I was reading the other day about the new "big news" about Jesse James. No, not Jesse James the old gunslinger. I am talking about the Jesse James who is still technically married to our favorite The Blind Side Oscar winner Sandra Bullock.
The big new development in this saga is that Jesse James apparently didn't just cheat with that woman who is tattooed from head to toe, but has actually cheated with multiple women. They say he may have had as many as ten lovers over the last ten years.
People are outraged to learn this. Poor Sandra! I talked in my blog last week about 'poor Sandra' getting cheated on by Jesse James.
The only story about this whole thing seems to be that another innocent woman has been cheated on by a guy who couldn't keep his penis in his pants. Once again, though, there are so many assumptions being made with this being the only storyline.
We have no idea what their sex life was like. None.
Sandra could have been frigid. Sandra could have been awful in bed. Sandra herself could have been cheating. Sandra could have been so busy all the time, that she had no time for her man.
Nobody ever seems to look at the person being cheated on as anything more than just a victim. This is ridiculous.
Who cares if Jesse James had ten lovers, twenty lovers or fifty lovers? It doesn't make a difference with how many people someone cheats.
There are some guys who will always cheat. There are some guys who can never stay loyal. It doesn't matter if they're happy or sad in their relationship. They will always cheat. They just like the thrill of new women.
There are other guys, however, who cheat for so many other reasons. Nobody wants to write about that though.
Nobody wants to write about Sandra. Everybody just feels so badly because she is an Oscar winner and a privileged celebrity who has been cheated on by a man.
At least one of the questions we should be asking here is how did she treat him? Does anyone ever stop even for a second to wonder how Sandra treated Jesse?
Might there have been any reason why he went and cheated? Could it perhaps have been that the sex at home was nonexistent, or maybe she was too busy for anything but work?
You don't know and, the truth is, that none of us know. Once again, though, we are judging people without knowing all the facts.
Now everyone is even more outraged than ever before because of the discovery that this man cheated on Sandra with multiple women. Once again, the man is portrayed as being totally at fault.
Don't get me wrong. I'm a man, but I am not defending all men who cheat. Just a few paragraphs earlier I said that there are a lot of men who cheat just for the sake of cheating and because they enjoy the chase.
So before you get all crazy thinking that I'm just a man basically protecting other men, I'm not. What I am trying to do, though, is to tell you to look more deeply into things.
There are reasons why people cheat. I've written about this in one of my recent blogs.
People cheat for many different reasons. We need to stop looking at someone who is cheated on as an automatic victim, and realize that many times the person being cheated on is actually a cause of the other person cheating. It takes two in a relationship.
So look at your own relationships, and look in the mirror. Every time something goes wrong in your relationship, are you a blamer? Do you blame the other person for everything that went wrong, or do you look in the mirror and realize that you were also part of the communication breakdown or whatever happened.
So, let's stop judging Jesse James, and let's start thinking that this was a two-way street.
I'd love to sit down and interview Sandra Bullock, our little darling Oscar winner. I guarantee that if I had the opportunity to sit down with her, that I could come up with probably three or four reasons why Jesse James cheated on her.
She's not as innocent as she looks. She might be a serial cheater. Maybe he is a guys who always liked to chase (and to cheat), but I bet there is a pretty good chance that America's new sweetheart had a lot to do with it.
Andy Borowitz: Association with Jesse James Worries Neo-Nazis
Recently published photos showing Sandra Bullock's straying husband Jesse James wearing Nazi regalia is "a public relations nightmare," according to prominent Neo-Nazis, who worry that the association may hurt their image in an irreparable way.
I realize that the his article also - and rightly - brings up the fact that no one has the full details. However, it is completely beside the point. Asserting that, if a woman does not cater to her husband's sexual needs it is HER fault that he cheats, is ludicrous. It doesn't matter if they NEVER had sex. I don't suppose Mr. Wygant has noticed the horrible media frenzy around a very private and decent person Jesse James' behavior has created. I suppose Sandra Bullock brought it upon herself. Lest we forget that unprotected sex is extremely dangerous and many STD's have much more serious consequence for women than men.
