Who Is This "Dick Cheeny" Guy and Why Should I Care What He Thinks?

I'm using my channel-flicker to flick through the channels today, and I see this 100-year-old grouchy guy named "Dick Cheeny" giving a speech at the "American Enzyme Institute" (?), and it looks like his mouth is about to slide off the side of his face and expose his skull, so I stop and watch.

Lo and behold, the guy isn't speaking about enzymes at all. As far as I can tell, he's talking about torturing people -- namely, that President Obama, who is president, which means he is in charge, which means he decides American foreign policy, which means everyone else can shut up, isn't doing enough of it.

My initial thought was, "Who is this Dick Cheeny guy and why should I give a flying purple goddamn what he thinks?" Do people believe he's important? Because he sounds like someone who lives on the subway and wears origami sailor hats made out of Soldier of Fortune magazines.

As far as I could tell, his speech was actually some weird kind of mouth-yoga where you keep returning to "9/11" position every thirty seconds:

For me, one of the defining experiences was the morning of 9/11 itself. As you might recall, I was in my office in that first hour, when radar caught sight of an airliner heading toward the White House at 500 miles an hour.

Actually, no, Mr. Face-sliding-off, I don't recall that on 9/11 you were in your office (at the RadioShack where you work?). You could have been bussing tables at Applebee's, or stuffing envelopes from home, or drinking a protein shake made of your own bile. How would I know? I have no idea who you are. Why are you on my television?

But then Cheeny started talking about how "rounding up random Afghan teenagers and torturing them in Cuba's armpit has saved trillions of American lives," and "if we let a bunch of scraggledy-bearded douchebags into the American penal system, somehow they'll hypnotize the guards and convert the wardens and build a mustard-gas-Islam-fart-bomb," or whatever, and I started thinking, "Wait a minute, this guy looks familiar."

Then he started in about "dark days" and "gathering threats" and "nefarious enemies" and "the desert-people are scheming" and "even a piece of cheese can be a mighty weapon" and then I remembered:

This is the guy everyone in America deemed a total asshole and decided to ignore about five years ago.

THE END.

(All quotes from memory)

Comments

[alwqb]

I miss "get your war on" in Rolling Stone. Biting commentary with a laugh.

Dick Cheney is a liar and will say anything to keep his behind out of jail. Apollo man, you can justify your boy Cheney as much as you like, we are all laughing at your stupidity. The thought that you really believe this guy is truly amazing considering his criminal behavior.

The right attacked Bill Clinton and demonized him for a little indiscretion. The country had to listen to this day in and day out. It was relentless, remember? But we are supposed to leave Dick and Co. alone complete with war crimes. I don't think so.

[ApolloSpeaks]

FEAR OF DICK CHENEY AND ITS MEANING

The ballistic reaction of the radical Left and liberal media to Cheney's impressive speech challenging Obama's national security policies shows how terribly insecure and mentally bankrupt they are and what little real confidence they have in him and his policies. It shows that deep down inside behind the praise, adulation and celebrity worship, behind the hyped up hopes and thirst for change they fear collapse and impending doom; they fear that something catastrophically bad is going to happen to rock their world and shatter their dreams with the president and his creed going down in flames. It's not so much Dick Cheney they fear; what in truth they unconsciously fear are the consequences of their make believe.

Postscript

Shortly after the Great Obama-Cheney Duel Lawrence Wilkinson-a former Powell advisor-said in an interview with Keith Oberman that Cheney, his disciple Rush Limbaugh and his admirers constitute a kind of satanic religious sect: “A church of darkness and insanity” he said to Oberman. When the war of fear and smear on Dick Cheney reaches this level of hysteria and lunacy in what is supposed to be a new golden age of sweetness and light you can be sure that the real fear of the Left is over Obama and growing loss of confidence in his economic and wartime leadership.

[TheGoodShepherd]

Cheney's speech came off more presidential, fact-based and truthful that Obama's speech of the same day. Facts trump wishful thinking and politispeak any day.

