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Dave Hill

Dave Hill

Posted: September 9, 2009 09:32 AM

Animal Report



Yesterday, I went shopping at my local grocery/deli type store on the corner and saw this little kitty cat shopping at the same time I was. A lot of people think kitty cats pretty much never go shopping, but this photo pokes a big hole in that theory. Believe me- I was just as surprised as anyone to see it all happening, so I decided to watch the kitty cat myself to see just what sort of things a kitty cat shops for when it's out running errands like a person.

As it turned out the kitty cat pretty much couldn't find a single that it seemed to be looking for. It sat and stared for a while at the beer cooler, which I thought was really funny because everyone knows kitty cats don't drink beer (unless they are party kitty cats, of course! Ha ha!). The milk cooler was right next to the beer cooler, but this particular kitty cat did not seem to have any interest in that whatsoever. Go figure. I guess I don't tend to shop for bullshit I've already got at home either. Hey- we're not so different after all! I love kitty cats!

After staring at the beer cooler for a little bit, the kitty cat wandered down the cracker and cookie aisle, but still seemed to find nothing that interested him/her (did not get a good look at the crotch to make any clear gender determination. You'd think kitty cats would accessorize or something and make my job a little easier in that department, but no- it always come down to getting right up in there, pushing the fur aside and giving my medical opinion).

Once the kitty cat got to the end of the cracker and cookie aisle, it just sort of lied down on the floor for a few seconds. It is at this point that I approached it and it rolled over and exposed its belly to me, something almost no one ever does to me at grocery stores during daytime hours. I'm not sure what the hell kind of message the kitty cat was trying to send me, but I refused to take the bait. Get me down on the ground, claw my eyes out! Yeah, no thanks, kitty cat! I'm not stupid!

After nearly maiming me, the kitty cat got back up and headed for the end- of-aisle chip display. Here it just sat there and stared for a second before discovering a box of snack-sized Combos at the bottom of the display and briefly batting around one package that appeared to already be hanging halfway out of the box (pepperoni-flavored, I think).

Once the kitty cat grew bored with the Combos (like the rest of America! Fuck you, Combos!), it transitioned into a sitting position and just sort of looked around- seemingly at nothing in particular- and then collapsed on the ground and quickly fell asleep before- seconds later- being awakened by the sandwich guy yelling to somebody about something sandwich-related. This caused the kitty cat to suddenly sit upright, look around again for a second, and then start staring directly at me with a look of death I have almost never seen in the eyes of an otherwise domesticated animal before. It is at this point that I decided to pay for my yogurt and get the hell out of there so I didn't have to type this from a goddamn hospital bed using a pencil that's sticking out of my mouth while some woman I just met tries to teach me to relearn how to pee. No thanks, kitty cat!

In other news, this past weekend I went to a Chinese restaurant to eat some Chinese food (duh!). It was here that I witnessed the world's largest fish dump, which was being taken by one of the fish in the fish tank near up where the cashier lady sits. Despite the fact that the fish was taking a crap easily twice the length of the its entire body, none of the other fish seemed to notice aside from this one fish who kept swimming right up to the shit rope and sort of staring at it for a few seconds with a look on its face that seemed to say "Should I or shouldn't I? Should I or shouldn't I?" More as this story develops.

Dave Hill


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Yesterday, I went shopping at my local grocery/deli type store on the corner and saw this little kitty cat shopping at the same time I was. A lot of people think kitty cats pretty much never go shop...
Yesterday, I went shopping at my local grocery/deli type store on the corner and saw this little kitty cat shopping at the same time I was. A lot of people think kitty cats pretty much never go shop...
 
 
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12:52 AM on 09/11/2009
Obviously, you've never kept an aquarium. I have a black moor in my 40 gallon goldfish tank who always amazes me with the length of his poops. There's also a swordtail in my 75 gallon community tank who's no slouch.
04:43 PM on 09/10/2009
Where does this cat find the time in this season to go shopping?

My cat has just turned her attention from her summer long vacation of the hunting of the field mice to her winter farm. Every day she tenderly catches at least one field mouse and brings it home unharmed, releasing it into the environment so that she will have a good herd through the winter.

She just doesn't understand that my bylaws restrict the house, so that I will not allow her to set up her farm.

It will be a couple of weeks before she gives up, and has some free time again for shopping.
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Sophie Pollitt-Cohen
10:25 PM on 09/09/2009
This is HILARIOUS. I am becoming your fan. I think cats are really funny, because why are they always barfing on everything?

PS remember when I was on your show with my dad?
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Dave Hill
The People's Champion
08:22 AM on 09/10/2009
Thank you! Of course I remember when you were on my show. You were great. I am going to read your blog!

Thanks again,
Dave
06:17 PM on 09/09/2009
omigosh! i don't know who you are or what you do, but i became a huge fan after that second sentence. i laughed so hard i scared my dog.
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Dave Hill
The People's Champion
06:46 PM on 09/09/2009
Thank you! Sorry for scaring the dog.
04:21 PM on 09/09/2009
Love your writing style, man. This article made me LOL, literally.
:)
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Dave Hill
The People's Champion
06:46 PM on 09/09/2009
Thanks!
11:20 AM on 09/09/2009
Calicos are cute, but they have been known to snap, due to their scattershot genetics. So I think you made the right call.
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Dave Hill
The People's Champion
03:28 PM on 09/09/2009
That's weird- I am the exact same way!
10:42 AM on 09/09/2009
If the cat is a calico, she is a she. Didn't you pay attention in biology class?
03:47 PM on 09/09/2009
It's not 100% a she. Calicos and tortoiseshells are female 99% of the time. I'll explain, but it's going to get ugly.

Here's the deal. Almost every tortoiseshell/calico is a female (XX). You do need two X chromosomes in order to produce the tortoiseshell/calico pattern - it's a sex-linked characteristic. Sometimes, though, a kitten is born with an extra chromosome (XXY). So it may present with male (XY) genitalia, but have the necessary genetic components (XX) to be tortie.

This genetic anomaly happens in humans, as well. A man might never find this out, except that the anomaly renders males sterile. So if a man is attempting to become a parent and goes the route of testing to determine why he's sterile, he might find out he's XXY.

So, anyway, there are actually three genetic possibilities for tortoiseshell/calico.

1. A normal XX female kitten - most common

2. An XXY kitten, genetically neither male nor female, but can have male or female genitalia - very rare

3. A chimera, which would look like a tortoiseshell/calico, but not genetically be a true tortoiseshell/calico. I'm not even going to attempt to explain this one. You can look it up, and also there was a great CSI episode about a suspect who was a chimera, and really broke it down very well. The prevalence of this is unknown, because literally anyone (or any cat) could be a chimera. YOU could be a chimera.
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klevenstein
aerospace computer engineer animal advocate
04:23 PM on 09/09/2009
It's true, the orange (or "red" in some cat-breed descriptions) genetic trait is very dominant in male cats, and hardly ever in females. Therefore, a calico is almost always a female, as I'm sure Dave's enthusiastic shopper was.

However, I am currently fostering a definitely male kitten that has a coat of red tabby, white and grey (called "blue" in some cat-breed descriptions). Having fostered literally hundreds of cats and handled about a thousand more in my volunteer animal rescue work, this is the FIRST tri-color male I have seen.