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What If I Chose to Be Gay? Or, Why Herman Cain Might Be onto Something

Posted: 10/31/11 06:03 PM ET

So apparently Herman Cain thinks that a person can choose to be gay. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) seriously disagrees. HRC recently forwarded an e-news update with the following call to action spelled out in the subject line: "Tell Herman Cain pizza toppings are a choice -- being gay isn't."

HRC, and many other LGBTQ individuals and allies, took offense to the GOP presidential candidate's sentiments that he shared on ABC's The View, when he boldly declared, "You show me the science that says that it's not [a choice], and I could be persuaded. Right now it's my opinion against the opinion of others who feel differently. That's just a difference of opinion." But I am a self-identified queer (black) progressive man who thinks that Abel's Cain, for once, just might be onto something. Don't stone me too soon before hearing me out, however.

It seems that the "nature" argument, or, rather, the "people are born gay" argument, is the only basis for others' acceptance of LGBTQ folk and, for many of us, the only basis for acceptance of ourselves. As a result, we continue to regurgitate findings from scientific guilds to support our claims of "truth" regarding our worthiness and full humanity. For example, HRC's announcement, which sought to reprove Cain's "choice" theory, points to a number of sources to validate that one's gay essence is biological and not a result of external factors, like culture. Cited in the note are familiar names that have been associated, at various points within our recent history, with anti-homosexual and pro-homosexual propaganda, like the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association. As if the naming of those empirical giants were not enough, they went on to quote brief statements from the American Medical Association and American Counseling Association, all to prove and assert our worth as human beings who just happen to befriend, love, and/or sexually engage with others who might be of the same sex. Do we really need "science" as proof of our worth and justification for respect? Well, HRC and Cain apparently think so!

I affirm my LGBTQ brothers and sisters who name and claim their sexualities and expressions as part of their being. But I also want to push back against those who feel as if there is only one right (pun intended) way to think about our sexual selves. What if one's affinity towards, attraction to, desire to be intimate with, and/or love for another person of the same sex is a choice after all? What if we, including those of us who are LGBTQ-identified, considered what it might mean if we only relied on the nature argument to somehow prove that we aren't morally inept, sinful, hell-bound, deviant, lustful, and/or community-destroying bodies?

Ian F. Haney Lopez, the well-known critical race theorist and Professor of Law at UC Berkeley, argues in his now-classic essay, "The Social Construction of Race," that "[h]uman interaction rather than natural differentiation must be seen as the source and the continued basis for racial categorization." What does this have to do with debates on sexuality as a consequence of nature or nurture? Well, thinkers like Lopez, and others before and after him, offer a line of thinking that counters the notion of biological race and instead insists on the idea that race is a created social reality. Thinking of race as a byproduct of our own design rather than a thing that could be discovered through scientific (and racist) methods practiced by, say, 18th-century scientists like Petrus Camper, who used "craniometry" to develop a hierarchy of races (of course, blacks landed a bit higher than orangutans on that ladder), illuminates how the sciences have been used to substantiate the inferiority of some human beings in comparison to some others.

History is a great teacher; which is why it shouldn't be hard for many of us to imagine how the location of a presumed "gay gene" could become the proof of human being's slippery deviation from hereditary normality (heterosexuality) into genomic abnormality (homosexuality). I can definitely imagine the Cains of the world relying on empirical science to support that notion. All that to say: to hell with the need for "evidence" to make clear our right to exist as equals in the world.

But back to this idea of "choice": what is wrong with someone making a choice to love, have sex with, be attracted to, or befriend someone of the same sex? After thinking about this question, I considered what it might mean for us to move one's "choice" to love and be loved to the center of our politics. The denying of another's choice to love, kiss, hug, sleep with, hold hands with, or share a home with another person (of the same sex or not) is an aggressive move against another's right to the pursuit of happiness, especially when that choice does not bring harm to the persons or the communities in which they are part.

"Choice" is dangerous language because it reeks of a dangerous type of moralism, at least the kind that conservatives like to rely on to support their ideas of family and "right" relationship between humans and God. But progressives must name and offer new and varied definitions of "family," "friendship," and "relationship." We can be moral guards, as well, and proclaim that we have a right to make choices that sustain, lift up, and strengthen us, our families, and our communities.

