Mr. Cooney's hospital chart

Mr. Cooney's hospital chart
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I don't know how many humans are going to be around in 2050 to look back and rage at the idiots that got them into the mess they find themselves in. It isn't hard to imagine statues of Bjorn Lomberg, for example, and Michael Crichton, being ritually stoned each day, and cursed by the small crowd of survivors, eking out an existence on what was once Antarctica. There might also be a statue of Philip Cooney for stoning, but in this case people might just silently turn away in embarrassment and drop the stone.

You remember Philip don't you? Former chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality, he kept altering scientific reports on the coming global warming disaster to make it look as if there was no problem. Cause for stoning you might think? Well yes, but the human survivors remembered his sad later story.

Seems that in 2020 Philip was taken into hospital with a serious illness. But old habits die hard, and he found himself, almost against his will, altering his charts and test results. A blood pressure of 220 over 150 became 120 over 80 with two strokes of a pen. A temperature of 99.9 became 97.9. A life threatening infection of Golden Staph became a possible minor infection. Rapidly developing gangrene as a result of a serious injury to his left foot (he had shot himself in it) became a slightly swollen wound perhaps needing a bandage.

The doctors reading the charts were surprised at how sick he seemed to be for no reason, and even more surprised when he suddenly died, his most recent report having read 'this patient is now ready to go home, no reason for concern'. They hadn't realised that the 'now' had formerly been 'not' and the 'no' had been 'major'.

His few remaining friends at the funeral couldn't understand the compulsion he had shown. 'Who did he think he was fooling?' they asked each other. The answer became obvious when they saw the inscription on the stone 'See, I told you I wasn't sick'.

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