How to Be Dumb

Hello, would you like to be dumb? Great! It only takes two steps.

Step #1: Read this explanation for the disastrous occupation of Iraq, courtesy of The New York Times' John Burns:

"To a great extent, the American story in Iraq has been one of a profound clash of cultures - of invaders who came with a belief that they could transplant the virtues of democratic bargaining and a civil society that secures the vital interests of all, only to be confounded by what Iraqis themselves often describe as the culture of Ali Baba, the mythical villain of Baghdad. In that culture, maneuver and guile, secrets and untruths, terror and treachery are, too often, the coin of the realm for deciding who gets wealth and power."

OK, you're almost done/dumb! There's one more step...

Step #2: Believe this explanation.

CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW DUMB. Feel free to stick your finger up your nose and play the harmonica while crying at Burger King commercials.

(You know what stinks about Iraq's culture, as opposed to, say, every other culture on Earth? I'll tell you: "Maneuver and guile" play a role in deciding "who gets wealth and power." Isn't that SO CRAZY AND BIZARRE??? What kind of kooky culture do they have over there in Iraq, right? I mean, seriously! In American culture, deciding who gets wealth and power is determined by who is the nicest! Duh! That's why Dick Cheney is so polite and so honest.)