I got a great email the other day from a woman who was writing just to brag about how amazing she is. Actually, she said she was writing to ask me why she can't ever get past the first date with a man. Her email, however, was entirely about how great she is.
In the email, she told me that she's successful. She's sexy. She can run her own business. She can run her own department.
Don't get me wrong; I'm thrilled that this woman feels so confident about herself. The problem with a lot of women who are like this, is that they take their business side with them on a date. They are interrogators on a date. They don't flirt. They sit there, and basically conduct a date like a business interview. They ask the guy questions and put him on the spot.
Here are five reason why you're not getting past the first date:
1. You're conducting your date like a business interview.
When a woman is not very flirtatious, the guy will leave that date feeling like he's just been on a job interview. He will be wondering why this woman interrogated him for two hours. He will be wondering why she asked him on the first date whether or not he wants to have kids and how many kids he wants to have.
I have seen women do this over and over again. They think that they are weeding out the wrong guys by asking all these questions on a first date. In reality, though, they are conducting a business interview. A date is not a business interview. A date is a way for you to get flirtatious and have fun.
The answers to the questions you're firing at the guy you will find out ,anyway. Within the first month, you are going to find out about all this stuff you seem so anxious to know on date number one. You don't need to drill someone about themselves on the first date.
2. You compete with the guy.
So many women who compete with men in the business world take that same personality and compete with men on dates. I know that when I was single, I never cared if a woman made more money than I did as long as she didn't act like an interrogator on our date.
As a man I don't need to be the breadwinner. I just want to feel wanted and desired -- sexually and emotionally. The problem is that a lot of these women don't allow a man to feel that on a date.
3. You don't flirt.
You need to flirt on a date. Period. What do I mean by flirting? You need to look into a guy's eyes, smile, compliment him and laugh at what he says. When you don't do these things, you're just in business mode. This is what so many do. They stay in business mode instead of being in flirtatious, fun mode.
4. Not touching.
Another thing that a lot of women fail to do on a first date is touch. No, I don't mean grope a guy or touch him in any kind of overtly sexual way. Not touching a guy at all if you are into him, though, is a mistake. Touch his hands or his shoulder as you walk. If you don't touch a guy at all, then you're not showing any form of sexual communication. Touching a guy in this way is just a nice, subtle way to show the guy that you're interested.
5. You're not dropping any hints.
You'd like to get together again? You need to drop some hints. Men love little hints. Say you're talking over dinner and he mentions his favorite band (which happens to be a favorite band of yours as well). Instead of just saying that you love that band's music, say something like "I think they're coming here in concert soon." By saying that, the guy will be likely to say something like, "If they're playing here soon, then you and I are going." It's a little bit like fishing. If you drop the bait, the man will take it. You have to drop the hint so the man asks you out again.
If this sounds like you -- if you're a successful woman who goes out on a lot of first dates and almost no second dates -- then you need to really rethink the way you are conducting yourself. You're getting dates and that's half the battle. The other half is knowing how you conduct yourself on those dates. That might be the real battle for you.