At Buddhist seminary near Vancouver in 1980, I requested a personal interview with my teacher, the late Tibetan meditation master, Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. I had been going through some hard times and was hoping for some direct, pithy advice.
We sat and talked for a while, and then he looked right at me and said, "When things are going well, don't relax, and when they're not, don't panic." That comment has stayed with me from then to now. It defines the quality of equanimity, a state in which we meet all varieties of experience with an open and unbiased mind.
Years later, when I saw Rinpoche several months before he passed away, he looked up from his bed and asked me, "How's life?" Again, I had been having difficult times and said, "Life has had its ups and downs."
He looked at me for a moment, paused, and said, "Which comes first?" Those were literally the last words we ever spoke. Those words stopped my mind -- it was just not what I was expecting to hear, and not what I really wanted to hear.
What Rinpoche was telling me, of course, was that we get so invested in our own roller coaster ride -- we are so attached to our ups and downs, to the drama, the theatricality of it all. He was alluding to the idea that we can actually experience the ups and downs of life without getting totally swept away by them.
Have you noticed that as life unfolds, it has a kind of matter-of-fact quality to it? Things simply are as they are; they happen as they happen. If our mother is sick and dying, she is sick and dying. In Buddhism, the as-it-is quality is called suchness -- tathata in Sanskrit -- as it is.
As human beings, we sometimes project heavily onto this suchness. It is simply part of our nature to dramatize our existence, but actually equanimity is part of our nature as well. It has to do with developing balance and stability as things change. It has to do with relaxing with change, accepting and moving with it.
Many traditions generally encourage us to contemplate impermanence and change at the beginning of a new year. It is a good time to let go of old "stuff" (literally and figuratively) that we no longer need, and open to new opportunities and experiences -- hence the infamous New Year's resolutions.
Cultivating equanimity allows us to let go of our old stuff, open to new "stuff" and appreciate the space in which all our dramas come and go. Usually we don't appreciate this kind of space and only focus on the highs and lows -- sometimes it's literally all we notice.
So, if I may, here's a New Year's resolution to consider:
I intend to cultivate equanimity and balance in 2011 -- not to panic when things appear to be off track, and not to relax when everything seems to be going smoothly. I intend to cultivate awareness and presence and not focus too hard on the outcome -- paying more attention to the process and developing understanding and sympathy for myself and others.
Welcoming your thoughts, comments and resolutions. Cheerful 2011, everyone!
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Jay Michaelson: The Path to Buddhist Enlightenment: Sometimes Assertion, Sometimes Surrender
I enjoyed your article. It's always great to hear personal stories of people's encounters with the Dorje Dradul. Maybe you could clarify what you mean by relaxing. Relaxing, as I understand, is a really good thing to do. Does relax in this context mean to be unmindful or careless?
If I may, this story makes the chaos make sense and not seem so chaotic. Thanks for explaining the unexplainable.
love, a
Sending all best, David N.
have a good one
Nirvana is the name for fading into that falling in collapsing into equanimity and balance within;
Nirvana is more a process than a state
" the inner creates the outer " the Maharishi
the inner comes first.. infinitely many paths to the infinite the omnipresent
http://www.globalgoodnews.com/health-news-a.html?art=1293989195131549065
okay, heres another one
you are a leaf and you fall off a tree, and land in a river.
the river is calm, you relax and allow yourself to float, you do not fight it.
sometimes the river gets wild and hits rocks, and you get stuck in between the rocks and you still dont fight you just lay there and wait
and the river unsticks you and you just relax thru it all, rough water and calm, because the leaf cant control the river so it might as well just relax
Wahahaha!
http://anyshinything.com/2010/12/14/what-does-wisdom-mean-to-me/
You are most welcome..... Sending best wishes for 2011 to you..... Best, David N.
"In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitchhiker's Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopaedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.
First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words DON'T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover."
the year my son crossed over, I stopped even trying to please the drama of the holidays, or anything else. its okay to be a mess. sending you massive massive tons of love from a grandmother here. and i am still a mess. love you.