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12 Headlines We'd Read if Madonna Were an Older Man

03/30/2015 02:52 pm ET | Updated May 20, 2015

Madonna gets a lot of heat for behaving in a way many believe is inappropriate for a woman over 50. Men who are also "of a certain age" often behave in rebel fashion, but are usually lauded for their actions. Here, the headlines we'd read if Madonna practiced what many older men preach.

1: Harrison Ford, Private Plane Pilot. On March 5, the 72-year-old actor crashed his World War II-era plane. The story made headlines around the world, all honoring how well he managed to handle the accident and hoping for his speedy recovery.

Madonna's Headline
No longer High, Flying or Adored, Madonna Crashes on the Runway and the Charts

2: Paul Newman, Racecar Driving. An avid racecar fan, at 70 years of age, the late actor became the oldest driver in a winning Daytona team.

Madonna's Headline
B*** on Wheels: Desperate Madonna Still Thinks She's in the Race

3: Iggy Pop, Shirtless. The 67-year-old rock icon is still posing shirtless, to the admiration of fans all over the world.

Madonna's Headline
Icky Pop: GrandMadonna's Topless Photo Looks Like a Map of the Old Stars Homes

4: Tom Cruise, Fencing. In addition to doing his own movie stunts, the 52-year-old actor is a huge fencing fan.

Madonna's Headline
Right of Light Saber: Madonna Learns How to, Literally, Stab Her Friends in the Back

5: Russell Crowe, Knitting. The 50-year-old bad boy likes to knit in his spare time. Even gladiators need to get in touch with their feminine side.

Madonna's Headline
Unapologetic Stitch: Will Madonna Knit Baby Booties for Her Next Boyfriend?

6: Brad Pitt, Motorcycle Riding. Everyone's favorite Hollywood Dad, Pitt is a serious motorcycle enthusiast, even at 51 years of age.

Madonna's Headline
Motorcycle Mama's Message to Her Children: Biking Is Fine!

7: Sean Penn, Surfing. The 54-year-old actor and ex-husband of Madge stays in magnificent shape, in part by surfing.

Madonna's Headline
Drowned World: Madonna Desperately Tries to Stay Afloat

8: Johnny Depp, Owning and Island. The 51-year-old American actor resides in France and owns an island in the Bahamas.

Madonna's Headline
From British to Bahamian, Madonna's Un-American Ambitions

9: Sting, Tantric Sex. Everyone's favorite ex-teacher, Sting, 63, has been practicing Tantric sex for years.

Madonna's Headline
Chanteuse on the Loose: Madonna's Sexual Stretch Marks

10: George Clooney, Sports. The "Sexiest Man Alive," 53-year-old Clooney's an avid baseball, basketball, and football fanatic.

Madonna's Headline
No Longer in a League of Her Own, Madonna Strikes Out on the Playing Field, Dribbles in Public, and Chases After Tight Ends

11: Denzel Washington, Boxing. At 60, the two-time Academy Award winner still boxes to keep in shape.

Madonna's Headline
Former Musical Heavyweight Madonna Now Hits Below the Belt

12: Kevin Costner, Horseback Riding. The 60-year-old star is an established equestrian and does his own riding in films. Here's hoping he's always careful.

Madonna's Headline
Madonna owns... wait, she fell off her horse in 2005, leaving her with a broken hand, busted collarbone and three cracked ribs. One very popular New York Newspaper wrote it..."Madonna Falls Off Her High Horse."

... If Madonna did it, you'd read all about it.