The Secret Presidential IMs: The State of the Union is ... Not Cool

Kickass43: iraqis cud reviv ther economy & put oil prfits towrds saving aids orphans in africa & tha NYTs hedline wd still be: "Women, Gays Struggle to Define Themselves in the New Iraq""
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BigBartlett: Mr. President?
Kickass43: yo danno
BigBartlett: Do you have a moment, sir?
Kickass43: jus watchin tha steelers kick bronco ass
Kickass43: arnt u?
BigBartlett: I plan to be doing that shortly, sir.
BigBartlett: A few of us are here just tweaking the latest draft of the SOTU
BigBartlett: and wondering if you'd had a chance to look at it yet.
Kickass43: sure did
BigBartlett: And what did you think of it, sir?
Kickass43: 2 wrds danno
Kickass43: BOR. ING.
BigBartlett: I'm sorry to hear that, Mr. President.
BigBartlett: You felt that way about the whole thing?
BigBartlett: Or was there any part in particular we should be focusing upon..?
Kickass43: danno
Kickass43: it's tha STATE. OF. THA. UNION.
Kickass43: & for all tha hits we've ben takin
Kickass43: no 1 has accused us of being BORING
Kickass43: its an elecshun year dude!
Kickass43: gotta motivate tha base!!
BigBartlett: We were going with the themes you gave us, sir.
BigBartlett: Lower taxes. Protecting our homeland...
Kickass43: war on terror blah blah blah
Kickass43: I kno the themes danno
Kickass43: it's tha wrds
Kickass43: way it reads now r ratings r gonna b lower
Kickass43: than "Commander in Chief"
BigBartlett: What do you propose we do, sir?
Kickass43: first off we need mor bout r successes
Kickass43: u kno
Kickass43: all that things we've dun rite
Kickass43: sick of all this dem whinin & fingerpointin
Kickass43: as if clinton wuznt hangin on the daily wit badasses
Kickass43: remember all thos "coffees"
Kickass43: wit like chinese SPIES
Kickass43: jack off comes 2 a hanuka party
Kickass43: & like now we're best buds??
Kickass43: uh danno
Kickass43: u still ther?
BigBartlett: Yes, sir.
Kickass43: watu think?
BigBartlett: Not sure bringing up Democratic corruption is the right way to go, sir.
BigBartlett: It's not the high road.
Kickass43: argh
Kickass43: not tokkin bout bringin it up
Kickass43: jus sayin we shud toot r own horn a bit mor
BigBartlett: In Iraq, for example?
Kickass43: we dun that
Kickass43: duznt seem 2 help
Kickass43: iraqis cud adopt tha u.s. constitushun...
Kickass43: elect omar sharif as prez...
Kickass43: reviv ther economy & put oil prfits...
Kickass43: towrds saving aids orphans in africa...
Kickass43: host tha 2016 olympics...
Kickass43: & tha NYTs hedline wd still be:
Kickass43: "Women, Gays Struggle to Define Themselves in the New Iraq"
Kickass43: we need sumthin nu
BigBartlett: I agree that would be good, sir.
Kickass43: & sumthin that separates us from this corrupshun stuff
Kickass43: shows we're on tha hi rd. like u sed...
BigBartlett: Take a strong stance on congressional reform?
Kickass43: o man
Kickass43: gd thing u didn't go in2 showbiz danno
Kickass43: sumthin MUCH mor dramatic
Kickass43: ...
Kickass43: ...
BigBartlett: Mr. President?
Kickass43: GOT IT
Kickass43: thers like a cdn electshun goin on rite now?
BigBartlett: That's right, sir.
BigBartlett: In fact it looks like the Conservative party is going to win
Kickass43: & tha conservatif candidate
Kickass43: he's like r guy rite?
BigBartlett: His name is Stephen Harper, sir.
BigBartlett: I believe he and the voters would rightly take offense if we described him as "our guy."
BigBartlett: In fact, the Liberal party ran attack ads accusing him of being in your pocket.
Kickass43: cdn "attack ads"
Kickass43: lol
Kickass43: wat else did they say
Kickass43: like harpers a "jaywalker"
Kickass43: like they dug up an old citashun for litterin from when he wuz in college??
Kickass43: or mayb he dodgd "peacekeepin duty"
Kickass43: rofl
BigBartlett: I'm not sure where you're going with this, sir.
Kickass43: follow me danno
Kickass43: the conservatifs r gonna win becuz the liberals tooks sum mjr cheese from tha taxpyrs
Kickass43: I'm tokking millions
Kickass43: & then gave it all 2 ther pals
Kickass43: Cdn Politics 101: Don't touch "health care" & u can rob the ppl blind
BigBartlett: Yes, sir. I've been following the scandal.
Kickass43: those cdn libs make jack off look like a pussy
BigBartlett: Agreed, sir. But...
Kickass43: so y don't we take credit 4 riddin cda of corrupt politishuns?
BigBartlett: You've lost me, sir.
Kickass43: do I hav 2 spell it out???
Kickass43: put it in SOTU!
Kickass43: "Not only are we ridding the world of terrorists and winning the war against terror..."
Kickass43: "Now my administration is taking the lead in ridding the world of corrupt politicians. Our first victory was in Canada."
BigBartlett: But sir, with all respect, we didn't have anything to do with that election.
Kickass43: duznt matter
Kickass43: evry1 will THINK we did
Kickass43: if cdns rlly believe harpers in my pocket
Kickass43: then they will believe it wuz us who did the dirty & got rid of tha liberal posse
Kickass43: & if cdns believe it, r voters will 2
Kickass43: "We showed zero tolerance in Canada for this kind of corruption. And we will show zero tolerance for it at home."
Kickass43: man it'd be sooo sweet
Kickass43: a big ass foren policy success
Kickass43: AND tha dems cant smear us wit jack off no mor
BigBartlett: Let me put that to Hadley, sir, and get back to you.
Kickass43: btw r ther any pix of me wit that dude?
BigBartlett: So far as we know,the only photos of you with Abramoff are just grip and grins at large White House functions. Nothing incriminating. But we'll keep on top of it.
Kickass43: I don't mean wit jack off
Kickass43: I meant wit harper
BigBartlett: I'd have to check the files, sir.
Kickass43: u do that
Kickass43: & then leak em 2 Time...

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