What George Carlin Told Me About the Afterlife and What He'd Like on His Tombstone

Somewhere in heaven, George Carlin is probably watching Lou Dobbs right about now. At the end of the Playboy Interview I did with him a few years ago, he was full of thoughts about the meaning of life, his legacy and what was next -- if anything -- after this life was done, and that's when he started musing about cable news.

Carlin was a big thinker. While conducting the interview, I spent three days with him in Las Vegas, a city he loved and hated and where he was still doing stand-up a week before his death yesterday at age 71. At each session, some of which lasted five hours, Carlin held forth on every imaginable topic -- from the color of farts to the solutions to global warming (unrelated topics, incidentally). His mind was so expansive, he kept stacks of Post-it notes around his Vegas condo so he could write down random musings that might find their way into a routine or book or letter to his daughter. Then he would record those thoughts onto various iPods and later transfer the files to his computer. Even as he approached 70, his mind was so loaded with data it needed its own zip drive.

Although he was one of the most successful comedians of his generation and a bestselling author, Carlin didn't have an easy life. He struggled for years with drugs and then heart problems and his fortunes came and went. At one point he owed four million in back taxes. Another time, on a trip to Hawaii, his daughter, Brenda, then 11, made him sign a contract so he wouldn't snort cocaine for the rest of the vacation. But by the end, Carlin had found something that looked like peace -- sobriety, financial stability and love with Sally Wade, a woman he called "the sweetheart of my life." Even growing old was interesting for him. It gave him more material.

"The older you are, the more noises you make," he told me. "Standing up, sitting down, it's like you need a fuckin' lubricant. I agree with Bette Davis who said, "Getting old is not for sissies." But it's just aging, so I say, fuck it. There were handicaps to being 10, there were handicaps to being 40, but the richness of memory, the richness of acquired and accumulated experience and wisdom, I won't trade that. At 67, I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 67. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh, especially three."

At the end of days of interviews, I asked Carlin what he imagined heaven would look like, and he gave an answer that was appropriate considering his TV had been turned on the entire weekend to Headline News. To the end, Carlin loved being in touch with the big world around him.

"The best afterlife for me would be to be able to sit comfortably and watch the world on a kind of heavenly CNN," he said. "To be able to have my remote and say, 'Okay, there's an uprising in Spain. Let's watch that. Or to watch China finally take over the fucking world. Because there's a billion of those motherfuckers and they're going to eat our lunch. I would love to get the thousand-year view on the decline of the European birthrate or the "Muslimization" of Europe that's talking place; the explosion of Latin American culture in the western part of the United States.' Just sit back and watch. India and Pakistan, both, have nuclear weapons and they fuckin' hate each other. I'm telling you, somebody is going to fuck somebody's sister and an atom bomb is going to fly. And I say fine. You know? I just like the show. This world is a big theater in the round, as far as I'm concerned, and I'd just love watching it spin itself into oblivion. Tune in and watch the human adventure. It's a cursed, doomed species but it's just interesting as hell. That's what I want heaven to be. And if it's not like that, then fuck it. I'll just kill myself."

Since we were on the subject, I thought I'd ask what he'd like his tombstone to say. Carlin didn't miss a beat.

"I'm thinking something along the lines of, "Jeez, he was just here a minute ago."

Comments

[AdobePhsyko]

I'm 56 and George Carlin was THE comedian to My Generation.
Thanks George, You made us Laugh Our Asses Off
We Will Miss You

[Hollywoodaholic]

How about a link to the full interview?

[StillAmused]

"Jeez, he was just here a minute ago."

Kinda puts the whole tumultuous, melodramatic charade in perspective.

Thanks for doing it so well, and for so long, George.

We owe you, bigtime.

[Comanchero]

We can only hope that toward the end of his life George came to know Jesus Christ as his personal savior. At least that way we can surmise that the eternal bliss of being in the presense of his creator is also now his. The alternative is just to bleak to contemplate!

[onelovecandy]

Don't get me started.. even Dan Hochman knows better than to mention heaven in an article relating to George Carlin. He didn't need it when he was alive and he sure doesn't need it now.

Comanchero is that is your belief thats fine but don't wish it on anyone else.

[craigmart]

Oh, please. George did not believe in God or in having imaginary friends like your Jesus. He was smart enough to recognize religion as the joke it is and the harm it causes to the world.

[Comanchero]

If all you have is that feeble unsubstantiated hopelessness of existence you have stated lets pray that George did find more before his end at least!

[lakat]

I love you George Carlin!

