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Same-Sex Marriage Ban Could Impact Straight Couples As Well

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According to the Central Organization for Marriage Equality, or "C.O.M.E.," if right-wing conservatives are successful in their decade-long battle to ban same-sex marriages, a failure to clarify who, exactly, the latest version of the bill is specifically seeking to target could mean the new laws would affect straight couples as well.

"In their eagerness to submit the bill to Congress as soon as possible, the conservatives completely overlooked the double meaning the bill could imply," Says NYU Law professor, Chaim Notgey. "Under the bill's current language, it means heterosexual couples who've been together for decades, and who've been having 'the same sex' year-in-year-out since Jesus was a baby, would stand to lose the most from the bill's vague, murky language."

If passed, the ban on same-sex marriages could have devastating consequences on upwards of 86 percent of current legal unions, and up to 60 percent of Jewish newlyweds. This would mean straight couples, who've been filing joint tax returns for years -- even though they hardly speak to one another and only have sex on the first Tuesday of every month, which barely constitutes a marriage, anyway -- would now be forced to legally admit their boring love life and file separately.

Additional repercussions include; blaming each other, realizing the entire marriage is a sham, husband not really caring either way because the game is on, and having to move back in with her parents.

Still, some supporters of the bill like it just the way it is and argue it's better than the first draft which sought to ban "No-Sex Marriages."