Marriage is taking a hit lately.
The Pew Research Center recently reported that just 51 percent of U.S. adults are married, a record low, and that the number of new marriages declined 5 percent from 2009 to 2010.
But those people questioning whether the institution can still work for them may want to have a little faith -- or, even better, share faith with their partner.
Couples who pray together and share religious values are more likely to express affection and love, perform acts of kindness and be less critical of their partners, according to a study of 1,491 respondents ages 18 to 59 to the 2006 National Survey of Religion and Family Life.
Sanctification of marriage -- the belief of partners that God is at the center of their unions -- also was associated with kinder, gentler relationships, according to the study by University of Texas at San Antonio sociologists Christopher Ellison and Xiaohe Xu. Ellison and Xu reported the results at the recent National Council on Family Relations meeting in Orlando.
The bottom line: Faith matters in marriage.
"One of the findings that comes through loud and clear," Ellison said in an interview, is that couples who do in-home worship activities such as prayer and Bible study together are more likely to have loving unions.
Battling Demons
Not all religious beliefs and practices lead to happier marriages.
Those religious individuals who pull God on their side against their spouses are likely to experience more conflict, says psychology professor Annette Mahoney of Bowling Green State University.
And when marriages break up, people who strongly identify God as being at the core of their unions may experience "the dark side of sanctification," depressive symptoms and a deep sense of sacred loss when the relationship is unsuccessful, Mahoney said.
Recent research also indicates that other factors such as racial and economic inequality can create pressures on a marriage that even people with active faith lives may find difficult to overcome.
In a study presented at the recent joint meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Religion and the Religious Research Association, researchers Mark Killian and Steve Carlton-Ford of the University of Cincinnati found religious black adults reported lower marital satisfaction than religious whites. The lower rates of marital quality were despite the generally higher rates of religious practice among black partners.
"It would seem that structural inequalities, particularly the lack of cultural and economic resources, have a significant effect on the rates of satisfaction within the African American population," Killian reported on the study analyzing data from the Portraits of American Life Study.
Love Is Kind
In general, however, a great body of research indicates religion can play a positive role in healthy marriages.
In the last 30 years, slightly higher marital satisfaction has been found among partners who attend services frequently and share the same religious affiliation, according to Mahoney. She examined nearly 200 peer-reviewed studies on religion and family life from 1999 to 2009 in an article in the Journal of Marriage and Family.
Newer research shows that beliefs and actions such as praying privately for their partner, seeing marriage as part of a divine plan and engaging in religious activities together also are associated with happier, more loving unions, she said.
In addition, multiple studies show people who attend religious services frequently are less likely to perpetrate or be the victim of domestic violence, Mahoney said.
In their study, Ellison and Xu found that husbands and wives who prayed together and shared other religious activities in the home were significantly more likely to express affection, to perform small acts of kindness for one another, to compliment each other on the work they do around the home or as a parent and to refrain from criticism.
Sharing core spiritual values and believing God is at the center of their relationships also were predictive of kinder and more affectionate unions, the researchers found.
The findings make sense for several reasons, say researchers on religion and marriage. Ellison and Xu offer these considerations:
David Briggs writes the Ahead of the Trend column for the Association of Religion Data Archives.
Follow David Briggs on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ReligionData
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Misogyny is one of the hallmarks to almost all religions. All judeo-christian religions have serious control issues.
I know not everyone is Christian or thinks that is important in their lives and/or marriages, but for those who do think it's important I'm sharing this:
http://www.angelfire.com/tx2/christianpoetry/marriage3.html
And for any Christians who have not found their mate yet, but hope to some day:
A woman should be so lost in the Lord that a man has to seek Him to find her.
Six years ago my husband had to have a heart valve replaced. It was due to the Agent Orange he was exposed to in Vietnam. As a result, he was forced to stop work and go on VA Disability. We have been through more than most marriages. And we're still together. It had nothing to do with praying together, He's mostly Methodist and I'm Buddhist. Our different religions have not been a central focus. We don't believe that "God" sanctified our marriage nor does it contribute to making us more affectionate. I think the boys wish we would be LESS affectionate sometimes. We still hold hands walking down the street and still kiss each other every morning. And saying thank you for the other's doing something is not because of religion. Nor is a loving, kind household. Those come from loving each other and common courtesy. Religion is not the determining factor in whether a marriage will work or not. Love is.
CONT.
ICB. Being kind and affectionate to someone does not happen JUST because you are religious. It happens because you love, respect and care about that person. Religious or not.
From the Barna Research Group: Divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than for other faith groups, and much higher than Atheists and Agnostics experience. Given the Barna Group is a Christian organisation its hard to argue against that statement, as it goes against everything they probably want to believe.
http://artsci.wustl.edu/~pboyer/PBoyerHomeSite/articles/BoyerLienardBBS.pdf
Signed Happily Married Atheist
to be between the sex's. You are not male and or you are not female. We as souls live many lifetimes
as both male and female, gay are no different ... it is just that they are "between" and there is nothing wrong or bad about being "between". It is just the way it is in the personal journey of a soul. Despite
what convention religion believes or wants to believe. We totally live in a self created reality that we "form" before we are born as for what we "desire" to experience as souls. We are born when we
desire to reincarnate and we die when we feel our time is up or we have accomplished what we are here to accomplish. Since we live in a self created reality we can change the date of our impending death by simple moving our time line into the future. It is a simple as that. Thanks, Bill
Going through a divorce now--I'm going to make sure that, prior to my NEXT marriage, I create a good solid religion for us to practice together.