11/26/2013 07:47 pm ET Updated Jan 25, 2014

Nailed Through the Holidays


After enduring twenty-five plus years of a once thriving relationship, that eventually brought out the worst in me, I find myself sitting quietly, introspectively reflecting on my life from the inside, rather than compulsively reacting to the outside, caustic stimulus, I once defined as us.

Rejection after rejection, I've come to realize, four years now removed, manifested itself in many pointed shapes and forms, all, none more poignant than the nail, that ensured our eventual demise. At a time when we should have been celebrated the fruits of our labors, we have now divided the spoils. Left in our wake is the carnage, the result of broken dreams, broken hearts and broken lives.

Repeatedly, hearing the words no, not now, get over it, hammered home the message, "You're wants, you're needs are not important in the grand scheme of things," conveying to me, my unworthiness. Hurtful words, no one in a " committed and loving relationship" should ever be forced to endure. But, I am worthy, I am of value.

My adage, "If I'm OK, you're OK, if you're OK, I'm OK," was not based on selfishness, but on wholeness. For when, we're OK, so is everything else, be it the kids, our careers and our lives. Damn You. Yes, I had needs, yes, I had wants, yes, I had desires and they all revolved around you, at least until they didn't.

There is no magic formula that says what percentage you have to give and take to make a relationship work. If anyone tells you otherwise, don't believe it. Relationships succeed when two people love each other just enough to put each other first. If I want you, you're there. If you need me, I'm there. Together, we are there for each other, together.

Sadly, through the slow and painful death of us, one rejection coated nail at a time, we've lost in varying degrees, the three most important things in our lives that kept us together as long as we were, our sons. Family must survive, regardless. It's our obligation to see that it does, period. The nails that separated us, must never be used against them.

Pedestal perching only lasts for so long, before kids figure out their parents aren't perfect. Some manage to descend from the clouds with minimal expectations, because they realize their own imperfections while others crash and burn on impact, unable to deal with the demise, because they aren't able to deal with their own shortcomings.

This holiday season is fast upon us. Now, more than ever, it's time families put aside their differences, their failures, their defeats and come together to celebrate and be thankful for what's far and above the most important thing in our lives, family. Rejection may have destroyed us, one nail at a time, but please let's not let it continue to destroy that which we have been blessed to create and be a part of, family.

Please visit our website, and read a preview from our forthcoming novel: "Ride To Redemption." I'd be honored and blessed to hear from you.