An Open Letter to Oprah

Dear Oprah,

Maybe Dear Oprah is too formal.

Hello Oprah,

I'm writing this open letter to you because I've run across thousands of women that love you. This is tough for me to write because you are doing so many awesome things for people all over the world.

I'm the director of a documentary called "America the Beautiful," which deals with our unhealthy obsession with beauty. I've interviewed 2000 women over a six-year period about how they feel about themselves and, as I'm sure you know, the results weren't pretty.

All of that being said, here goes. Oprah, I'm not exaggerating when I say this: everywhere I go, women's groups, teenage girls and the heads of eating disorder clinics ask me, "Why does Oprah have such a problem with her body?"

Of course, I can't answer the question, because I don't know you like that, but I can say it seems to be a problem for a lot of women. With your influence, you have a prime opportunity to be a role model for millions of women that don't "fit the ideal."

What if, instead of engaging in yo-yo diets, you simply said on one of your shows, "I'm beautiful, exactly the way I am"? You would instantly raise the self-esteems of millions of women.

Or if you wanted to take a different approach, what if you said, "I know that I'm beautiful the way that I am, but I went to the doctor the other day and because of the extra pounds that I have, my blood pressure is a little high, so even though I'm beautiful, I need to lose 15 pounds for health reasons." Presto: Millions of women would run to the doctor to make sure they were healthy.

In spending six years with "America the Beautiful," I've come to that definition of beauty myself. Beauty = optimal health.

Oprah, I know we're all victims to the images that advertisers put into our heads with the utmost of repetition, that say if you're not stick thin, then you have no value. Because you live in America with the rest of us, I would imagine you're not immune to the bombardment of media images either.

I wish you could make yourself invisible and travel with me. You'd get a chance to hear thousands of women speaking of how you're beautiful, exactly the way that you are. Your millions of fans don't care if you're a size 4 or a size 40, they care about what's coming from your heart.

Times are tough and women need you. We're in the middle of a recession so fierce that people are losing their jobs faster than the speed of light. And when you can't pay your bills and are facing insurmountable challenges like putting food on the table, the one thing that you should have is a healthy self-esteem.

I had the president of one of the biggest women's groups in Philadelphia complain to me two weeks ago about an episode of one of your shows. This is the one where you talked about being in a picture with Cher and some other celebrity. You said," standing next to them, I felt like a fat cow."

Oprah, NOOOOOO! You shouldn't say things like that on your show, even if you feel it. One of the things hurting young girls today is their parents (you are a like a mom to a lot of women) criticizing their bodies. When you said that, imagine how women felt that are your size.

Then some woman told me you came out on your show carrying a red wagon full of fat, that represented massive weight loss.

With love, I'm telling you that type of talk and behavior is tantamount to being reckless and it does a lot of women a lot of harm.

In an era where advertisers get 20,000 impressions a week over a teenage girl's mind compared to her parents' 2,000 impressions, we need you to be a role model to women when it comes to body size and self-esteem.

I met a 17-year old girl in Fargo, North Dakota that told me she had gained weight, lost weight, gained weight, lost weight and she'll get it right one day. When I told her doing that was unhealthy, she said, "What do you mean? Oprah does it."

That was sad.

As I write this, I'm sitting here with a woman who just shared another story with me. She said she was in a supermarket and read in some magazine that you were upset that you'd gained your weight back.

She said her first thought was, "That's why we like her. She's just like us." Then she said a few minutes later she thought, "With Oprah's resources she should be able to live a healthier lifestyle to set a better example for us."

Oprah, when I look at your various accomplishments, it's more than clear to me that you have the wisdom and resolve to overcome this issue and set women on the right path. I'm personally begging you to do it. Keep in mind that I normally don't beg. It's just that I've become something like an activist for women after doing this film. I don't have nearly the reach that you have, but I'm willing to do what I can.

I know you may read this and tell me to jump in the lake and I can understand that. Just remember, I'm writing this to you as a human being, not a billionaire, not a mega talk-show host, just a human being. On a level where we all must learn to exist.

Oprah, if you'd like for me to share with you the countless stories of devastation wreaking havoc on young girls across the country, that have been shared with me, I would be glad to. I live in Chicago. I will meet with you at any time.

But for now, please, for all of our sakes, stop the dieting on your show. It tells way too many women that it's okay to go on unhealthy yo-yo diets. Thanks for listening!

