Do you live in Fantasy-ville?
Or as I prefer to call it, Relationship Fantasy Land.
It's scary to admit that you might be living in fantasy. Yet many of us have relationships, which feel different to us on the inside, then they do to your partner. I'm going to share a story about Ken and Amy. I've changed the names to protect the innocent, but the details are all truth.
Ken is a 45-year-old man. Amy is a 39-year-old woman. They were married for 10 years and had 2 beautiful daughters. At the end of their relationship, no matter what they tried, they were not hearing each other.
They both got angry, both got mad, and they both pointed fingers at each other. Ken was, and still is, a really good man. He's supportive, he's loving and he's an amazing dad. Ken does okay, not great. He was barely able make ends meet when they were all together.
Amy was a stay-at-home mom. Even though it caused financial strain and stress to Ken, he allowed Amy to be that stay-at-home mom. Now they're separated and divorced, Amy is forced to work. This is where the perfect fantasy ends.
Amy doesn't want to work. Deep down, she enjoys being the stay-at-home mom, and I can understand why. It gives her great satisfaction to be with her kids, to be able to pick them up at school, to be able to go to all their events and after school activities. I understand that. The problem is, that's not realistic now. They're no longer together, and there's no way in the world Ken is able to support two homes, nor should he be forced to.
Amy wrote me an email asking for help, but she is living in Fantasy Land. She is still doing all the things she did for her kids before, but reality has changed.
Reality is that now she needs to work, to make a living, it's going to take time away from her children, but that's what happens when people get divorced and separated. The perfect picture ends. Things can't be the way they were before.
The problem is many men and women have perfect pictures of how things are supposed to be -- and find it difficult to adapt.
Ken and Amy got in touch with their individual issues, and the things that they caused in the relationship to destroy it. Maybe it could have worked, but neither one of them had the power to do what was needed at the time. Now reality is forcing a life change.
Unfortunately, things change after divorce. You might have a new reality that doesn't fit with your perfect picture.
Everybody has to make sacrifices when two people split and there are children involved. The sacrifices are hard, but the kids are going to survive, even thrive. The kids will survive no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're a stay-at-home parent or not. The kids are going to survive.
The kids will survive changes easier than you think. It's the adults who concern me the most. It seems like the adults get so caught in the perfect picture of how things should be. It becomes all about them.
Life constantly evolves and changes. Our perfect picture needs to change along with it. Look at your life right now, that's the life you need to live. For yourself and your children.