hes not bin rite 4 a long time
Kickass43: don't think I can send im out 2 fundraise no mor
IheartUSA: His health, sir?
IheartUSA: Is it worse?
Kickass43: nah
Kickass43: his healths gd
Kickass43: u kno tha veep
Kickass43: hes like a timex
Kickass43: cd pull him bhind a speedboat
Kickass43: ovr a ramp...
Kickass43: & thru a freakin flamin hoop...
Kickass43: he'd keep on tickin
IheartUSA: Then what, sir?
IheartUSA: Elections are coming up.
IheartUSA: We need him out there.
Kickass43: I KNO
Kickass43: bin 2 ashamd 2 tell any1...
IheartUSA: You and I share appropriate levels of trust, Mr. President.
IheartUSA: I think you can tell me.
Kickass43: k
Kickass43: PLEEZ don't tell no 1
Kickass43: dicks bcom a...
Kickass43: ...
Kickass43: ...
IheartUSA: Sir?
Kickass43: environut
IheartUSA: I don't understand, Mr. President.
Kickass43: cmon
Kickass43: u kno
Kickass43: tree huggr
Kickass43: animl rites whako
Kickass43: save tha erth *boo hoo*
Kickass43: green green lima bean
Kickass43: tha hol 9 yrds
Kickass43: GET IT?
IheartUSA: The vice-president has become an environmentalist?
Kickass43: bingo!
Kickass43: dats tha wrd I wuz lookin 4
IheartUSA: Since when, sir?
IheartUSA: I haven't noticed anything odd about him.
IheartUSA: I DID notice that he was preferring the cottage cheese plate...
IheartUSA: at the mess these days...
IheartUSA: but I thought it was just a diet thing.
Kickass43: startd bak wen he poppd dat dude
IheartUSA: Mr. Whittington, sir?
Kickass43: yeh
Kickass43: he rlly freakd
Kickass43: stoppd huntin
Kickass43: 1st I thot he'll get ovr it
Kickass43: u kno
Kickass43: he's like sum nam vet
Kickass43: havin flashbax
Kickass43: then rummy is like WTF
Kickass43: dicks "anti-huntin"
Kickass43: sez he can hear dem fat birds cryin "no"
Kickass43: evrytime he razes his gun
IheartUSA: That is a problem, sir.
IheartUSA: I assume that means no more NRA fundraisers.
Kickass43: duh
Kickass43: stoppd em rite away
IheartUSA: And he was such a favorite.
Kickass43: wait
Kickass43: it gets wrse
Kickass43: so I send im up 2 canada
Kickass43: u kno
Kickass43: 2 chek out tha oil fieldz @ albrta
Kickass43: I'm thinkin tha site of itll do im gd
Kickass43: fill his hart wit frikkin joy
Kickass43: ges wat???
IheartUSA: I'm afraid to, sir.
Kickass43: he sez no way shd we dig up ther!!
Kickass43: there aint nuffin...
Kickass43: NUFFIN...
Kickass43: but blak flies...
Kickass43: it looks like tha effin moon...
Kickass43: & dicks wrried bout tha "criticl ecorejuns"
Kickass43: or sumpin
Kickass43: I'm like: :-O
Kickass43: but hes like nooo
Kickass43: can't do it
Kickass43: can't go ther
Kickass43: now hes rantin bout gettin "biodeezl" from french frys...
Kickass43: & puttin winmills on his ranch in wyomin
Kickass43: he LUUUVS tha gore moovie
Kickass43: "u gotta c it!!"
Kickass43: "plantry emrgncy!"
Kickass43: "erths in trubl!"
Kickass43: he soundz like cpt kirk!
IheartUSA: Does anyone else know about this, Mr. President?
IheartUSA: I mean outside of his family?
IheartUSA: In the administration?
Kickass43: rummy's suspishus
Kickass43: karl knos but is :-X
Kickass43: dats it
Kickass43: we're fillin his sked w/phot-ops
Kickass43: @ol folks homes
Kickass43: cuz most of em r deaf
IheartUSA: Good move, sir.
Kickass43: wat r we gna do???
Kickass43: we got 2 mor yrs!
Kickass43: & hes lobbyin 2 do a joynt presser w/barbra
IheartUSA: Your mother, sir?
Kickass43: Streisand!
IheartUSA: I think I know what to do, Mr. President.
IheartUSA: It's bold.
IheartUSA: But it may work.
Kickass43: ?????
IheartUSA: Send him to Iraq, sir.
IheartUSA: A two-year assignment to oversee the clean-up of the country.
IheartUSA: Lots for him to do.
IheartUSA: Chemical spills, hazmats, standing sewage, restoring marshlands.
IheartUSA: When he speaks of the "situation on the ground"...
IheartUSA: or the "devastated infrastructure"...
IheartUSA: no one will be the wiser.
IheartUSA: Indeed it will improve the image of the whole administration.
IheartUSA: You'll be seen as "walking the walk."
IheartUSA: And I should add there is excellent health and emergency medical care...
IheartUSA: in the frontline bases, sir.
IheartUSA: Something to point out to Mrs. Cheney.
Kickass43: :-/
IheartUSA: Mr. President?
Kickass43: thinkin...
Kickass43: cd wrk...
Kickass43: CD WRK!
Kickass43: wait...
IheartUSA: Sir?
Kickass43: wat if he stajes sum protest...
Kickass43: @ a refinry??
IheartUSA: He'll be under the watch of the American military 24/7.
IheartUSA: No chance of that happening, Mr. President.
Kickass43: gr8!
Kickass43: ur still da brainz round here
Kickass43: u kno dat rite
IheartUSA: I'll always be proud to serve you, sir.
Kickass43 has left the chat.
The President's Secret IMs appears every Tuesday. "Kickass43" will be on vacation until June 13.