With love,

Darryl Roberts

 

Comments

[chroma601]

Please check out the Judgment of Paris forum:
Example: Lillian Russel featured in New England Home Magazine, 1899:
When describing the beauty of the famed singer, the author of the article affirms that

Lillian Russell is certainly a radiant creature. Even those who are least likely to be attracted by her personality must admit this, when she looms up in all her physical beauty on the stage before them. For more than twenty years she has been a favorite, and she says she'll try to be a favorite for another twenty.

Bear in mind that in 1899, Russell was at the acknowledged peak of both her beauty--and her size. Contemporary estimates put her weight in the neighbourhood of 200 lbs (at 5'6). However, it never even crossed this writer's mind that Lillian Russell's figure could detract from her beauty. Rather, the author asserts, with complete confidence, that even those readers who balk at Russell's controversial behaviour "must" acknowledge her physical appeal.

It has taken a hundred years of brainwashing to turn these aesthetic beliefs upside down, and to produce a society in which people supposedly "must" acknowledge the beauty of a character played by a waif actress such as Cameron Diaz--no matter how questionable her behaviour may be. But a century ago--indeed, in every century prior to the twentieth--it was full-figured goddesses whose beauty made them immune to censure.

[Flavor]

Mr. Roberts, before I made a statement on the blogg, I had to do some thinking, and this is what I thought about. During my life time I can honestly say that there was a time I lived my life according to people I thought were important in my life, I did things to please them and not myself, I can honestly say that it even happened when it came to weight loss. Now I am not saying if your at a unhealthy weight that you should not try to get some help. What I'm actually saying is that I noticed if someone sayed one word to me about weight gain I was hitting the track. What finally happened in my life was I said, flavor I like you, and then I was able to stay at a certain weight, not because of others approval of me, but because I started looking at myself differently. Have I gain some extra pds. during this time, just a few but I write down what I don't want to go over for as weight, because the yo-yo dieting can be dangerous to your heart. I like your article, it makes one think. Peace Out.

[mmgbizgirl]

I don't believe Oprah is the problem. I believe there are those who believe she has too much power and influence over women. That's the real underlying problem they have with her.

Regarding self image, everyone of us has had someone in our life who has struggled with weight. She has simply shared her story with us. She hasn't forced anything down our throats. She offered a point of view. I take advice that is meaningful for me and discard what is not. That's what we can teach our daughters.

One thing she has done her entire career is to empower women to take responsibility for themselves, their emotional and physical health, much she has learned along the way. She has dared to challenge our narrow standards of beauty and celebrates real women, our real stories with grace and dignity.

On her journey to become the woman she was meant to be she's made mistakes but I believe her show and her magazine fosters the right messages for women about acceptance of our strengths and flaws.

Oprah is a great person and should be challenged like anyone else if she sends the wrong message. To the author: I believe you should know your subject matter completely before you put pen to paper. It is painfully clear that you don't know the woman.

[Edeo Edmonton]

Hello mmgbizgirl...

If you are suggesting the "right" message is Oprah's "O" magazine - with it's airbrushed covers and dieting articles; her magazine's acceptance of advertising campaigns depicting anorexic models and use of near-pornographic pictures to sell merchandise; her yo-yo dieting; her self-deprecation; or, her encouragement of a 12-year old child-model to "work it girl" as the model strutters her child-body on the Oprah show - then perhaps you - mmgbizgirl - should see the film America The Beautiful - and clearly understand the subject matter before YOU put pen to paper. It is painfully (alright - less painfully and more humorously) clear that you don't. Additionally, weight and self-esteem do not necessarily go hand-in-hand.

I applaud Mr. Roberts (and the tens of thousands of women who support him) for having the courage and conviction - to suggest Ms. Winfrey re-think her stance. I also note her distinct lack of the courtesy of a response to Mr. Roberts - now two plus weeks after the letter was written. Is she hoping the issues will simply go away?

I have boycotted all that is "Oprah" and encourage women around the world to stand together and consider what really is best for women globally.

[Linda31]

Mr. Roberts, I actually watched the show you mentioned when Oprah talked about her discomfort standing next to Cher and Tina Turner. She talked about her health and not that beauty is related to weight. From what I have seen of her shows and what makes her successful, she focuses on people's inner beauty and how to better themselves. She especially focuses on younger girls and their self worth.

Now by asking her to be dishonest with her audience or keeping her mouth shut, you actually are trying to change one of the formulas that makes her successful.

So I think you might want to respectfully reevaluate your approach.

[Robertsyah]

Hey Linda,

For the record, I'm only requesting on the behalf of 100,000 women, that Oprah considers exactly what's in the letter. There's nothing in the letter that suggests that Oprah should be dishonest with her audience.

