*co-authored by Karen Aponte
In May 2016, my family and I sat in a small theater across the street from The University of Tampa. The University of Tampa Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC) holds its commissioning ceremony there every year. My daughter stood on the stage looking fit and trim, proud in her dress uniform with a smile that just wouldn't stop. We were all smiling and so very proud.
At 26 years old, with a Bachelor of Arts degree, she chose to upend her life and go to the University of Tampa. She would earn a Master of Business Administration and join the ROTC program to become an Army officer. As I sat in the auditorium, the moment was bittersweet. I looked to my right at my son Ben, his sister's biggest and proudest supporter. I caught a glance of his profile and watched as he stared intently at the stage. His usually expressive and mobile face was very still, very intense. My heart went out to him.
Just five years previous, he stood on the same stage commissioning as an active duty infantry officer in the United States Army. He was a distinguished military graduate of the same ROTC program. He had made a name for himself during his time in the program. He was the number 1 cadet in his program and in the top 3% in the nation. He was the Cadet Captain of the Ranger Challenge team which came in 1st under his leadership. He was the head resident of a student dormitory, sat on the student board of trustees, and sat on the student board of conduct. A big man on campus in so many ways. As a mom, it was a magical time for me to watch. He had already been in the Army National Guard (NG) since he was 17 years old, with two tours of duty in Iraq, and some of the Army's toughest training under his belt. His second tour was with the Special Forces in Mosul, Iraq. When Ben came back from that last tour, he was still in the NG and intended on settling into a job in the civilian sector, starting college, and continuing to serve in the NG.
The local recruiters in the area loved my son. He is 6"3 ½ ', a CrossFit athlete, articulate, fun, and knows everybody. He never misses the chance to meet a stranger. Did I say handsome? He was a success story and a natural poster child for the NG. Recruiters contacted Ben and strongly urged him to utilize his contacts and naturally winning personality to help recruit soldiers into the Guard. There was a new incentive-based program called the Guard Recruitment Assistant Program (G-RAP).
Ben right away was able to contact friends and acquaintances whom he thought would like to join the Guard. Ben could intelligently talk about the available benefits, paid education, travel experience, and the structure and direction that had served him so well. . Some of the people he talked to joined. Most followed in his footsteps and would later serve in the Special Forces. He made some bonus money, but in the meantime, he was looking forward to attending college and getting a stable job. He was also contemplating going into the regular army Special Forces at Ft Bragg.
A job came along at UT. It was a good opportunity to work on staff as a contractor for the University of Tampa's ROTC program. He got the attention of the Professor of Military Science and program Commander who urged Ben to consider an ROTC scholarship. Ben promptly started UT in the ROTC program and finished in 2 years. It was a great time. He was a standout at the school and in the program. He graduated and went to FT Benning for the Infantry Officer Basic Course. He was headed to Vicenza, Italy where he would serve in the 173rd Airborne Infantry Brigade. Ben experienced his first Military setback shortly after his graduation from the Infantry Officer Basic Course. The one bad spot in his officer basic course was that Just weeks into the Ranger School Challenge. Ben was medically dropped with a hernia. Rather than finishing ranger school, he was sent on to Italy with the hopes that he would come back to Benning after the unit's deployment to Afghanistan and complete Ranger school.
In Italy, he gained more leadership experience, and he was given a platoon in Afghanistan. There, Ben found his calling as a Platoon Leader. He and his men got caught in an ambush from which they all survived. As men do when they come through such a profoundly dangerous and life altering event, they became very close. I visited Ben in Italy after that tour and attended a military ball. He was the MC for the event. It was a blast, and I could see that everyone from the top of the chain of command to rank-in-file soldier respected and loved Ben.
I will never forget, after the formal portion of the ball when we were all dancing and celebrating; a huge Sergeant came up to me; he must have been 6'5', broad of shoulders, and with giant hands - he took both of my hands and they disappeared into his. He was shaking a little, and his eyes were wet with tears. He said he wanted to tell me something. We were against a wall, both my hands in his sweaty shaking ones. I'm looking up at this huge guy, and he rumbled to me in a deep and shaky voice, "I want to tell you that your son is the best officer I've ever had. He saved my life; I would follow him anywhere." I was taken aback - not sure how to properly respond to such a revelation - I fumbled, "Well thank you Sgt. Benson, I know Ben thinks the world of his team, you guys. I am so glad he was there for you." He hugged me, and hugged me, and we stood there sweaty and close as he continues to shake. It made me start to cry - this intense emotion this man shared with me. I was overwhelmed. I told Ben about that conversation, and his response was that Benson had likely saved his life, not the other way around, and that the guy regularly beat him at the gym.
I came home from Italy, and Ben continued his work with the men he loved and who loved him. Out of nowhere he called me in the middle of the day. He told me he had been apprehended, put in handcuffs by a CID agent who told him he was going to jail for identity theft, wire fraud, and larceny. It was because of the GRAP program he used five years previous. I immediately demanded, "What did you do?" His response, "Mom, I have no idea." He was relieved of duty as a platoon leader instantaneously. This event would culminate into three miserable years of torment. Ben fought long and hard for his career. Letter after letter of recommendation from his commanders and peers, and superior officer evaluation reports and commendations for bravery meant nothing in the end. He appealed at each level and every opportunity. An exhaustive investigation into his actions in the GRAP program, his finances, and his personal bank account showed no evidence of wrongdoing.
Despite the findings of the investigation, a General Officer Memorandum of Reprimand (GOMAR) was placed in his active military file based on a massive Army-wide witch-hunt being used to throw good soldiers under the bus. As a mother, I endured the pain of watching my son struggle to save his career and clear his name, but that was not enough for army officials. They unjustly took administrative action based on an inconclusive investigation from actions that occurred over five years ago, all at the cost of my son's career. An officer with a spotless record of honorable service.
He rotated back to Ft Benning, and he was treated as a substandard soldier, a pariah who was taking up space until his imminent separation. The Army mercilessly hounded my son, finally kicking him out after over 16 years of stellar service, excellent evaluations from his superiors, and three tours of duty. The most difficult part of this whole experience is that Ben loves the Army, loves Soldiers, and is proud of his service. He would have happily continued to serve with honor and character. He loves the army still even though they separated him, took his credentials unceremoniously, and put him out with no severance, no retirement, and no recognition for his 16 years of service. For no reason.
Ben has since started a CrossFit gym in Tampa and is putting his life back together. Ben provides outreach to veterans in the community. He currently volunteers coaching at his facility to the University of Tampa's ROTC Program, and the Tampa chapter of Team Red White and Blue. Ben's service, past and present, is the most important part of his life. It is the thing he is most proud of, and the thing that now causes him the most pain. There is life after the army, and I hope one day Ben's heart and head can accept that. I love my son, but more importantly, I have enormous respect for how he has persevered through this experience maintaining his dignity, patriotism, and desire to help others.