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David Nichtern

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The Ripple Effect of Common Courtesy

Posted: 04/26/11 10:00 AM ET

From the Buddhist point of view, there is always a relationship between cause and effect; this notion is expressed in various teachings about karma. As we interact with the world, we plant various seeds that will ripen and grow either right away, soon enough or some time in the future.

If we look at nature, small seeds can have big results; for example, the tiny acorn, given the right causes and conditions, can produce the mighty oak tree. In a similar way, in the world of human interaction, small seeds can sometimes come together to produce large-scale results.

This is why, if we want to create a good world for ourselves and others, attention to detail can sometimes trump having a huge vision. In that attention to detail, if we can lean toward courtesy and consideration for others, there is no doubt that we will begin to generate a more positive overall outcome.

If we manifest grasping, aggression and ignorance in the smallest details of our interaction with others, these energies gather power and strength like an avalanche. If we lace our smallest exchanges with awareness, courtesy, consideration and compassion, we can create a ripple effect with a different outcome.

Sometimes this kind of consideration and attention to detail while relating to others is called common courtesy. Respect and concern for the people around us, as well as using good common sense, are the hallmarks of common courtesy.

Each day in our lives is made up of tiny and discrete moments. Every relationship is made of specific and particular interactions. The whole point of developing mindfulness (as in Buddhist training) is to actually begin to pay attention to those discrete moments and interactions so that they don't all just blur together. I believe that mindfulness laced with consideration for others executed at the smallest scale can actually change the world. Usually we tell people to think bigger, but in this case maybe thinking smaller could be very powerful.

Practicing mindfulness and consideration for others often translates to expressing common courtesy and good manners. We might be surprised to find that everything we want to build up from there -- like compassion, decorum, elegance, well-being, peace, harmony --- has these small gestures as its basis.

That's my thought for the day. What's yours?

* * * * *

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From the Buddhist point of view, there is always a relationship between cause and effect; this notion is expressed in various teachings about karma. As we interact with the world, we plant various see...
From the Buddhist point of view, there is always a relationship between cause and effect; this notion is expressed in various teachings about karma. As we interact with the world, we plant various see...
 
 
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03:36 AM on 05/01/2011
Its about time a Buddhist gets a hand in Journalism here to talk about something that matters.
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Gregory Schwartz
11:47 PM on 04/30/2011
Common courtesy and respect for one another is just about nonexistant these days. We can blame television for a lot of it. In a futile attempt at "comedy" bad manners is passed off as "comedy" and there is a whole generation of young people who think this is the norm.

In my sixty years on this planet, I have come to the conclusion that everything runs in cycles. Music, fashion, slang words, just about everything runs in cycles. I am hoping that respect, courtesy, proper language, ettiquette, and modesty will come back into vogue and will replace what we are experiencing today. Just reading the comments in the blogs that follow a lot of the articles here at AOL is a perfect example of how people are behaving today. If somebody does not agree with me, instead of having a mature, adult debate, people resort to name-calling and profanity (and a lot of misspelled words). This is especially true during political discussions. When people don't have the facts, they attack the other person's nationality, the way they look or dress, their body size or color of their hair. If I don't like our president, I am labeled a "racist".

So, maybe five years from now, we will see less profanity, more respect and more modesty.
I hope so! - gregg in Sarasota, FL
02:11 PM on 05/22/2011
Gregory. What you have written is spot on. Here in the UK too the same lack of courtesy and respect exist. If you show concern or friendliness to wards someone it is often seen as a sign of weakness. I come across people all of the time who seem unable or unwilling to be anything other then to act hard, and rude.
06:52 PM on 05/27/2011
I agree with many of your observations. I wonder does the supposed anonymity on the net encourage bad behavior?

I also wonder if fears play into it. The world seems to be moving and changing so quickly and I think that makes people fear they don't have a place in the world and they don't know what to do to lessen their fears. So they turn their fears outward and attack those who disagree with them or are different from them.

Perhaps a perceived loss of belonging to the world at large causes them to wonder in the back of their minds "is it me? Can't be. I am obviously right and the entire world is wrong."

It is much easier to blame everybody else and everything else rather than do some soul searching to face your fears and realize that perhaps your actions and reactions may be pushing others away and thereby creating your reality where everybody and everything works against you.

I've never traveled internationally so I cannot speak to other countries but the dynamic of the so-called adults of my country reminds me of a passel of kids fighting in a playground.

This often seems to be the case from our "celebrities" to on air "personalities" to the politicians.

Perhaps especially the politicians regardless of party affiliation. Bullies all. Tearing others down just to make themselves feel better. Everybody loses.

