My Grandma died one year ago today. I don't believe anyone really truly dies, because I believe we are a spirit encapsulated in a physical body. And because of that, I don't get sad thinking that I can't talk to my grandma any more. I am not sad because I think she's gone forever. I know she is here in some way. But what DOES make me sad is that I can't hug her anymore.
We are physical beings. We have the extraordinary ability to feel things, to touch things, to embrace, to see, to hear, to explore, to imagine, and to love. Our bodies and our senses are the tools that allow us to connect with the people and environments around us.
My dreams of my grandma have always been just of hugging her. Not much else happens. I just find myself laying in bed forcing myself to stay asleep so that the hug will last longer. I just want to lie next to her in her hospice bed without saying anything. I just want to BE there. I wish all of our hugs were longer. I wish I was more present during them. I wish they weren't quick hellos and good byes. I wish I cuddled next to her on the couch more often.
Aren't those the best moments? When you're able to just BE with someone you love? Your mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter, best friend, or significant other? Don't you just love those moments where not much is happening, and not much is being said? It's like this little glimpse of time where time doesn't actually seem to exist.
Happiness doesn't occur sometime in the future or the past. It doesn't occur in a memory. It occurs in those little instances where we get to truly feel alive and connected. And it usually includes another human being who we love deeply.
I don't think of myself as someone who regrets very much in life. To me, everything is a learning experience. But I think this might be the one regret that I do have. However, I know that the best thing that I can do now, is hug more, for longer, and with more people.
So hug more. I'm going to tell my family and my sisters that we need to do it more, and you should too. Don't wait. Hug randomly and when they least expect it. Hug for longer periods of time. Squeeze harder and hold on. Make it weird. Secretly they like it. I promise.
I bet conflicts will naturally dissipate, tension will subside, and relationships will get better. And with something so so simple.
Hug like you mean it, and like you know that the day will come when you can't hug them anymore.