LeBron James: The Man Who Would Dunk on Dubya

[Note: please post suggestions of who LeBron James of who he should dunk on next]

It's rare when athletes respond to a dreary, clichéd question with a stimulating answer. Thank you LeBron James. Maxim Magazine wanted to know who basketball's king would most like to dunk on. The reigning NBA MVP didn't name the towering Yao Ming or the "Bird Man" Chris Anderson. Instead he said, "If it doesn't have to be a basketball player, George W. Bush. I would dunk on his ass, break the rim, and shatter the glass."

Damn. LeBron, the most dynamically violent dunker since Dominique Wilkins, is going out of his way to show that he has a political ax to grind with the man who spearheaded both a war based on lies and the near collapse of our economy. James is clearly choosing to not go the way of his hero Michael Jordan who famously wouldn't stand up to Sen. Jesse Helms in 1990 because "Republicans buy sneakers too."

My one issue is his choice. Today George W. Bush is a remarkably feeble figure on the American scene. He is even speaking at a dreadful, cringe-worthy October 26th "business seminar" in Ft. Worth, Texas called "Get Motivated!" Other speakers include former NFL quarterback Terry Bradshaw, and "America's #1 Motivator Zig Ziglar! But the headliner at this craptastic event will be the 43rd President. Going to George W. Bush for business motivation is like asking Jon and Kate how to raise your kids.

Clearly, LeBron needs to seek a better class of villain for his dunking displays. Unfortunately, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and the usual braying barnyard of bigots are just too obvious, and frankly their act is getting stale.

Maybe King James should instead start with some of the worst people in the world of sports. After all, there is a reason that Rush Limbaugh felt like he would blend right in to the ownership fraternity. How sweet it would be to see LeBron bring down the hammer on the heads of the following folk:

1. Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones: His new $1.15 billion stadium in Arlington comes complete with cage-dancing cheerleaders, the widest flat screen television in the world, and special "party pass" tickets so people can stand outside the stadium and watch the game through osmosis. Jones took $350 million of public money to build the Cowboys stadium in a state where almost 1 in 4 children live in poverty. Even worse, Jones believes that just because he knows how to fleece the locals, he also possesses the know-how to draft players, hire coaches, and play General Manager. Keep in mind that the last quarterback to win a playoff game for Jerry Jones was Troy Aikman in 1996. Jones needs to get dunked on now.
2. Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder: In the name of all that's good and holy, we need to petition the federal government to declare eminent domain and take this team out of Daniel Snyder's hands. We would have one helluva case. There are the off-field reasons aplenty. This off-season, came the news that Snyder is suing season ticket holders who couldn't make payments on their season tickets. There is no other franchise that takes this extraordinary step. They are suing people like 73-year-old grandmother Pat Hill, a lifelong Redskins fans, who because of the recession couldn't keep up with her payments. Hill had been a season ticket holder since 1962 when her daughter danced during the halftime shows. She couldn't afford attorneys to ward off the team and had to declare bankruptcy. "It really breaks my heart," Hill said to the Washington Post, through a mess of tears. "I don't even believe in bankruptcy. We are supposed to pay our bills. I ain't trying to get out of anything." Dan Snyder: the scourge of grandmothers everywhere. Then there is the team he has assembled on the field which is 2-4 despite playing winless teams every single week of the season. The only offense they've displayed is their team name.
3. Judge Keith Bardwell: This isn't someone from the world of sports, but the justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, Louisiana needs to be served some King James medicine. Bardwell is the Jim Crow Judge who made national headlines by refusing to marry an interracial couple "I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else." LeBron: please dunk on this guy's head and send him back to the confederacy.
4. But maybe the most obvious choice of all is the guy overseeing two wars in 2009; the guy who won't fight for a health care public option or broader union protections; the guy dragging his feet on LGBT rights; the guy who also happens to play hoops. Watch out Mr. President: here comes the King.

These are my four. If you have your own choices, please mark them down and I will send suggestions to LeBron's people about who really deserves some King James Justice. After all, George W. Bush is simply yesterday's news.

 

 

Follow Dave Zirin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/edgeofsports

Comments

[thesocialistidealist]

Well, I think in some ways Lebron is on the right track, but Bush is yesterday's news. How about Barack Obama, who has been implementing Bush's policies? Sure, its a blunt statement that his supporters don't want to make, but seriously, if Bush is guilty of immoral wars, torture, supporting the rich over the rest, etc, and is the worst president ever because of it, doesn't Obama deserve the same degree of blame for continuing these policies?

