Relaxed-Fit Pants Guy Doesn't Cut Obama Any Slack(s)

04/25/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Dave Astor Author, 'Comic (and Column) Confessional'

The Relaxed-Fit Pants Guy is mad as hell and he's not going to take it anymore!

Even though President Obama has been too deferential to America's big-money men, many liberals hesitate to criticize him. But not the Relaxed-Fit Pants Guy!

Here's The Huffington Post's brief but exclusive interview with the man also known as the Stretchy-Trousers Troubador:

HUFFINGTON POST: What's your beef with Obama?

RELAXED-FIT PANTS GUY: He's as slim as dental floss. If Americans emulate Obama by losing weight, sales of my expandable slacks will tumble!

HP: Oh, so your opposition to Obama has nothing to do with his pandering to Wall Street or his sending more U.S. troops into Afghanistan?

RFPG: I can't stomach those things, either. But mostly I can't stomach American stomachs getting smaller if everyone becomes as thin as Obama.

HP: So what's the solution?

RFPG: With every regular pair of pants I sell, I'm now pouring delicious, high-calorie milkshakes into the pockets for the wearers to drink. By the time they need trousers again, my customers will HAVE to buy the relaxed-fit kind.

HP: But milkshakes and pants don't go together!

RFPG: Of course they do. Vanilla milkshakes in white pants, chocolate milkshakes in brown pants, pistachio milkshakes in Kermit the frog's pants.

HP: Any last words?

RFPG: Bon appetit!

Well, there you have it, folks. Relaxed-Fit Pants Guy is a liberal with the gut -- er, the guts -- to criticize a president for leaving many Americans hungry for real change. And hungry people are NOT a prime demographic for expandable slacks.

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