I say we resist arguing with Cain, with supposed guards of America's "traditional values," with subjective science, and even the Bible. We need to begin the discussion at a different starting place, namely, a place that starts by focusing on our worth as human beings, for once. I propose that we tell Cain: I love to choose my pizza toppings and I hate when they are chosen for me.

 
So apparently Herman Cain thinks that a person can choose to be gay. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) seriously disagrees. HRC recently forwarded an e-news update with the following call to action spel...
So apparently Herman Cain thinks that a person can choose to be gay. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) seriously disagrees. HRC recently forwarded an e-news update with the following call to action spel...
 
 
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01:22 PM on 11/03/2011
In my opinion, this is a terrible article. The reason why people prefer the 'born this way' argument is for all the constant searching of error - and blame - to cease. I wouldn't necessarily deny psychological development - but even environmental causes do not cast the definition of choice. Choice entails conscious effort to become a certain way, and through all the discrimination and pain that accompanies homosexuality I find it bizarre - but not entirely unfathomable - why someone would try to pick being gay as an alternative lifestyle. Do you need to see the failure rates of conversion therapies to prove how ridiculous explaining all cases of homosexuality being choice is? But it should be entirely irrelevant when assessing how worthy a person is regardless of the nature or nurture causation.
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Tracy Fortune
Geek, mother, lesbian, fair & compassionate ;^)
09:52 PM on 11/02/2011
I agree with the article- no one should be required to justify their existence in order to be treated equally & with respect. If you make the case that same-sex attraction is a natural occurrence, you head down the slippery-slope of having a "mutation" or deviation from "normal" which must be "fixed". Umm...no thanks. To instead defend individual rights based on equality is all that should be discussed. The rest feels like a smokescreen to me. Actually, my opinion is that the really full-on haters of gays are those who are not completely secure in their own sexuality. They are terrified & ashamed of their own feelings & project that self-hatred out to others. A whole lot of them then come out. I've seen dozens of examples of this in my own life/acquaintances- not to mention all of the public examples you see every day in the news...So, back to the point- drop the worry about nature/nurture & instead defend each individual's right to equality & respect.
03:58 PM on 11/02/2011
I thought it was a grave mistake when the LGBT rights movement decided to put all of our eggs in the born-this-way, "it's the same as racism," category. There is another clearly protected class, religion, that EVERYONE agrees IS a choice. There is no reason that "being a choice" = "not protected." Personally, I don't believe it is a choice, but, I think we can counter the argument that because it is a choice, it should not be protected by making analogies to religious affiliation as opposed to race or ethnic identity.
03:45 PM on 11/02/2011
It might feel good say "well if it's a choice, what's wrong with that." But the nature vs. nurture argument isn't really about choice or non-choice. It's a derivative of another series of arguments that say that homosexuality is not a normal sexual identity (though perhaps "normal" as an occasional act). This is accompanied by information about the negative aspects of alternative sexuality - lack of procreation, inability to bond with "the other," diseases, alcoholism, depression, sexual predation, promiscuity, etc. (They conveniently forget that most of these are stereotypes and that a lot of the real problems are associated with rejection, not homosexuality). Being LGBT is bad, therefore those who sexually identify as homo or bi are therefore making a choice BECAUSE of something that brings about that BAD choice.. The argument isn't that an otherwise healthy person would choose it, and we don't like that so let's persecute. The argument it is a "choice" to continue in something that is unhealthy and we shouldn't reward that behavior with the same rights and consideration we'd give to those who are "normal." So what caused that "choice"? Sexual abuse as a child, lack of loving father figure, overbearing mother, exposure to gay pornography, exposure to gay behavior in media as normative, and the list goes on. You can't just say "if it is a choice, it's OK" without drudging up the rest of the argument. "Choice" can't be reclaimed like the word "gay" without a lot of baggage.
10:33 AM on 11/02/2011
I disagree. I think you mistake a POLITICAL argument, which unfortunately is NECESSARY, for a need on the part of gay people to justify their sexual orientation. Self-affirming gay people in my experience do NOT become self-affirming by recognizing the TRUTH that our orientation is grounded in biology and at any rate, as you indicate, there's still the anti-gay argument (which doesn't hold up to scrutiny, by the way) that our innate and immutable orientation, even though genetically based, represents some kind of genetic mistake. That argument against gays may work politically in some societies, but not in ours, maybe because of the obvious association with racism - genetically-based racial inferiority. Morality is the weapon used against us in American society and moral judgment has CHOICE as its necessary prerequisite; without the element of choice issues of morality become moot. Look no further than the fact that in nearly every gay rights controversy our opponents drag children into the battle, often to devastating effect - Message: If being gay is seen as legitimate by government and society your children may very well CHOOSE it.
Same-sex orientation is not a mere social construct and it's dangerously counterproductive in my opinion to make this argument; it plays into the hands of our enemies. In a perfect world perhaps parents wouldn't care if their children chose to be gay, but that world doesn't exist by any stretch of the imagination.
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Mindy Czech
Cindy's wife for life.
06:59 PM on 11/01/2011
The way choice enters into it is when you choose whether you will be true to yourself and be out, or choose to hide in the closet and put yourself in one miserable faux-heterosexual relationship after the next. I chose to try and sleep with men to see if it would change my being a lesbian, but it never worked. So I chose to do what was right for me and went after the woman of my dreams. She chose to be with me, we chose to get engaged and married, and we chose to not let anyone bring us down or make us feel bad about who we are. When you are gay, your only real choice that pertains to your sexuality is whether you live in the shadows or out in the light. We came into the light, and we couldn't be happier.
06:33 PM on 11/01/2011
Yeah, why can't it be a valid choice, too? I hate bigoted America.
06:21 PM on 11/01/2011
As a heterosexual who considers himself a committed ally of the LGBTQ community, I deeply appreciate this article and the thoughtful and candid discussion here on the boards. I respect the argument that being "born gay" (or "born hetero-", for that matter) is the more common experience. I know that I never chose to not be gay. However, I also believe that there may be a gender imbalance here. It may be that men are more likely to not choose homosexuality than women. I suspect that some women who have experienced multiple or even one violation by a male or males may choose to not risk their emotional lives further with men and to pursue intimate relationships with women. I don't want to sound sexist here, the same may be true with some men. My point is only that the argument of "born whatever" runs the risk of disenfranchising those whose experience is different. And for them (even if there is only a very small number), I think that it is important to defend the notion that they also have an equal right to be with, love, or marry whomever they CHOOSE.
04:59 PM on 11/01/2011
People choose religion for themselves. It is a protected class. Christians are far more antithetical to a progressive society when compared with homosexuality, yet people still choose to believe in fiction.
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Gestas
Mountain Man
04:30 PM on 11/01/2011
Offer Gay people a Tax Break and I'll be gay tomorrow...
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MemphisHopJack
Loving life--one dog at a time
04:15 PM on 11/01/2011
If being gay is indeed a choice, then I need to hear from people who have chosen the heterosexual life. I need to hear that they had same sex feelings and attractions, and how they decided to ignore them and chose heterosexuality.

