"I don't know if Obama is dumb, he's a Muslim or he's a Muslim sympathizer, and I don't think he's dumb." - Chachi Arcola, cousin of the Fonz and Joanie admirer, who will be a featured speaker at the RNC
I don't think anyone who is covering the Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Convention Circus will be covering anything.
I think everyone, including me, will be uncovering it.
If we turned this packed-like-sardines clown car into a national drinking game and we had to take a shot every time someone lies, we would all be in a drunken stupor for at least fifteen years.
"Taxes are DONE...That should feed, house & provide medical for a few lazy non-working people at my expense." - Chachi Arcola
I hate picking on Scott Baio because I have worked with him albeit briefly many years ago when I wrote my first-ever produced TV episode for Charles in Charge and he was a delightful kid who I thought was raised rather nicely by Garry Marshall.
But poor Scott is being used here. He is being seduced by the Confederacy of Dunces in order to be a part of the Washington, D.C. show.
That's D.C. as in damage control.
Trump is here because he's been a New York-based oversized, people-stomping Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.
Interestingly enough, I believe after hours Donald likes to wear that very same nautical-themed chapeau while making toot-toot noises as he plays with is built-to-scale yacht boats in his many bubbled really, really, really, believe me, tub.
It's hard for me to poke fun at him because I feel like I'm helping turn him into a kind of lovable national pastime buffoon whose nutty antics are part and parcel of the reality show that we are hopelessly addicted to.
We all know who his core followers are.
They're the ones who believe that Hillary is as crooked as a San Francisco street, military-grade children-killing machine guns should be harvested at home, and that anyone who is even a shade darker than them is proof positive that they should be blamed for everything that has been denied to them (which matches perfectly the behavior of a tantrum-throwing two-year-old).
I know that I am wasting my time trying to show the hostile lynch mob that that Trump is giving them license to turn anyone they want into strange fruit.
Is there any wonder that there is a color war on the streets between black and blue now? Tonight you will hear it's all "Obama's fault."
Wow.
So in the end, what am I encouraging here?
Years ago, when I was writing on Mad About You, we had Mel Brooks on the show and script reading, he suddenly pulled out a comb, stuck it under his nose and started to read his part like Hitler.
I later asked him why he does that and he said, "To always to remind people and to always turn him into a joke."
Since I'm more Mel Brooks than Donald Trump: I sit with comb in hand, ready to mock by interpreting my reality though the lens of absurdity in order to separate the truth from the perversion and to remind me that in many places in this world decency, kindness, fairness, rules.
Personally, despite polls, I believe that since most of America is not like his parade of undereducated toothless lemmings who love their reality stars almost as much as they love their cheap weed and misspelled tattoos (and whose previous infant king loves to wiggle dance to the Battle Hymn of the Republic like the baby of Allie McBeal fame during a solemn memorial service) and I know this: the interpreters for sanity: Bill Maher, Samantha Bee, Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, Larry Wilmore, Trevor Noah and all the other talk show hosts will find entertaining ways to show us in complete detail the MRI results which will reveal clearly the malignancy that is eating away at our national character and reducing us to a reactionary mob of hate monger and open carrying murderers.
The convention is four days of A Night of One Star as all the major celebrities of the GOP will not be attending because lo and behold there is the glimmer of a conscience that is beginning to form within the All About Me ranks. Jeb Bush's mom will not make a playdate and Sarah Palin is in court watching her son defend the charges of not only pummeling a woman but threatening her life with a loaded weapon. Sarah claims that his behavior is a direct result of war-related PTSD. The problem is he was not only not diagnosed with that condition, but PS: he never saw action.
The road map plan of stopping and shaming our president from Day ONE of his presidency has led us to right to the Wizard, who we know hid behind curtains like they were a rich boy's draft deferment.
Trump did not defeat his opponents with his dazzling oratory skills or his master plan for saving this country.
He won by giving a ventriloquist voice to the dummies of America, using their previously secret language that Fox News has been using for years.
Anyone who lives here in New York knows first-hand about his bankruptcies and refusal to pay hundreds of people who have done his bidding. His tactic: I'm rich: sue me. I'll keep it going until you can't afford to go on.
We KNOW the truth and we will all be APPALLED by what we hear over the next four nights.
The GOP has not only dug the definitive line of prejudice in the sand between WHITE and EVERYONE ELSE, they have lined it with cement and covered it in racist graffiti.
Welcome to Bloody America.
Enjoy the show.