The Secret Presidential IMs: Why Cheney Popped That Dude--A Luv Story

Nap0leon3: giorgio!
Nap0leon3: "yo"
Nap0leon3: "dood"

Kickass43: hey sylvio!
Kickass43: watu doin up?
Kickass43: man wuz gonna call u tmrrow a.m.
Kickass43: say grazie 4 all ur hospitality 2 Mrs. B

Nap0leon3: iz not 2 late 4 me amico
Nap0leon3: "apres ski" parties still goin on
Nap0leon3: 4give me if I boast but...
Nap0leon3: yr missus had fabulous time
Nap0leon3: she wazza de toast of turino
Nap0leon3: & mite I add
Nap0leon3: she has a lvly figure

Kickass43: well like I sed
Kickass43: grazie 4 all dat
Kickass43: we'll catch up soon

Nap0leon3: I think ur lady enjoyed very much de snowboarding...

Kickass43: uh huh

Nap0leon3: & also de luge...

Kickass43: gr8

Nap0leon3: her visit 2 de local hospital...
Nap0leon3: wazza vry well receivd...

Kickass43: k
Kickass43: no offens bud
Kickass43: but its kinda crzy here rite now
Kickass43: mayb we cd chat sum othr time...?

Nap0leon3: ah!
Nap0leon3: 4giv me
Nap0leon3: ur leadr of wrld superpowr!
Nap0leon3: no time 2 "chill" w/ur lttl NATO buds

Kickass43: o man
Kickass43: its not like dat
Kickass43: rlly
Kickass43: APPRESHIATE ur friendship & support...

Nap0leon3: & r troops in iraq...

Kickass43: yes!

Nap0leon3: I donta like 2 complain
Nap0leon3: but my ppl donta like it
Nap0leon3: (diz iraq bizness)
Nap0leon3: of course dey donta understand de affairs offa de wrld...

Kickass43: I kno it
Kickass43: & APPRESHIATE it
Kickass43: jus sayin ive got sum problems at tha mo
Kickass43: * problemos *
Kickass43: VENTE problemos
Kickass43: gotta deal wit em

Nap0leon3: c c
Nap0leon3: I understand
Nap0leon3: although mine r not big...
Nap0leon3: I hav summa my own problemos here atta home
Nap0leon3: bhind in polls...
Nap0leon3: & 3 ladies 2 satisfy on v-day
Nap0leon3: after swearin offa sex till da election
Nap0leon3: april 9!
Nap0leon3: 7.5 mor weeks...
Nap0leon3: datsa 54 days...
Nap0leon3: ...
Nap0leon3: 1296 hours...
Nap0leon3: :-#
Nap0leon3: gd thing I didda not promise 2 win
Nap0leon3: in order 2 resume sex
Nap0leon3: merciful madre of God

Kickass43: I wish mine wuz jus polls
Kickass43: man IF ONLY it wuz polls
Kickass43: I MISS wen it wuz jus polls

Nap0leon3: I red ur unfortunate news
Nap0leon3: so sry
Nap0leon3: actualy dat iz y I'm "IM-ing"
Nap0leon3: itta waz de talk of de party
Nap0leon3: watta dis dood whittington kno?

Kickass43: whittington?
Kickass43: kno?

Nap0leon3: c
Nap0leon3: surely sumthing vry important
Nap0leon3: 4 ur vice-president 2 pop him

Kickass43: dude!
Kickass43: dick didn't POP him
Kickass43: it wuz anACCIDENT
Kickass43: jus a littl casual accident tween buds!!

Nap0leon3: iva misunderstood
Nap0leon3: i thotta he sprayd summa ol man w/bullets
Nap0leon3: & tried 2 cvr it up...

Kickass43: man dats wat tha press is sayin...

Nap0leon3: im so sry 2 hear it
Nap0leon3: inna my country...
Napoleon3: esp sicilia...
Napoleon3: we kno how 2 do a hit
Nap0leon3: w/out de press knowin
Nap0leon3: & r polizia:
Nap0leon3: :-x

Kickass43: not like dat!
Kickass43: wuz no problem wit tha "polizia"
Kickass43: happnd in tx
Kickass43: they were huntin
Kickass43: jus HUNTIN
Kickass43: & like tha ranch owner...
Kickaa43: an ol' family ladyfriend ...
Kickass43: wit ol' family $$...
Kickass43: goes & squeals!

Nap0leon3: dat issa vry bad news
Nap0leon3: & now u musta take dissa lady out also?