My 4 year old granddaughter and her friends often seem downright mature in comparison.
11:03 PM on 04/30/2011
This is not just a "Buddhist point of view". It is a Hindu, Christian, Judaistic, agnostic, etc point of view...Be good to other people and be good to yourself. Unfortunately, many times we focus on the latter rather than former. Islam is excluded as the Koran teaches to revile those who are not faithful to Islam.
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rsargerod
On a Journey towards Wisdom!
10:36 PM on 04/30/2011
Common courtesy is not learned as an adult, if your upbringing never introduced you to it...In the orient common courtesy is part of every household. It starts by teaching your children manners ethical values...The best common courtesy is to always have a smile on your face - no matter how lousy your day is going...A smile spreads cheers and is contageous..Peace everyone.
08:28 PM on 04/30/2011
Look at me saying this. There is too much aggression in life, I've learned that I can't change the world, but I can change myself. So I look for the light, forget my own ego; Rule # 1, "A rude person deserves no answer." I have seen people cut there own throats with there own tongues.
01:01 AM on 04/29/2011
I am a new student to Buddhism. I am still learning on my own. I've had this same view about common courtesy and the overall outcome of it but I've never thought about it in full detail.Your article on this subject makes so much sense to me. It gives me great hope to know I'm on the right path. Thank you.
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David Nichtern
05:49 PM on 04/30/2011
Great.... how are you going about your practice and studies? do you have a dharma center near you? Feel free to stay in touch via Facebook as you go along.... Best, David N.
08:17 PM on 05/01/2011
I'm reading "The Beginner's Guide to Walking The Buddha's Eightfold Path" by Jean Smith. Also, Tibetan The Book of the Dead and articles like yours. I don't have a dharma center yet. I'm still very new to this and haven't gotten to that point yet. I have never, and will never, been on Facebook. It's not for me, I refuse to be in the network! lol
But thank you anyways, I will follow you on the Huffington.
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fervent
In love with a liberal from Texas
06:20 PM on 04/27/2011
I hold the door for anyone close-by coming in or coming out. Such little effort, but somehow fulfilling.
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David Nichtern
05:50 PM on 04/30/2011
Yes.... such a small gesture, but it really creates a positive feeling for most people.... Best, DN
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lowery2008
01:55 PM on 04/27/2011
Not enough people have common sense to have common curtsy.
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David Nichtern
05:51 PM on 04/30/2011
We're all working on it.... seems to be one of those things where it's best to lead by example.... good luck! DN
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MANGO K
To walk an ancient road, forever treading...
01:51 PM on 04/27/2011
May all that have life be delivered from suffering. - Buddha

See yourself in Others - Buddha

"Be the change you want to see in the world." There are many problems in the world we can't change, but with every meal, we have the power to create lasting positive change. ~ Mahatma Gandhi

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~ Mahatma Ghandi.

In Shaolin Temple we have a saying; All living creatures are one with the Tao(Dao). Life sustains life, and all living creatures need nourishment, yet with wisdom the body learns to sustain in ways that all may live.

To extinguish life, is to extinguish light. In our Temple we light candles, and our Temples become brighter. We increase the light. If you extinguish light/life, your Temples become darker.

The time will come when men such as I will look upon the murder of animals as they now look upon the murder of men. - Leonardo Da Vinci
01:23 PM on 04/27/2011
I have seen attempts of mine to be upbeat and positive, etc., early in a day, get transferred from person to person in the community and finally make their way back to me by the end of the day. I learned this lesson from someone else and it works. Be courteous, supportive, smiling and kind and you can see it ripple around to help our collective spirit.
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MANGO K
To walk an ancient road, forever treading...
09:41 AM on 04/27/2011
"As a Buddhist, we practice so as to benefit self and others hence we do the six-syllable mantra practice. However, when we eat meat be it chicken, pork, fish or eggs in our daily lives, we are creating immense negative karma. If on the one hand, we chant the mantra and on the other hand, we eat the meat of mother sentient beings, then our words and actions do not tally with one another. We are not doing as we preach. Can this be considered as loving kindness and compassion towards sentient beings" Is this doing good and abstaining from evil" We take refuge in the Buddha because his teachings could benefit all sentient beings.

As a Buddhist, we should understand the essence of the Buddha's wisdom and teachings, which is to do good and abstain from committing evil deeds. Abstaining from evil means that we have to keep our precepts. Hence we should not take meat. When we are sick, old or near death, we would go to the doctor, we would practice and do anything possible to extend our lifespan. However, when we take meat, we are killing sentient beings that are healthy. How great is our compassion and loving kindness if we treat sentient beings in such a manner? We should abstain from killing because it generates immense negative karma. Instead, we should develop loving kindness and compassion towards all sentient beings.
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MANGO K
To walk an ancient road, forever treading...
09:41 AM on 04/27/2011
"In countless rebirth, all sentient beings have been our parents. When we took rebirth in the human realm, we had human parents; when we took rebirth in the animal realm, we had animal parents and so forth. Samsara is such. We need to generate a sense of gratitude towards our parents in this lifetime and those of our past lives. Hence, we should be vegetarians and abstain from taking meat. In such a way, we would do good and give meaning to our practice.

By doing so, our practice of the six-syllable mantra would be able to benefit ourselves and others, and also aid in the flourishing of the Dharma. There are some people who say that their doctor has advised them against becoming vegetarians, as they would suffer from malnutrition. This is a sign that the determination of these people is not strong enough. For if one has strong determination, one would avoid doing evil deeds at all cost and under any circumstances. Hence in our daily lives, we should stop committing the negative deed of eating meat.
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MANGO K
To walk an ancient road, forever treading...
09:41 AM on 04/27/2011
On this basis, the merits generated from our refuge and practice of the six-syllable mantra would be inconceivable. We should try to change our lifestyle towards vegetarianism. We would certainly face difficulties in becoming full vegetarians. However, when such obstacles arise, we should remember how every sentient being had at one point or another been our parents. When we remember this, then we would not take meat just as we would not eat the meat of our parents of this lifetime."

~ His Eminence Druwang Konchok Norbu Rinpoche
100 Million Six-Syllable Mantra Retreat
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MJinCanada
Safe from zombies until my 2nd cup of coffee
02:52 AM on 04/27/2011
It sounds like a sensible philosophy to me.
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gemsviathailand
Namaste - Have a nice day!
01:26 AM on 04/27/2011
The ancient or ageless saying in this neighborhood is (and I attempt phonetics)

Tahm dee di dee – Do good get good
Tahm shooah di sooah – Do evil get evil

The most common courtesy is a heart felt smile. For the folks that are looking the other way, or have their heads in the sand, a genuine and sincere laugh from within life will often get their attention.

Anonymity - The quality or state of being unknown or unacknowledged.

Be a person who does good for nothing; instead of a good for nothing person.

Namaste