[salvesons]

You are insane. What facts? Cheney would have to agree to be investigated before the facts could come out, and he refuses.

Your republican hero Regan had this to say about torture when he passed laws against it no matter the threat and the knee-jerk trembling of the right before their enemies:

http://www.salon.com/opinion/greenwald/2009/05/01/shifts/index.html

Here are the facts from experts explaining the torturne fallacy:
http://scienceblogs.com/dispatches/2009/05/soufans_testimony.php?utm_source=sbhomepage&utm_medium=link&utm_content=channellink

More on the fallacy of torture from an expert:
http://afp.google.com/article/ALeqM5gu_bjpCES63yPs8Lhqo0tvmLYwhA

Why do republicans want to be seen as so bloodthirsty?

Are you an expert or are you just talking out your ass? I think its the latter.

Stop carrying water for a failed idealogue who's set this country back thirty years.
(the good news is, Dems are here to clean up the mess, like always, when the american public comes to its senses...)

[lsucwells]

My sentiments exactly.

[dare i hope]

Bravo!!!

[amiri1]

All of Cheney's recent media appearance, speeches will be marked as a footnote at the bottom of pages in history books that will be forced to tell the truth on the lives lost as a result of the Iraqi invasion. I wish he would leave the stage. He is a national embarressment.

[wanttruth]

Good post. I agree.

[maxgen1]

"I see this 100-year-old grouchy guy named "Dick Cheeny" "

Are you trying to insult Cheeny by equating him to an old man? Or insult us old timers by equating us to a torturing liar? Or both?

Watch your streotypes!

[Dree3]

Every time he speaks I smile, stick a finger in each ear and happily repeat: "la, la, la,la,la,l­a,la,la,la­,la,la,...­......" The sun continues to shine in my world now that he is out of office! He deserves whatever God gives, all the talkin' in the world isn't going to change the fact that he is really an evil man.

[goddess1871]

In the words of a very wise female radio host: Why isn't he paying for his life with cigarettes in prison?

[angeldog]

I still keep waiting for someone to tell us exactly what attacks were thwarted by Bush & Co. What did they actually DO that made us safer? It seems to me that the only reason we haven't been attacked is that whoever wants to attack us either doesn't have the means or is just plain waiting for the "right time." I can't imagine the Bush Administration thwarting anything without there having been LOTS and LOTS of publicity about it. I don't remember hearing anything, do you?

[larry278]

If you pay Cheney & daughter enough -they will think as you do.

[zull2]

I don't think Cheney realizes that he's helping the Obama Administration immensely. He's giving the progressive media their favorite target back, while reminding them exactly HOW different the Obama Administration really is compared to the Bush Administration. If Cheney keeps it up, the 2010 elections should go much more smoothly for the Democratic Party, and the 2012 elections will be nailed down well in advance for Obama.

Without him, all the progressive media can do is be split between defending the Obama Administration, or criticizing it for not doing things "fast enough"...even though the real problem is that our government is such a dangerous, tangled up brier patch that no one, not a single person out there, could fix it without blowing it all up, going through another revolutionary war, and starting all over again. By continuously appearing to be either zealots and apologists, or on the other hand, tearing him apart, that's the easiest way to disillusion the electorate and give the Limbaugh Party wins back power. If all those people who turned out for the first time in the last election stay home again, the numbers change dramatically all over the country.

[oldbutkickin]

We all need to run for political office. How many jobs can you lie, cheat, steal, excellent health care, a decent raise, have a few months off for vacation and stay out of jail. Make enough money to pay your high dollar lawyer who lies/coversup if you screw up who hires a PR firm to back you up and the taxpayer pays for it all .

[nomorebombs]

spot on...well said

[stalingrd]

Problem is that to run for office you gotta beg for the money from the donors. Your hands are dirty from the beginning, and then your in the fraternity. Can't rat out others when your guilty of the same crime yourself.

[KipRip]

In answer to the article's question:

http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Dick_Cheney

[booboo111]

Say what you will about the Dick, Cheney, but he kept us safe! ( except for that tiny "blip" on 9/11)