When the hashtag #HeterosexualPride surfaced on the Twitter, I had to physically swivel my office chair just so that I could give my computer screen proper side eye. Hetero Pride isn't a new, ridiculous concept to me, but this year it felt less like a blemish on reasonable thought and more like a highly contagious rash of ignorance. Are the heterosexual-crowded sports games, Las Vegas pool parties, and trips to Walmart not enough? Isn't a "Heterosexual Pride Parade" pretty much just called a "parade"?
Just as I began to imagine a khaki-colored flag made of recycled cargo shorts and an embroidery of Pabst Blue Ribbon in the center, I wondered why the hell heteros even wanted to parade. They aren't suppressed -- or are they?
Suddenly, my mind flickered. What about the heterosexual-identifying men and women who don't fit into the societal expectation of heteronormativity? Simply, what about the stay-at-home dads, bodybuilder mothers, the families that believe men can look great in skirts and women can be ideal CEO's? Aren't they tired of society telling them how to behave and how to be heterosexual?
Maybe I know one or two people in each of those categories, but I can only believe there would be more in a world free of public backlash. How many heterosexual men would wear a dress if they weren't worried about getting jumped in a parking lot? How many women are craving to change the face of gender roles based on sexual preference? Couldn't a "rule-breaking" pride parade do just that?
All at once, I became supportive of a heterosexual pride event. Now I long for floats with dads pushing strollers, women with shaved heads, heterosexual men holding hands, female bodybuilders without makeup. I want to see that dad who loves to dress like Elsa from 'Frozen' with his son or daughter as Anna. I don't want it to be ironic or funny. I want it to be happy, real, and fun.
The truth is, LGBT people need pride. Globally, we are oppressed in every way imaginable, and this is the biggest way that we come together for support. But I also know heterosexuals who have been shamed and beaten for not being masculine or feminine enough. Their movement to deconstruct societal expectations of sexuality and gender will only aid the LGBT community in our stride for equality.
If we're breaking barriers, I'm down for a Hetero Pride, and I'm ready to line up for the parade. Expect to see me with a group of my friends supporting you on a mild April day (you can't have the summer because we own that for our pride celebrations -- dibs!). Remember, parades are meant to be inclusive so maybe invite some of your LGBT brethren to help you begin your journey to ending heteronormativity. My bet is that your pride parade will look a lot like ours. However, let it be known that as soon as someone suggests a float dedicated to socks and sandals, I'm jumping ship and tearing the whole thing down.