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David Bloomfield

David Bloomfield

Posted: October 29, 2010 05:42 PM

Dunk'em and Skunk 'Em

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Full Court Pres shoveled the ball to Dunk'em, who missed the easy layup.

"Shi-cago!" shouted Pres. "I thought you said this school stuff was easy."

"It got me here, didn't it?" said Dunk'em with a smile. "It's all about ball control. The media eat it up."

"But what about the score? The real deal? Don't you have to make points?"

"Sure," replied Dunk, walking to a complex control panel on the sidelines. He pushed a button and the basket lowered to the height of an eight year old. Eyes closed, Dunk'em tossed the ball toward the net. Swish!

"Plenty of ways to score," he explained. "Lower the basket or make it wider. The ball can be smaller or lighter. Whatever combination helps! We keep drilling until the players can barely pass, then take a picture before they forget. Sometimes we just reset the scoreboard. No one seems to care as long as they look good. We're putting these control panels into every district in the country."

Full Court looked worried. "But hold on. We're playing the Republicans. Aren't they going to know?"

"You don't get it. We're playing with them, not against them. We're crushing the players' union, throwing out rules, creating hedge fund owner/managers. If any player fails, they just take the player off the roster so their record doesn't go down. Mostly, though, the low performers just leave anyway. They and the handicapped and the non-English speakers. But there's so much razzle dazzle, the public doesn't notice. Republicans had Shock and Awe. We've got Race to the Top!"

"But won't we be exposed, Dunk'em? You have all that technology but they still can't read the play book or count up to a double dribble."

"No problem, Pres. That happened in my last job. By the time people realized that scores hadn't really gone up and my new teams were as bad as the old ones, I was gone. That's what all the greats do. Paige in Houston. Vallas in Chicago, then Philly. By the time you and I are found out we'll be into your second term or writing our memoirs."

"What's your title?" asked Pres.

"I wanted to call it, Waiting for 'Superman'.

"Still a good idea. I hear fiction sells."

 
 
 

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