By the way, the president of one of the largest women's organizations in Pennsylvania has the episode that you say you saw. If you send me your phone number, I'll have her play it for you over the phone. What you'll hear Oprah say is "sitting between Cher and......I felt like a fat cow! This is a fact and isn't debatable.

I've been to 224 cities and 7 countries with the film and I've met tens of thousands of women and my overall goal is to make things better for them, especially where their self-esteem is concerned.

Two weeks ago an 18 or 19 year old girl walked up to me crying. She hugged me, then handed me a knife. I looked at the knife, slightly alarmed. She then said..."I was going to kill myself tonight, but my friend insisted that I see this movie before I did. After seeing your movie, I feel beautiful for the first time in my life."

She then walked away. I actually cried after digesting what I'd heard.

Young women need help and I'm going to do whatever I can to help them.

That was the spirit in which I wrote the letter to Oprah.

Darryl Roberts

[JenBue]

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.

Thank You for writing this letter!

You so beautifully encapsulated my feelings about the influence of Oprah's misguided dieting ordeal on the public. I say misguided, because she has sought out guidance from health providers who represent themselves as experts in size and weight issues....and they are NOT!

Oprah's experience with these self-proclaimed experts is so parallell to the experience of many women (and a number of men). They provide advice which leads to a life-long dependence on people such as themselves. Along the way, they internalize the "expert advice" and become the strongest defenders of this misguided advice and the associated reasons why they should hate their bodies and despise their inability to succeed at the impossible dictates. I dearly hope that Oprah reads and considers your letter.

[Sammo96]

Dr. Roberts,

Thank you so very much for this letter to Oprah. I have been composing (unfortunately only in my head) letters to her over the years about the role model she could be instead of being so co-opted by the sick system and actively perpetuating it.

I will not allow copies of O Magazine in my waiting room as I feel it is such a proponent of eating disorders and exercise bulimia. I won't subject my clients to its contents. And that is unfortunate because there are so many other things that Oprah and O Magazine do correctly.

Again, thank you.

[MisMo]

Darryl,


I met you in Maryland, center for eating disorders and loved your movie.



Thank you so much for doing this. When I saw oprah whining about her weight gain and focusing so much on weight loss I got sick to my stomach. As a mother of a 16 year old girl who has just been released from hospital I wrote this letter to Oprah in mind a thousand times. I liked her before but lost so much respect for her due to her ignorance on the topic. Then she had a show on which foods are better for weight loss and I stopped watching her all together.



I hope you get far and high with your cause. But in any case you have castle reserved in your name in heaven. I would do anything to help you and I hope you hear back from her shallowness but I doubt it.


XXXXXXXXXXXXX
Johns Hopkins University
Applied Physics Laboratory

[ChangeSupporter]

Mr. Roberts, you said if Oprah said '"I'm beautiful, exactly the way I am", she would instantly raise the self-esteem of millions of women'. No kidding? Her mere words would suddenly make millions of women view themselves differently?

I like Oprah well enough but I seriously doubt that she can accomplish that kind of transformation. Why shouldn't she have said she felt like a fat cow next to Cher and Tina Turner ? Shouldn't she be free to express her feelings? Or should she have bottled it up and then drown them later in extra food? It didn't bother me or made me look at myself differently.

Women will go on 'yo-yo' diets with or without Oprah. Self -esteem is not about what someone says, it is about how one views and values oneself. I am considered overweight by 'media standards', but I don't allow those standards, or my dress size to define me. I am fabulous, beautiful, educated, successful in my size 16 body.

For the 2000 slightly broken ones you interviewed, there are 2000 whole ones with no self-esteem issues. You said to Oprah, "Times are tough and women need you."....What exactly do we need her for? To pay the mortgage? Trust me, people going through tough times are not checking for Oprah.

Mr. Roberts, I think your letter is a little ridiculous. Making Oprah the magician whose words will self-esteem issues go away just seems silly.

[meetoo]

I would add to this to consult with another doc about treating your hypothyroidism -- soy is not good for people with a diagnosis of hypothyroidism. After her diagnosis, OPrah went on a soy only diet. I was not surprised when her weight gain soared. Do the research. I think Dr Northrup is cool -- but on treatment of the thyroid -- bad bad advice.

[benne]

This is a terrific, humane letter. Thank you for it!

[msoverall]

Have we become so stupid and easily led that if Oprah said eating out of a dirty garbage can was good for us we'd do it? People get grip, anyone who stops taking their prescribed meds, obviously ain't too bright. People need to do their own research and question their own Drs. when it comes to their health issues and not allow some big-headed celebrity who has the money to right their medical mistakes, to influence their decisions.