[tbond]

So very many choices. How about Larry Summers, current chief economic advisor for Obama, who in 1991 as president of the World Bank, wrote:

"'Dirty' Industries: Just between you and me, shouldn't the World Bank be encouraging MORE migration of the dirty industries to the LDCs [Less Developed Countries]? I can think of three reasons:

1) . . . From this point of view a given amount of health impairing pollution should be done in the country with the lowest cost, which will be the country with the lowest wages. I think the economic logic behind dumping a load of toxic waste in the lowest wage country is impeccable and we should face up to that.

2) . . . I've always though that under-populated countries in Africa are vastly UNDER-polluted, their air quality is probably vastly inefficiently low compared to Los Angeles or Mexico City.

3) . . .The concern over an agent that causes a one in a million change in the odds of prostrate cancer is obviously going to be much higher in a country where people survive to get prostrate cancer than in a country where under 5 mortality is is 200 per thousand.

The problem with the arguments against all of these proposals for more pollution in LDCs (intrinsic rights to certain goods, moral reasons, social concerns, lack of adequate markets, etc.) could be turned around and used more or less effectively against every Bank proposal for liberalization. "

[dhinds]

Clevelanders don't mess around - and LeBron chose the man who did the most damage to the USA, ever.

[Alex M Mobley]

I'm going to assume that a dunk from James is not merely a moment of humiliation but an opportunity to improve one's life mission and redeem themselves -- so I'll nominate Tony Dungy, who does really cool stuff for incarcerated black men (Michael Vick) who deserve a second chance but really need to drop their homophobia. Having an alpha male like King James in the role of anti-homophobe would only help the cause.

[zull2]

LeBron has always, always played his social cards safely. He didn't even come out with how he felt about Bush until after the man was out of office, and it appeared that his positive poll numbers would still continue to reside down in the tens-twenties. LeBron James is a business professional that happens to make a ton of cash playing basketball and he'd like to keep it that way. Turning him into a social activist is most likely never going to happen...he might donate a lot and speak for a lot of charities, but that's what's expected of a player who makes as much as he does with his stature in the game. If LeBron ever said anything that can or could be construed as controversial that could cost him some fans, he'd probably have a huge press conference and beat himself up over it. That's what the people around him expect him to do, and that's pretty much been his modus operandi over his entire career. The guy didn't go to college, but he's definitely smart enough to know that if he takes risks, people will use that as leverage against him in other matters.

That said, if Obama's already set the deadline to end one of those wars, is teetering on ending another, is on the brink of signing in health care with a public option, and next up will probably be a jobs bill that will include card check. Just saying.

[countfloyd]

He and Jay Z held a big fundraiser for Obama. That is a pretty big statement to me.

[mamalisa38]

Max Baucus, Charles Grassley, John Ensign, Tom Coburn, Harry Reid.

[MikaS]

and James Inhofe

[jeffstuff]

Any one of those teabaggers (who really should look up the term in an urban dictionary) who demands that government stay out of their lives, but accepts Medicare, food stamps, etc. Dunk on them and they may see stars or they may see the light!

[virtualx]

Wow, a news article where the thesis doesn't lead to a predictable conclusion!? Totally, caught me off-guard. Totally spot-on with all points especially #4!!!

[Zyzzygowski]

Certainly a metaphor for who we would like to take out our agressions on. This is corner bar conversation, not to be taken all that seriously, but I'll play.

Pundits, columnists, journalists, and people who write for BLOGS. Yep, quite a few individuals. But, anyone who takes their own words too seriously believing what the put out would solve every ill.

Yep, I'd like James to try and dunk on me. I'd flop like a sissy and take the charge every time. LOL.

[WorkingClass]

LeBron rocks. LeBron made the right choice.

[PlaceboStudman]

in politics: John Boehner, Eric Cantor, Jim DeMint, Joe Wilson,

in entertainment: Stephen Baldwin, Don Imus, Howard Stern

in "news": Lou Dobbs, Rush (of course), Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly...okay ALL FoxNews commentators

in Music: Toby Keith, Bono (U2)

[Loophole]

Howard Stern?! What'd he do?