I cringe to think this article was seemingly posted without a thought to the fact that it promotes an argument frequently used by domestic abusers. Jesse James is clearly in the wrong. Until it is proven otherwise there is no need to write a blog about how this whole mess might be Sandra Bullocks fault. Anyone who thinks that Jesse James' actions were justified because his sexual needs were not being met should not give relationship advice for a living.
Some things are a deal breakers and I believe this is one of those things.
Some men cannot relate to real life women that actually have to balance life, work, kids, and other non-sex-related stuff., so they go and find tramps that can help them keep their make believe world where women are merely one dimensional sex objects.
Maybe Sandra isn't perfect, but that doesn't justify having unprotected sex with strangers emblazoned with Nazi insignia and exposing your trusting wife to STD's, then don a Nazi cap & take photos, etc. RIDICULOUS. He made his choice, he could have gone to counseling, got into rehab, had a talk with his wife who had no idea about this, or any of the things a healthy, respectful male should do.
NewsFlash- You are not a relationship expert but a guy who thinks random cheating on loving women who trust you is a cool thing to do for no reason. The best thing to come out of this is that men will be held accountable for behavior that has destroyed women because they could get away with it. Shame on you, Sandra's star status has nothing to do with horrible behavior. Take responsibility ,man up, stop excusing the antics of the world's sick, entitled males.
I call on decent men everywhere to hold snakes like Jesse and Wygant accountable and make the world safe for love again.
What you are saying is that we should not rush to blame poor Jesse because Sandra could have been too busy to have sex with him....so that, in your mind, would justify him having sex with multiple women and not letting her know ?
The last I checked, honesty is an essential part of any normal, mature (supposedly committed) relationship between two people.
I don't care what she did in the marriage. If he wasn't happy, he should have told her and then left to go have his fun.
There's simply no excuse to lie to your partner. That's just plain cowardly and shows a complete lack of respect for her.
Jesse James is coward with no integrity and I hope she dumps his sorry ass. Honestly!!! What kind of mental gymnastics are you engaging in! It makes me wonder what else you'd justify.
To those of you who got "punked" .... here's the primer (although I wonder if maybe the exasperated responsed might just be punking me into thinging there could be such naivity - hey... the joke''s on me!")
Male celebrities invariably have a partner on the other side who brought about, induced, or even outright triggered their spouse's aactions. Perhaps there could actually be some llack of understanding, in that rarely do news reports elucidate what the wife has done to produce the situation.
The normally admirable trait to "Never state the ovbious" perhaps could be diluted in certain inflammatory issues.... but how much must we "dumb down" journalism to report how women, through their nature and through no flaw in character, are the cause and foundation for the suppsed "mis-behavior" of their husbands.
Hey, as most men I'm all for a good prank... but let's try to be more responsible when the result could be the stimulation of confusing ideas leading to flawed, unsound, and insubordinate beliefs.
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What do you have against Sandra anyway...or any victim?
Jesse James cheated because women were available to cheat with. That was his decision, regardless of circumstances.
Anyone who chooses to defend their right to be true to themselves might consider extending knowledge of such "truth" to their partners, and probably shouldn't consider marriage. The Jesses of the world tend not to take kindly to the idea of sharing when the shoe would be on the other foot, and bringing an outsider into your home is a big no-no in anyone's book.
But....as I pointed out in another post, I first saw Jesse on last year's Celebrity Apprentice, and he behaved like an absolute lout towards Joan Rivers. Hate her, love her -- she's got quite an honest, tart mouth on her, I adore the way she cuts thru the c.r.a.p. -- she's a much older woman, who showed unflagging verve, humor and heart on the show (she won), and he was disrespectful in a boorish way that spoke clearly about his attitudes towards women, and his selfish, uncompromising, graceless personality.
The man is trash. Pick someone better to defend.
And yeah, my point is that while many men cheat discreetly, and blindside their wives, both Tiger & Jesse cheated for years, had mulitple long-term affairs, and were far from discreet, with texts, photos, voicemails and more. To convince me that the women were obvlivious would take work. This is epic cheating, not one sleazy affair.
And really, for all the speculation and taking sides, we haven't got clue one into the private lives of these people, but I believe that it's true what they say: the rich and famous are different from you and me.
And Eris, my sympathy for your betrayal....
Seriously, what dating and relationship "expert" would endorse such behavior?