I woke up this morning thinking this is the first day of my life without George Carlin in the world (at least our Earthly world).

George, make it nice up there for we the pissed off! We are right behind you!!

[jadez]

one of a kind.

he knew living was a big hoax.

but he sure made me laugh at it all.

[Sundialsvc4]

George Carlin was one of those people who thought ... big and deep and deep and honest ... "and if you dared to point that out, he'd fuckin' kill you." "And if you dared to blush at saying the word 'fuck,' he'd fuckin' kill you twice." And you knew exactly what he meant. It wasn't about the four-letter words; it was about not being afraid to say them... and, by extension, about not being -afraid- to say anything, as long as you actually had something to say.

George Carlin always had something very useful to say. Whether he littered his monologues with four letter words or did the show absolutely-clean (and I've heard him do it both ways), you found yourself seriously listening. You found yourself wondering what was wrong with YOU... "Why am I so stoppered-up that -I- can't say things that are so obvious, that plainly? Why did I have to buy this goddamned ticket to hear somebody else say what was on my mind the whole time?"

It may have been "on your mind," but George Carlin had a genuine gift for saying it. I hope that maybe a little bit of that sentiment will finally start to rub-off on us in these dark times. They're "dark" merely because none of us collectively seem to have the gall ... the spine ... the whatever-the-hell it-was that George HAD ... to look at reality square in the face and say, "Fuck, NO!"

[LexLuthier]

Awesome, sundial. Thanks.

[stevefromkelso]

My Favorite Carlin line...." If you eat right, exercise, and take very good care of yourself, you will get very sick and die. RIP George

[3rdCitizen]

"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh." -- Voltaire.

If so, he & George are really cracking each other up right now.

Thanks for everything, George Carlin.

[oldtree]

aaaaa.. gimme a recliner and a nice drink. should be quite a show.

[ButImNotSureAboutU]

You make it sound like George believed in an afterlife. If he was still around he would so whip out the seven words on you.....He knew there was no heaven and you should have written your piece that way, not some touchy-feely puppies and rainbows fluff BS.

[LexLuthier]

Okay, we know that energy can't be created or destroyed. Awareness is obviously some sort of energy. I don't know where it exists, but I know that the mindstream of George Carlin did not simply cease to exist. My wife and I loved this piece. Some people like touchy-feely puppies and rainbows. At the other extreme are people like you. Most of us live near the top of the bell curve of random distribution; I'm guessing we like both George's irreverence and the reverence of this tribute to him.

[CindyInIndy]

Speculating on George Carlin's spirituality seems to be in really poor taste today -- just my thoughts. A hippy-dippy day to you there!

[bugsbonzai]

It's not speculation. It's what he said, explicitly, in his act, over and over again. Heaven was fairy tale. I saw him in concert earlier this year. He had an entire routine mocking people who say their dead loved ones are "watching over them from above." He didn't believe in a heaven, at least described in the way it's normally described, and to gloss over this, even in the form of an interview answer of a "what if there was one, what would you want it to be" type question. It besmirches everything Carlin stood for to do that. As far as his own death is concerned, Carlin would've told you to get over it, already.

[speakyourmind]

I love the the tombstone!!

I am so sad today! We have lost one of the greats. Truly a giant.

[nikto]

Geoerge, Nooo!!
Don't go!!!

Don't leave us alone here with these rightwing maniacs!!!!

Perhaps he now whispers on the wind.

Perhaps his smile is in the sunshine.

Perhaps his tears are in the rain.

But George, I've got a special request:
If you are anywhere in the lightning, could you please have it
strike Dick Cheney,
just once, for laughs, OK?

[DixieMelody]

Great post, Nikto.

[andvoodoo2]

Here's hoping Carlin gets his wishes for his afterlife. He was such a character.

[demfriend]

Amazing and sad he had still done stand up close tot he tiem he died. I always hoped he would be at a place late in life where he could just go around and expound on anything he wanted to but I guess that was what stand up was to him. His stage and place to expound on evey damn thing he wanted to for the rest of us. I got to see George one time in my life but he opened my mind as a person in rural america who never knew anyone who would stand up and actually say what he thought and cared less what you thought of him for saying it. Oh he wanted success and he got it at times but above all he waanted to speak his mind and he got that too. We should all be so talented and lucky to find the place where we enjoy being and being able to tell others what we think about it all! God Bless George and yell loudly once and awhile so we can still hear you from heaven.

[HamletsMill]

Nice post, demfriend. Thank you.