Having a child instantly changes your perspective on the world. A child changes the way you see yourself. Tonight, when I left my kid to go do yoga, she hugged me four times before she let me leave. She kept running after me and giving me another goodbye.
All we did today was have fun. She told me about her friends, I watched her at dance class. We had no expectations for the day. Just me and my kid. I was seeing her and she was seeing me. And isn't that what love is all about?
We all just want to be seen. In adult love, not only do we want to be seen, we want to be heard, too. The highest goal in any relationship is to have an intimate understanding of one another. This is where are expectations come from. Those expectations will get you in trouble. We can't expect a person to live by our expectations.
So how do we avoid complicating relationships?
1. Embrace Your Inner Child
A child has basic expectations of you. They expect you to feed them, clothe them, and give them gifts on their birthday. Aside from that, they understand that you're the parent they've been given. They can't trade up.
Start viewing your romantic relationships like a child. What if the man you were with were the last one on Earth? How would you view your relationship? Wouldn't you try to make things work?
It would be difficult, but anything worth having takes work. You could trade up for a new partner. If this man isn't the one, you should break up. But before you get to that point always stop and embrace your inner child. They may have a way of removing the complication.
2. Ask the Right Question
Our adult relationships aren't as secure as a parent child relationship. When we don't feel heard or if our partner doesn't understand why we feel a certain way, we begin to wonder if this is the right relationship. Did I choose the right man?
If he can't understand why this upsets me, does he understand me at all?
This far into our relationship he should know me better. Does he love me?
The question you should be asking yourself is, "Am I allowing myself to be seen?"
When you're dating and you start falling in love with him, are you showing him every part of you?
Are you telling him about your sorted past?
Are you letting him know when he annoys you? How about when he makes you feel good?
Are you allowing yourself to be seen?
3. Allow Yourself To Be Seen
It's easy to complicate love. In your search for the right person you get cautious. You always want to put your best foot forward and save your flaws until the person has fallen for you. It's natural, but it's also going to set you back.
The right person is going to love you for your flaws not in spite of them. By holding off the aspects that make you unique you're hiding your true self. We allow our friends to see us, but only over time. We reveal ourselves slowly to avoid being hurt. Imagine a world where we felt free to express our true selves. A world where we let go, and see everybody for who they are.
Wouldn't that be beautiful, to be able to see one another like that?
Your new goal is to be seen. Have no expectations for love. As a matter of fact, don't even look for love.
Don't walk around thinking about love. Just be yourself. Allow people to see who you truly are. Let them see who you are in this moment. Let them see who you are as a woman. Let them see who you are as a mother. Let them see who you are as a businesswoman.
Who ever you are let that shine through. When you show the world your true self the world will reveal you true equal. You can rely on this because you'll have no expectations. Things will just happen in their own time.