A&E to Replace <em>Duck Dynasty</em> With <em>Schmuck Dynasty</em>

Buckling under intense pressure from Gay and Lesbian rights groups nationwide, executives at A&E have reluctantly agreed to cancel Duck Dynasty -- the networks highest rated and most profitable show -- after the show's star, Phil Robertson, spewed forth a slew of anti-gay remarks in a recent GQ interview.

Recognizing they're throwing away over $80 million in revenue, executives quickly scrambled to find another show to take the Robertson family's place. That show is Schmuck Dynasty.

Whereas Duck Dynasty takes place in the deep south and follows the exploits of the inventors of the duck call, Schmuck Dynasty will be shot on location in Larchmont, N.Y. and will follow Rabbi Moshe Levinson and sons as they travel the country performing brises for high-profile clientele such as Rachel Zoe, Bruce Willis, and Kim Kardashian. Rabbi Levinson, a mohel, is the world's foremost expert on circumcision. His three sons, Solomon, Shlomo, and David are mohels-in-training.

The cameras are expected to catch all the usual touching moments of a baby boy's bris, while capturing the tension-filled "screw-ups" by Levinson's amateur sons, especially David who suffers from epilepsy, as they try, in vain, to be as precise with a scalpel as their legendary father.

Other hilarious scenes reportedly include a drunken brawl that erupts when an out-of-control Kate Winslet drinks an entire bottle of Manischewitz and attacks the Rabbi, whom she insists is "an evil Jew trying to mutilate my baby!" As well as a sober Kendra Wilkinson insisting the Rabbi circumcise her daughter.

Not wanting to make the same mistake twice, A&E has contractually forbid Rabbi Levinson from talking with GQ and will only allow him to do interviews in his native Hebrew.

Schmuck Dynasty will premiere next Wednesday night at 10p.m.