There is a new epidemic coursing through the veins of our country that is every bit as insidious as the Zika virus.
It's called pathological lying. Lying used to be reserved for spouses and kids who stayed out past curfew.
But now it's anyone's game.
Years ago there was a man who spread AIDS all over the country from semen to shining semen and at the moment the equivalent of that guy is Donald Trump.
Everything that he says is bullshit. I mean here's a guy who was the target of the single biggest racial bias case in New York history (he refused to rent to African Americans for fear of being shot) who is literally calling the kettle black which is laughable because white is the only color scheme that he knows.
His interior designer, after all, is David Duke and the sheets ain't lavender kids.
And all the major news outlets are lapping it all up it up like cats at a dairy farm. News isn't even news anymore. It's CNN/TMZ. It's frantic bug eyed Butterfly McQueen screaming that she don't know nothin' bout birthin' babies in a production of Gone With The News. At this point its sole purpose is to get you hooked on anxiety and then force you to spend hours listening to absolutely nothing in the pursuit of sanity when all they are really doing is making you feel INSANE.
But here is where the fun ends because the truth, no matter how foreign or useless it may be to you, is that Alfred E. Trump has made bullshit both fashionable and dangerous.
Lying is the new black lives matters, right up there with full body tattoos, Kanye Westworld blather and men's skinny jeans with Lycra spandex. Today's men's look, by the way, is basically ventriloquist dummy sized jackets and pants that would not look unwelcome in Ann-Margret's closet in Bye, Bye Birdy.
But I digress.
Since Trump is the little engine that says and does whatever the fuck it wants, the Confederacy of Donces are picking up on his style and making it their own.
It's raining bullshit and everyone is singing and splashing in it while twirling their red, white and blue umbrellas.
It so happens that for a new show that I co-created, I just finished a script about lying. It's all about how lying affects the innocent and the bewildered. The truth of lying is at times it is a considerate tool when it is used to shelter and protect those that we love.
But that, on any level is not what is happening here in USAnything goes.
I recently relocated to LA from my beloved NY to become the TV sellout that I am. Picture Al Pacino in Godfather 3 complaining about just when he thought he was out of the business just like that he was dragged back in. We writers for the most part are whores in flat shoes.
Ever since I arrived in LA I have been lied to over and over again. My car rental company with whom I had made reservations with, announced at the airport that they only rent cars to people who will be flying back from that airport. I scowl slid to the next kiosk and was told that they had no idea when the deposit I had to put down would be returned. It was not up to them. That was not true. After making further inquiries, I got the money back today
Today I watched my Amazon mattress delivery arrow soar like an over eager eagle as it inched closer and closer to the coveted ARRIVED dot target, only to find out that it was not coming. And it was now 8PM. The reason? It evidently did not matter. So basically the arrow lied to me. I did pursue the matter, they were great and even extended my prime membership by a full month. Very menschy. But still. I had to call them and pursue the truth.
At the supermarket, I wanted to get a discount card...but the lazy register girl told me that they were out of them. Really? There was that much of a demand? Does everyone have a Ralph's card but me?
I was told that my internet was going to be "lightning fast," only to find out that it is ¼ the speed of what I had in NY. I went from 150mps to welcome back AOL and modem turtle speed.
The list goes on and on and on. And PS, in my line of work the only miracle that can be witnessed would be when someone actually tells the truth about all the big studio or network deals that they are making.
It seems like everyone everywhere has been infected with the bullshit flu. And no one gives a shit about the implications. I mean the truth of telling the truth is that it is so much damn work.
It seems like the prevailing attitude is when it comes to lying, if a minor game show celebrity can get away with it, then it must be glamourous and worth imitating. Plus surely the end of ISIS must be near because that is just the kind of tough talking behavior that we want in our Commander and...well...mischief.
The truth simply no longer matters to anymore. Neither do facts or science or education. The internet is full of lies. Fox News and Rush Limbaugh have cornered the market on say whatever you want bullshit without having to answer for it. Even Mr. Pudding, Bill Cosby is a fucking liar. Apparently there's always room for bullshit. And Jail-o.
God I miss George Carlin. Can you imagine what he would have had to say about Trump?.
The emblematic Kardashians were the by-products of one of the OJ Dream Team's "lawyers" who were the early masters of nationally televised truth mangling.
And look who got away with murder.
Well now Trump is.
Trump is the new OJ.
And he really, really loves each and every one of you.
Even "his African American."
Not