I was reading online yesterday that Sandra Bullock, America's new darling and Oscar winning star of The Blind Side, has been cheated on by her husband Jesse James. Apparently Jesse James (who I still think has the coolest name in the world) had an eleven month affair while she was on the set of The Blind Side.
It's funny. I read the article out loud to my girlfriend. Her response was, "Ugh, he's unbelievable! What an idiot to have cheated on her. What a fool. With all the money they have, he could've gone back and forth and visited her on the set."
It is so interesting that when a story like this breaks, that women will immediately unleash their claws and say something like, "How could he do this? How could he ruin the marriage like that?" In a cheating situation, women immediately will blame the man. Men will just kind of shrug their shoulders and say absolutely nothing.
Did you know more married women cheat than married men? So why do women blame the man immediately upon hearing a story like this? Do we know what's going on behind-the-scenes in their sex life?
We have no idea what their intimacy was like before and during the time he cheated on her. Maybe she's awful in bed. Maybe she has intimacy issues. Maybe she is not a loving person. Maybe despite the fact that they talked a thousand times, she never opened up to him so he went elsewhere.
Who knows what was going on in their relationship that led to Jesse James' infidelity? People cheat for so many different reasons besides just sex. When a woman hears that a man cheated, though, she automatically assumes it was all about sex and that the man just couldn't get enough sex. Women assume that the man just did everything wrong.
In reality, men cheat for the same reasons that women cheat. They cheat for emotional reasons and physical reasons. There are a lot of reason that people cheat other than that they were not getting sex at home.
So the next time you hear that a man is cheating on a woman, consider that there are two sides to every story before you jump to conclusions and put 100% of the blame on the man. For every man who cheats on a woman, there is a woman out there who is emotionally or physically unavailable to a man. Maybe a woman is totally about her kids and is not at all about her man anymore. Who knows?
The next time you jump to the conclusion that all men are sleaze because you hear about a guy cheating on his woman, realize that there are two people involved in that relationship. Those two people are probably disconnected in so many ways.
If someone is happy, they are not cheating. And happiness is something that is created by both people in a relationship. No matter whether it's the man or the woman in a relationship who cheats, it is the person who is lacking something in that relationship who will cheat first. A person in a great relationship - full of love, sex and great conversation -- is not going anywhere and is not cheating.
So when we hear about cheating in a relationship, let's stop automatically blaming the man and thinking that the poor defenseless woman has nothing to do with it. The truth is that she was half the cause of it.
When a woman cheats on a man, do we think "Ugh, women just can't keep their pants on!" No, we don't say that. We just think that there must have been something really wrong in the relationship.
You always hear about a double standard when it comes to sex. It seems to me, however, that there is a double standard when it comes to cheating. When it comes to cheating, whenever a man cheats it is always his fault. Think about it, and take a look at what other double standards you may have in life and how you judge people because of them.
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If you don't see anything wrong with that, you are as low as he is. The nerve you have calling yourself "an internationally-renowned dating and relationship coach, and author".
1. Your client/s (if any) should ask for a refund.
2. Your girlfriend should find a real man to be her boyfriend.
I do agree insofar as blame is not useful. There are always reasons two people are drawn together, and we need to grow up enuf to identify those reasons and make healthy choices. I think I've read that Sandra has had intimacy issues. This was part of her journey. She doesn't need to wallow--just identify why a guy mostly attracted to porn stars seemed like a good catch. And move on. The course of his life seems pretty clear.
I was the 'good girl' people sympathized with when my ex cheated on me--but after the smoke cleared, I had to take a hard look at what I really wanted and deserved. No blame.
Had he cheated on someone who was like Sandra then some may say, hum, maybe they just needed to divorce because obviously, there was something missing there. BUT the woman he chose to cheat on her with is a certified wacko who would do anything for FAME. Was it that kind of junk that was missing in his marriage? Was he missing out on being with a trashy dame who'd sell her story to the tabloids the minute she could? Was it that he missed looking at W P on his woman's body that turned him on? His mind is twisted and he may need to be de-freaked.