I need to hear them admit they had thoughts of choosing homosexuality but did not.

I need Herman Cain to come forward and state that he had a crush on some guy in his past but decided it was in his best interest to pursue heterosexuality.

If it is a choice, then please share how and when you made your choice.
11:09 AM on 11/02/2011
There's the idea that most heterosexuals are capable, at least under certain circumstances, of some degree of same-sex attraction. Bisexuality, even if not acted upon, is more common than it seems. So I wonder if this doesn't help to explain the persistence of the "it's a choice to be gay" nonsense. Needless to say that in a society as homophobic as ours most people won't admit to ever having had such feelings and also, needless to say, because of anti-gay bigotry only people who can experience no attraction whatsoever to the opposite sex will consider themselves gay. Ironic if true, for THEM it may be something of a choice but it's not for US GAYS.
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mjclear
03:44 PM on 11/01/2011
Its a moot point.You may as well involve yourself in the old Medieval puzzle of "how many angels could sit on the head of a pin." Choice, nurture, genes.....the fact remains that some people prefer sex with women, some people prefer sex with men; and some people abstain all together. To each his own.
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Mark Van Kekerix
An Ordinary Gay Guy
01:39 PM on 11/01/2011
Part of the problem I have with the whole "is it a choice or not" debate is that it typically degenerates into "is there a gay gene". The reality is much more complex.

