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Dean Obeidallah

Dean Obeidallah

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A British Superman?!

Posted: 02/ 1/11 08:35 PM ET

Guess who will be playing Superman in the upcoming installment in the Superman franchise? Jake Gyllenhaal? Chris Pine, who played "Captain Kirk" in last year's "Star Trek"? Seth Rogan, who is in every third movie?

Nope, the iconic American superhero will now be played by British actor Henry Cavill. Our "Superman" is now a British dude. Does this mean "Superman" will now be fighting for: Truth Justice and the "Bloody" American Way? Will his superpowers include keeping a stiff upper lip or instantly preparing tasteless food?

Look, I'm not xenophobic and I know that actors can act "American" -- but this is Superman! This isn't "Aquaman" -- you can have Jackie Chan play "Aquaman" and I would be cool with it.

And I didn't get upset when Britain's Christian Bale was cast as "Batman." But this is "Superman" - he is the man of steel, not the man of fish and chips.

I have absolutely nothing against the talented actor Henry Cavill who has been tapped to play "Superman." I have seen him in the Showtime series "The Tudors," but there lies the rub: How is "The Tudors" - a story about King Henry VIII - the training to play America's greatest superhero?

Should we expect to see a subtle British influence over our beloved "Superman" in the new movie? Instead, of the famed big "S" on Superman's chest, will his shirt now read: "Mind the Gap"? Will "Lois Lane" now be dressed like "Sporty Spice?" Will Clark Kent now wear a top hat, London fog jacket and a monocle and say "Guvernor" a lot? (Henry Cavill has good teeth so I'll forgo the cliché British bad teeth joke because I think I have hit enough overused British clichés above.)

For the record, I'm not looking to get Henry Cavill fired from the movie - with his British accent, he could easily play the non-descript, ethnically ambiguous villain we have seen in many movies, most famously Alan Rickman's character in "Die Hard."

But with all the talented young (and unemployed) American actors out there, are the producers actually telling us that there is not one American who could play "Superman."

But if this is the future - if British actors are going to be our "Batman" and now our "Superman" - I think it's time American studios start casting Americans in the roles of British icons. So here are my suggestions:

-"James Bond" played by "Mike the Situation" from "Jersey Shore." Instead of drinking the old Bond's signature vodka martini, the new "Bond the Situation" will drink jello shots.

-"Mary Poppins" played by Sarah Palin - finally, something I can support Sarah Palin doing. I can envision the new "Sarah Poppins" flying around with her umbrella shooting wolves from the skies. Much more fun then watching her shoot them from a helicopter.

-"The King's Speech" -Instead of the great British actor Colin Firth playing the stammer plagued Duke of York, we cast "Stuttering John" formerly of "The Howard Stern Show." He already has the stutter and maybe the movie can be therapeutic for him.

-"The Tudors" -King Henry VIII will now be played by "Larry the Cable Guy." Can't wait to see King Larry wearing a camouflage colored crown, a royal robe with the sleeves cut off, exclaiming to the Royal Court: "Get 'R Done" in a Southern accent.

-"Harry Potter" - Charlie Sheen as "Harry" and "Hermione" played by a porn star of Charlie's choosing.

All I'm saying is that if the British actors are going to play all our icons, it's time to see Queen Elizabeth played by "Snooki."

 

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