Kickass43: repeat: not like dat
Kickass43: evry1's makin such a dam fuss
Kickass43: wuz jus birdshot!
Kickass43: but nooooo
Kickass43: there I am
Kickass43: Sunday aft
Kickass43: jus chillin wit barney
Kickass43: in tha big white crib
Kickass43: watchin USA kick ass @ turin
Kickass43: & wunderin how 2 wrap tha brush saw I got 4 laura 4 v-day
Kickass43: all offa suddn
Kickass43: fone's jumpin
Kickass43: "We've gotta problem Mr. President"
Kickass43: like its apollo 13

Nap0leon3: I did not see dat film

Kickass43: nvr mind
Kickass43: its BAD
Kickass43: & like laura's ovr ther
Kickass43: lunchin w tha pope!!
Kickass43: so much 4 his prayrs

Nap0leon3: benny issa no JP2

Kickass43: veeps callin evry 2 secs
Kickass43: wants 2 kill hisself
Kickass43: man he's gonna hav anudder hrt attak

Napoleon3: hm

Kickass43: y "hm"?

Nap0leon3: so yr man cheney issa man of honor

Kickass43: DUH
Kickass43: u kno dat

Nap0leon3: c c
Nap0leon3: so mayb dis whittington dood insulted him...
Nap0leon3: or prhaps hissa wife??

Kickass43: lissen up silvio
Kickass43: dick didn't do this on purpose
Kickass43: whittington's like a MJR fundraisr
Kickass43: mucho $$$
Kickass43: & he's a tuff ass
Kickass43: he's not tokkin 2 tha press
Kickass43: xcept to say from his IC bed
Kickass43: dat it wuz an honor & privilej 2 be shot by tha veep

Nap0leon3: v impressive
Nap0leon3: still...
Nap0leon3: makes no sense
Nap0leon3: let me try 2 follow:
Nap0leon3: dick pops summa guy...

Kickass43: PLS
Kickass43: NOT "pops"

Nap0leon3: ok
Nap0leon3: so da hit goes rong...

Kickass43: NOT "hit"
Kickass43: a huntin accident

Nap0leon3: ok
Nap0leon3: dis "huntin accident"...

Kickass43: c

Nap0leon3: witta mjr fundraisr...

Kickass43: c

Nap0leon3: who knowsa nothing...

Kickass43: C

Nap0leon3: is leakd 2 de press by a rich lady

Nap0leon3: who goes a waya bak w/de family

Kickass43: u got it

Nap0leon3: she's "hot" dissa lady?

Nap0leon3: a babe?

Kickass43: she's ok

Kickass43: blond chick

Nap0leon3: ha!

Nap0leon3: den dere's issa only 1 conclusion my amico

Kickass43: ?

Nap0leon3: dis wuzza crime of passion!

Kickass43: ??

Nap0leon3: watta other motive cd dis chick have 2 betray ur man dick?

Nap0leon3: y did dick hav 2 shoot de dude whittington?

Nap0leon3: becuzza: dey were in luv w/de same woman!

Nap0leon3: BUT

Nap0leon3: dissa woman did not luv dick

Nap0leon3: SO

Nap0leon3: wen he shot her tru luv whittington

Nap0leon3: she wuzza upset

Nap0leon3: THUS

Nap0leon3: she squealed

Nap0leon3: as u say inna english:

Nap0leon3: "de fat lady hassa begun her cantata"

Kickass43: Dick. Cheney.
Kickass43: hahahahahahahahahahahaha

Nap0leon3: y u laff?

Kickass43: ur jokin rite

Nap0leon3: I don't c "joke"

Kickass43: dude he's like 65...

Nap0leon3: im 69!!

Kickass43: ...& he's gotta mjr hrt condishun...

Nap0leon3: inna luv we all suffr mjr conditions of da hrt...

Kickass43: & tha dude he blows is like 78...

Nap0leon3: perfecto!

Kickass43: bottom line: he's DICK CHENEY

Nap0leon3: trust me
Nap0leon3: dis reeks offa passion
Nap0leon3: ulla c

Kickass43: uh ok
Kickass43: I'll take ur wrd bud
Kickass43: now I got me a brush saw 2 wrap

Nap0leon3: madre of God
Nap0leon3: a brush saw!
Nap0leon3: wat u get urra mistress?
Nap0leon3: a duck blind?!
Nap0leon3: ha ha ha

Kickass43: NOT funny dude
Kickass43: dats wat dick got lynne...

Kickass43 has left the chat.

"The Secret Presidential IMs" appears every Tuesday. Kickass43 will be on holiday next week observing President's Day (gotta chill!).