So, I am putting my money on the fact that Jesse is not being truthful with Sandra or himself that what he needs is not a really nice loving relationship with a beautiful, talented, sane wife at all. IT is something far more decadent and disturbing. And the fact that he did not even think this mentally-crazy Michelle would kiss and tell is proof of the fact that he is clueless about toxic women.
No one has an inalienable right to cheat because they are unhappy in their marriage! Get a divorce, for heaven's sake, if you can't work it out. But you don't get to pick up some piece of trash and get it on just because your wife is busy with the kids, tired when she comes home from work, not adoring you 24/7 and catering to your every need!
It's scary when someone can write this kind of rubbish that basically gives anyone a pass to go out and cheat. Life's tough, things suck in a marriage, so guess what! I will go out and get laid! Brilliant thesis. I am sure that a lot of guys out there will read this and love being given permission to act out their fantasies or whatever.
And that is what she got - for what - being successful? Probably.
12 And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.
A woman who marries a man who has been put away (divorced for cause) causes the man to commit adultery.
These relationships aren't marriage, they're adultery. These men are the "husbands" of these women only in the minds of those who are outside the moral pale.
"Having it all" arguments here are nothing more than a discussion of how to divide someone else's resources.
Bottom line: Jesse cheated, not Sandra.
Even if Sandra was hard to deal with in anyway, the remedy to unhappiness is divorce, not cheating.
QUOTE: "...more married women cheat than married men"
REPLY: source please
QUOTE: "Maybe she's awful in bed...has intimacy issues...is not a loving person...she never opened up to him so he went elsewhere."
REPLY: none of this justifies cheating
QUOTE: "If someone is happy, they are not cheating...A person in a great relationship...is not cheating."
REPLY: David, you’re an “expert”, right? So you understand that it is possible for someone to be a pathological cheater, even if they’re in a perfect relationship, right? Or some people may be completely happy, but they’re greedy, selfish or they feel entitled. You know this, right?
QUOTE: "The next time you jump to the conclusion that all men are sleaze because you hear about a guy cheating on his woman..."
REPLY: We’re not talking about all men, we’re talking about Jesse James. You might be the one generalizing.
QUOTE: "...stop automatically blaming the man and thinking that the poor defenseless woman has nothing to do with it...she was half the cause of it."
REPLY: How is the person who got cheated on (whichever gender) half the cause of it? That is nothing but generalizations and a classic case of blaming the victim. Whose fault it is should be decided on a case-by-case basis, no?
I am not making these statements to defend the woman, I am making these statements to defend the person who didn’t cheat.
QUOTE: "...more married women cheat than married men" -- SOURCE PLEASE
QUOTE: "Maybe she's awful in bed...has intimacy issues...is not a loving person...she never opened up to him so he went elsewhere." -- NONE OF THIS JUSTIFIES CHEATING
QUOTE: "If someone is happy, they are not cheating...A person in a great relationship...is not cheating." -- DAVID, YOU'RE AN "EXPERT", RIGHT? SO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS POSSIBLE FOR SOMEONE TO BE A PATHOLOGICAL CHEATER, EVEN IF THEY'RE IN A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP, RIGHT? OR SOME PEOPLE MAY BE COMPLETELY HAPPY, BUT THEY'RE GREEDY, SELFISH OR THEY FEEL ENTITLED. YOU KNOW THIS, RIGHT?
QUOTE: "The next time you jump to the conclusion that all men are sleaze because you hear about a guy cheating on his woman..." -- WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ALL MEN, WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JESSE JAMES. YOU'RE THE ONE GENERALIZING.
QUOTE: "...stop automatically blaming the man and thinking that the poor defenseless woman has nothing to do with it...she was half the cause of it." THE PERSON WHO GOT CHEATED ON (WHICHEVER GENDER) IS HALF THE CAUSE OF IT? OMG. TALK ABOUT GENERALIZATIONS. NOTHING LIKE BLAMING THE VICTIM. CASE BY CASE BASIS MAYBE????
This article is clueless. I am not making these statements to defend the WOMAN, I am making these statements to defend the PERSON WHO DIDN'T CHEAT.
This might be the worst article I've ever read.
Are you quoting a study or poll or just pulling out of a magical statistic hat