Current scientific theories regarding homosexuality fall largely into three categories:

1. It's genetic.
2. It's biological - meaning exposure to certain hormones, chemicals, etc. in the womb or while very young create our sexuality.
3. It's developmental - meaning psychological influences as a child create our sexuality.

The debate among these three hasn't been resolved, and in fact some of the most recent research implies that all three may be at play in varying degrees. We simply don't know; and what little we do know suggests that the answer is much more complex than we originally thought.

But notice that all three of these "causes" refer to things over which a homosexual person has no control. That makes homosexuality an "immutable" characteristic - one that is beyond control and cannot be changed.

Whether the "cause" is genetic, biological, psychological, or some combination, no evidence exists to support the social conservative argument that it is a "choice".
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StevenWells
Objects in the avatar are larger than they appear
03:15 PM on 11/01/2011
The whole "choice" meme exists only as an excuse for assignment of blame, much like Herman Cain's explanation of poverty or joblessness: if a circumstance is within your control, you can be held responsible for it.

The key difference between the two is this: if you're impoverished and/or jobless, you're likely dissatisfied with it; if you're gay, you're likely not.

In other words, if you're broke and unemployed, it's you who decides it's not a good place to be. If you're gay, it's only others who are telling you it's not good.

Sexual orientation wouldn't be any kind of issue at all if it weren't for those who judge certain permutations thereof "wrong."

So the whole debate about what "causes" homosexuality is irrelevant, and distracts from the real issue: why anyone should think it's wrong in the first place, and why anyone who's gay should be penalized for someone else's negative opinion of them.
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mchcallow
Hey gurl- how you doin
04:09 PM on 11/01/2011
Hi Steven. In the second to last paragraph Darnell acknowleged that the word choice 'reeks of a dangerous type of moralism, at least the kind that conservatives like to rely on to support their ideas of family and "right" relationship between humans and God'. His use of the word 'choice' suggests that we have an opportunity to resist rather than reiefy the ridgid rules about sexuuality and gender by begining anew. We encourages both discussion and actions which resists heteronormativity in a way that builds respect, and tolerace for difference even for those things that we can't explain through the use of the hard sciences.
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Mark Van Kekerix
An Ordinary Gay Guy
06:00 PM on 11/01/2011
Steven: In a theoretical sense I agree with you - whether homosexuality is a "choice" or is an "immutable characteristic" should be irrelevant to the discussion of whether a society penalizes homosexuals. But I'm also a pragmatist. In practice, when faced with someone who brings up the "choice" argument, it's much easier to argue that it isn't a choice than it is to argue that the "choice" argument is irrelevant.
12:57 PM on 11/01/2011
While I don't think homosexuality necessarily has to be validated, I do think articles like this are dangerous. For many, many people it is not a choice. I am absolutely certain I was born gay. I had a crush on a boy when I was 7 years old. I was born in the 60s, there were no gay characters on TV or in films, there was nothing gay around me. But I knew.
While there are many terrific, intelligent, beautiful women out there, I could no more feel romance or lust towards a woman than I could towards a box of cereal.
I have straight friends who feel the same way about trying to have sex with their same gender, they couldn't do it and would be repulsed.
It is NOT a choice. If you enjoy sex with both men and women, you are bisexual, NOT gay.
Shame on you for writing this.
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12:49 PM on 11/01/2011
Choice? I dont remember some day in the long ago past where I was sitting around and rolling the dice to see which sex I was going to be attracted to? Do straights choose to be straight too? Its a biological /genetic thing. Too many people I know had gay relatives in their families in past or present generations and are themselves gay, including myself. As to the religious aspect, religion is the opiate of the people. You live, you die, and in between are reruns of I Love Lucy. Deal with it.