THE BLOG
07/20/2010 11:15 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

How Do the Internet and Intimacy Relate?

How do the Internet and Intimacy relate to one another? The only thing that these two things have in common is the the first three letters (the "i-n-t") of their names. The Internet is the number one intimacy killer in the world.

How many of you find yourself typing away on the Internet, or playing on Facebook chatting up old friends that you haven't seen in 25 years, at 11:00 each night? How many of you come home from work, watch television, get on the Internet, and then do nothing but sleep when you crawl into bed next to your lover?

Before the Internet existed, we needed to get creative to have intimacy. We actually lit candles. We actually had long conversations. We actually talked on the phone.

The Internet sucks us in now. It's like a void. Before you know it, you have seven different windows open simultaneously with different things to which you need to respond. You might even be reading this blog instead of being in bed with the one you love.

In fourteen years of being a dating and relationship coach, I've found that most people retreat to the Internet because they don't know how to retreat and connect with their lover anymore. The Internet really is one of the biggest intimacy killers.

I was recently traveling abroad with my wife, and I brought my laptop along (which I almost never do). I found myself feeling like I needed to keep in touch with people business-wise. I even found myself actually reading articles or reading the ESPN website instead of walking on the beach and connecting with my wife.

The Internet really sucks you in. It's an addiction. It's an addiction that could be as bad as drinking and drugs.

So many of us spend so much time on the Internet instead of spending time connecting with other people. Instead of going out and meeting actual human beings with whom we can develop a relationship, we spend time chatting online with people we barely know.

So, here's a suggestion for everyone . . .

Bookmark a few of your favorite sites. When you get home, relax a little bit and spend some time on the Internet reading things.

Then when you have dinner with your significant other, sit there and just talk. Relax and enjoy each other's company.

When it comes down to intimacy, if the only intimacy you are having right now is with your fingers typing on a keyboard, I strongly suggest that you start realizing how the Internet is killing any intimacy in your life. Realize how it's killing your connection with your lover and with your friends.