As 2008 winds down, giving us a time to reflect on just how dreadful the past 12 months have been for everyone except Nate Silver, what better time to highlight the Top 10 Douchebags of 2008?
For those of you keeping score at home, a douchebag isn't simply a loser, jerk, nitwit, or small slice of fecal matter. A true douchebag is a person or thing with some or all these qualities, plus a substantial amount hubris.
Without delay, here are the official top 10 douchebags of 2008, in no particular order:
1. Rod Blagojevich
When you look up the word "douchebag" in future editions of the Merriam-Webster dictionary, an illustration of the soon-to-be-former Governor of Illinois will most assuredly accompany the definition. We can only hope the term "I can parachute me there" will never be used again.
2. Larry Craig
The walking gift to comedy writers said he'd step down from the Senate after his bathroom escapade, then gave the finger to every American by deciding to stay in his job for the rest of the year.
3. Eliot Spitzer
Right. Leaving the door open ajar while you're banging a prostitute means everything's okay and your wife won't mind.
4. Sean Hannity
A few days after Barack Obama's victory, the Fox News attack dog wished the President-elect "success." Yet almost in the same breath, Hannity still managed to trot out the "Obama supports unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers" trope.
5. John McCain
Is it possible there's a person on this planet other than John McCain who's unaware of the number of homes he or she owns?
6. That Guy Who Claimed Obama Is a Foreign National
We should all be glad Leo Donofrio wasted taxpayer money to bring a case before the Supreme Court challenging Obama's U.S. nationality. We're hoping Leo isn't related to actor Vincent D'Onofrio.
7. The Economy
Okay, we get it. We won't ignore you anymore. We'll give you the attention you deserve. Now, can you stop lording over us, defiling our investments, and dominating every nanosecond of news coverage?
Just when we were laughing hysterically watching Hummers pull up to gas station, you had to spinelessly drop to the floor.
9. Rudy Giuliani
I'd like to retroactively add Rudy's name to the Top 10 Douchebags of 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007.
10. Joe the Plumber
Joe, aka Samuel J. Wurzelbacher, has a "book" coming out soon. Now we're not so broken up hearing about those layoffs in the publishing world.