[James Stordahl]

As a 62-year-0ld postal service retiree, I find that the Oprah Show has brought me much more useful information than I had gained in my 30 years with USPS. USEFUL information. How to handle yourself in public. How to properly recognize your strengths and weaknesses. How to be thankful for who you are and what you HAVE accomplished in life. I biew her show as half 'talk' and half 'religious experience'. It's like waking up. I have gained the courage to be a better person due to Oprah and her guests and I'm proud to announce that to all.

[neworleanslady68]

Wow. What a nice job with this blog. Great job! Thank you for saying this - it needed to be said.

I have been so confused by Oprah's magazine since it came out - and, to a degree, her show as well. She is always telling women to love themselves, but the magazine is full of disturbing mainstream ads that make women feel like they can't quite live up to the standard, and her makeover shows make it seems like women are not okay just as they are. I don't mean weight, but just general appearance, with the makeup, the teeth whitening, the hair highlighting, the manicure. They do these makeovers, and the audience cheers, and I wonder what was really wrong with the way the women looked before...

[Edeo Edmonton]

To MPeter - Have you seen Darryl's film America The Beautiful? If not, I would encourage you to see it. It will definitively change your stance on "Oprah" being a positive role model or doing a great public service.

My organization is taking the film America The Beautiful across Canada. The issues addressed in the film are world-wide and demand attention; they demand woman everywhere stand together and challenge Oprah to do the right thing. Both men and women are being stripped of their self-esteem by media moguls such as Oprah - whose interest in the dollar outweighs their genuine interest in the public who provide those dollars.

I applauded the Huffington Post for publishing Darryl's letter. What an incredible statement to women around the world!!

[ThyroidAdvocate]

I also wish Oprah would recognize that her hypothyroidism -- an underactive thyroid -- is a medical condition that warrants treatment, and a "mind-body problem." Over the past two years, she's been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, but announced that she stopped her medication. No surprise, then, that this coincides with her weight gain back to 200 pounds. Meanwhile, on the advice of her so-called experts she went on soy-heavy diets -- more weight gain -- and had doctors on her show say that stress reduction, bubble baths and blowing kisses to yourself in the mirror will somehow cure an endocrine condition like thyroid disease. (I'm not making this up.)

If Oprah had diabetes, another endocrine condition, I doubt she'd refuse prescribed medication, and instead self-treat with chakra balancing and soy smoothies every day, as she has with her hypothyroidism.

By declaring that she has a thyroid problem, and refusing to accept treatment -- then angsting about her weight gain -- she is doing a huge disservice to millions of viewers. Weight gain -- and an inability to lose weight with diet and exercise -- are standard in women with hypothyroidism are not getting treatment.

(So are infertility, recurrent miscarriage, low sex drive, hair loss, fatigue, depression, brain fog, constipation, muscle aches, difficult menopause -- by the way.)

Mary Shomon
Thyroid Patient Advocate
Author: Living Well With Hypothyroidism
http://www.thyroid-info.com / http://thyroid.about.com

[llisa]

How dangerous!

I don't watch Oprah, but I know that many women do, and not taking her thyroid medication (causing innumerable, easily influenced women to do the same) is irresponsible.

[bellemeade]

Exactly! And there ARE apparently millions of people who hang on her every word, i.e., read what she reads, eat what she eats, ad nauseum. Her stopping her medication is akin to Tom Cruise making the statement that Scientology can help people with mental disorders and insinuating they should stop taking THEIR medication. Totally irresponsible.

[Halsey]

Mary....thank you for pointing out how stupid it is to stop thyroid medication. My problem is just the opposite...I have a problem with being too skinny...cancer, chemo radiation...all took 25 pounds off my 120 body...so at 95 lbs (5'8")...I feel like a FREAK!...and it is just as hard to put on weight as lose it (when you have medical issues).... I would like to not be embarrassed by my anorexic appearance..but am.. if I gave up MY thyroid medication...I'd wither away to nothing...(thyroid also affect mental acuity)...

this is a good piece....Health should affect our weight goals..NOT the cover of Vogue....

[Elizabeth]

So true.....for me it has been an issue all my life--being too thin (doctor says perfect). everyone fat says, "wish i had your problem" but mine is worse. it took me a year to gain 10 # after falling to 95 during two months of illness. then, a stressful week caused me to lose 7. i eat all the time, healthy foods all day long. i can outeat (not a word) a lumberjack.

oprah, read this and do what he says, please.