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Marriage Before 30: Beware!

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I read in the paper today that Jamie Lynn Spears is actually separating from her man at the age of 18. Having a kid before you hit 30, I believe, can be dangerous. Having a kid while you are still a kid yourself, however, is absolutely dangerous.

A lot of people do it. A lot of people both in this country and all over the world have children when they are still children themselves.

Children are not emotionally prepared to have kids. They don't even know themselves yet.

Not only does Jamie Lynn Spears have a baby at the age of 18, she is now also dating a 28 year-old man.

C'mon now. A 28 year old man is dating a child? Yes, at 18 years old I still consider her to be a child. Something is not right about that at all.

A 28 year old man is dating an 18 year-old child. A well-to-do businessman, a worldly man, is dating an 18 year old child. Think for a second about how that sounds.

When I was 28 years old and would speak with an 18 year old person, all I could think about was how much I did not miss being 18 years old. There is nothing a 28 year old man and an 18 year old girl could have in common as a foundation for a relationship except maybe sex.

Anyway, this blog is not about older men dating younger women. We can get back to that topic another day.

What I really want to talk about is the failure of marriage and what causes marriages to fail. In particular, what I really find sad are these people getting married at age 18 (or 19 or 20).

You don't yet know who you are at that age. You just got out of high school or you may be in college. You might be starting your first job. You have no clue what life is all about yet.

If I look back when I was 18 years old, I remember having an incredible crush on someone with whom I thought I was head over heels in love. I thought I knew exactly who she was as a person. I was wrong on both counts.

You are not ready to get married until you have first gotten to know yourself. That is what your 20s are all about. Your 20s are about exploring yourself, learning about yourself as an adult, learning to get along with people as an adult and learning how to be alone as an adult.

I really and truly believe that people should not get married until they hit the age of 30. By that age, people are older and ready for it (whether that means they have had enough relationship experience or "sewn their wild oats" or whatever it might be).

Too many people are getting married way too early in life, and it almost never works out well. It doesn't work out well because you don't know who you are as a person at that young an age. You don't know what your beliefs are. You are not settled in your career. You are not fully cemented in your life and in the world yet.

So when you see someone like Jamie Lynn Spears who is separating from the father of her child at the age of 18, are we shocked? I am certainly not.

The reason why most marriages end in divorce is because people don't know how to grow with each other. They never really got to understand themselves first. They don't know what their own needs and wants are, so how can they possibly communicate them to someone else?

It's so important to get to know yourself before you get married. It's so important to take the time in your life to learn who you are and what you're all about as a person.

People who get married too young do so based on a fantasy, because real love with yourself takes time. Real love with others takes work. If you haven't worked on yourself before you are with someone else, then there is no way you are going to know how to build a relationship with another person.

How do you all feel about this? I know some of you are probably reading this thinking that you got married young and it has worked out perfectly. Others of you are probably reading this thinking, "He is SO right. I got married three times before I was even 35 years old, and none of those marriages worked." I am sure there some strong opinions about marriage age difference issue as well.

So what is your opinion on all of these issues? I would love to hear from you and get to know a whole new audience!

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