THE BLOG

Dear L.A - It's Over!

06/03/2015 09:58 am ET | Updated Jun 03, 2016

Dear Los Angeles,

I no longer find you as beautiful as I once did.

Your urban sprawl is starting to get to me. Your lack of traffic management is getting on my nerves. The price of gas in Los Angeles is really starting to irritate me. Why do I need to spend $1.40 more a gallon than the rest of the country?

Is that the 'sunshine tax?' Is that the tax to swim in oceans that are not swimmable? Is that the tax to sit in traffic? Why does dear California get away with it when the rest of this country is much cheaper?

Los Angeles, I loved you, I really did.

I found you to be a charming city, with all your healing energy and your wonderful, evolved people.

Now I find you to be an absolute repulsive urban sprawl. As I'm dictating this, I'm driving down La Cienega Boulevard at 1:42 on a Tuesday afternoon. I'm about to cross an intersection, and all I see is a lineup of traffic that looks like it's never going to move.

Traffic that is just insurmountable, I don't even know why I'm even here anymore. Los Angeles, you're not the warm inviting presence you once were!

It's not affordable to live here anymore. People need to move to neighborhoods they would never live in, yet still pay an astronomical figure for a house that's oh so small. Your air quality, (even though you're getting better), is still a complete mess.

There are some days where you want to rip your eyes out of your sockets, the smog hurts so bad. Los Angeles, you were there for me when I needed you. But the love that I had for you is no longer there. As I look and I try to find a school for my daughter to go to, I'm on the waiting list of all these mediocre schools because your public school system ranks one of the lowest in the country.

With the amount of income and wealth here, we have a public school system that's absolutely disgraceful. I have to go and put myself on a waiting list for schools, and when I toured them they look like prison yards. Playgrounds made out of cement, classrooms that have no windows, and this was so-called a 'good school.'

Los Angeles, you're a mess, in every way, shape and form.

There's no longer affordable housing. The rents in LA have tripled over the last 10 years, so now people are forced to live in tiny little boxes, in troubled neighborhoods. Los Angeles, you have taken too much of my time in traffic. The other day, I went to Topanga. Coming back from Topanga, I was sitting on PCH for 45 minutes to drive one mile.

You're no longer going to take my money and my life. It's time that we broke up. I no longer want to live a congested life. I no longer want to live where I can't see friends of mine that live in upper parts of the town because it takes me too long to get there.

Just the other day going from Marina Del Ray to Hollywood, a 10 mile around-trip drive took me an hour and 45 minutes in the middle of the day. There's no reason for that.

The stress is unreal. I remember when I lived in New York City and I would go out to the Hamptons on the weekend. It was fine, because I was able to time the traffic going, but on a Sunday, if I didn't leave early and decided to stay and enjoy the day -- I would sit in the world's biggest parking lot called the Long Island Expressway.

The Long Island Expressway is Los Angeles every single day. You can never get anywhere in this city because everywhere you try to go, it's too many solo people riding in their cars. If you look around you see people texting in traffic, and not paying attention.

Los Angeles is no longer the place I want to be. I have friends all over LA, but I never see them.
I can fly in for a week and probably see them more, because nobody wants to deal with traffic. Los Angeles, whatever magic, you once had, I no longer feel it for you and like any relationship that comes to an end. I want to thank you for all the wonderful time that I had here. I'm not bitter, I don't hate you, I just feel like I've outgrown this city, I feel like my quality of life is no longer there.

There are better places out there. I'm not quite sure which one it's going to be yet because I need to develop some type of infatuation, or some type of crush.

I'll admit to you, I will miss your beauty. I will miss the things that I did here, but I want my quality of life. I want to live somewhere where my daughter can go to a school that's actually good, where she can walk, and she can grow up. I want to be able to feel no stress from my environment.

Thanks for the memories Los Angeles.

The next place is a mystery to me. I'm open to suggestions, maybe some of you know some great places that I can live. The thing is, I'm a New Yorker, and I've lived in big cities my whole life, so please find me something that's in between and I'll gladly thank you.