Today we will discuss, like everyone else, alive or dead, the scandal that is basically Kerry Washington, D.C. You've all seen it. You've all heard it. Over and over again like instant replay. You've heard the half-ass, principal's office, boys will be boys, yeah but Bill said worse things "apology." Then you saw the midnight version that looked an ISIS video where the captive is being forces to read the prepared speech that he doesn't believe one word of.
This is the beauty of our social network world. Things just move so damn fast and in the process, everything is reduced to a NASCAR race of information dispensed. Life has become one big binge worthy series.
What was painfully obvious last night was that the GrOPe group was on fire and firemen were being rushed in to contain the blaze while the arsons of the Democratic party (my people) blissfully threw highly flammable liquids on it like your dad spraying his pre burger grill with lighter fluid.
NASCAR did not disappoint. In seconds Wisconsin became Plague Central and everyone began gunning their engines and racing for their political lives, immediately distancing themselves from their Mansurehedates Candidate.
But here is the one single element that has been missing from this scenario. Shock. I mean was anyone really surprised that any of this happened? Was it really news to anyone that Trump was a sexist pig? Every single picture of him looks like a mug shot of an accused, disgruntled predator whose pants remain at ankle level.
From day one, subtlety has not played a part in this doggie style and pony up show.
In an effort to ratchet up his brand, Donald Trump took a page right out of the Howard Stern playbook (Howard "ran" for Governor of NY years back) and began his campaign by saying the kind of brain rattling shit that no normal person in a civilized world would ever get away with in the pursuit of getting more cash flow for his Apprentice TV show. The whole idea was to be outrageous and then, well, pull out, Trump style
But just like the minions and lemmings who followed Howard in droves (which propelled him into the Sirius cloud stratosphere) the same group of America's finest, aka the Confederacy of Donces, found their new infant king. He be on TV. He be one of us. Hail Rosemary!
The only sound that Donald heard, other than the endless symphonic loop of his own orgasms, was KA-CHING!
It was lightning meets bottle and the man who really should have hosted The Biggest Loser was finally a winner. He was suddenly the Apparent Appresident.
Yeah, but here lies the crater-sized Shakespearean-like flaw in his character. It's an illness we've seen time and time again. George Bush had it. John McCain had it. And Trump has it. (Billy Bush is the one degree of separation here who was already in trouble for his Lochte-room talk).
They are all meek, ineffectual men who, in an effort to outdo their powerful fathers, overreach until they implode, making one colossal sized dunder-headed mistake after another. They think that their goal is power when it fact their real intent is to destroy themselves on a massive scale because deep down inside that's what they believe that they deserve. They are so single minded about it, that things like attention spans simply do not exist.
Trump is the poster boy for this breathtakingly pathetic condition. His inner rage STOMPS on things: real estate projects, people, women. Kong doesn't just scale buildings, he doesn't pay scale to his workers with the attendant attitude of let them despise me. It's how I secretly feel about myself.
This is why I call him Head, wig and the angry inch.
It was great fun a year ago when all the news networks signed on to air the 24/7 circus
But the more rope we gave Trump, the more grope we got. And who was his mortal political enemy? A substantial, not so hot looking, SMART, older woman: everything that he despises to his core. Mommy? Is that you?
To him she's maybe a 1 and since she literally does not bend over backwards to please him and his teeny box of Tic-Tacs, so of what possible use is she? Man, if men were treated like objects, how much work would Andrew Lloyd Webber get?
We just spent 8 years of overt/covert racism which was clearly evidenced by the way that the GOP blocked and tried to humiliate our first black President (who I both admire and adore). Remember "You lie?"
This is the way the GOP does business, folks. They are aggressively passive. They make sure nothing gets done but personal fund raising. And they blame liberals for every single disaster that they create and their illiterate, hungry masses gobble up the sound-bytes fed to them like alphabet soup on Fox and conservative radio. President Obama never once appeared on Fox.
That is what having standards means, folks.
President Obama (and not "Obama") was clearly professorial so suddenly things like facts, science and even civilized behavior became worthy of scorn, while what it really was, was code for the n-word.
And that is how Trump, the underdeveloped fetus of the GOP who should have been long ago aborted (so much for right to life) became the Alfred E. Newman of this particular Mad Magazine.
Tomorrow night's debate already feels like the return of the dentally challenged Mike Tyson, so get ready, because Trump is going to go full boar and tear into the sexual history of the Clintons because that is how little, pre-pubescent, undersized boys fight. It's "Oh yeah?" politics. I was bad? Well look what they did!
It is time, once and for all, to terminate this political catastrophe and return us from the world of pussy grabbing "stars" (along with his unctuous children Fredo, Connie and Skittles), give our country back to the smart, capable, evolved, empathetic and experienced grown up and once and for all banish the idiot to his sadly phallic tower.