Last week I wrote about Airtran officials throwing a Muslim family off a flight because they looked "suspicious" a/k/a Muslim in a blog entitled "(Not) Flying While Muslim."
In an effort to assist my fellow Middle Eastern and Muslim-Americans, I offered them this advice to ease their problems at the airport: "Dress white, make your flight. Dress brown never leave town." I also implored them to shop at stores that can help you dress "white" like Banana Republic -- the Mecca of clothing for white people.
But now I'm here to tell everyone to ignore that advice in light of today's news that Jet Blue and the TSA have paid Arab-American Raed Jarrar $240,000 because he was removed from a flight for wearing a shirt that bore Arabic writing. (Mr. Jarrar was ultimately allowed to re-board but had to cover up the shirt.)
Now I know that sounds like a lot of money -- even to me a former lawyer -- but before everyone blames this award on an activist judge or a liberal politically correct jury, please keep in mind that the $240,000 was not ordered by a court, but offered voluntarily by Jet Blue and the TSA to settle the claim. It would have been downright Un-American for Mr. Jarrar not to accept the US dollars being offered to him.
So after hearing about this $240,000 payment, I now say forget "Dress white make your flight," - instead here are a few new rhymes that you should employ: Dress brown, in money you will drown -- Wear an Arab dress, cash you will possess -- Dress like you're from the Middle East, your income will be increased.
And this doesn't go for just Middle Eastern-Americans. During these tough economic times, anyone looking for some extra money should try it. I can only imagine airport security looking up seeing throngs of people dressed like Arabs - a white guy with an Arab scarf, a Blonde white woman in a traditional Arab robe, an Asian guy wearing a Keffiyeh -which is the traditional male Arab headdress. (If you are curious as to how white people would look dressed like Arabs, you might want to see this video made 2 years ago for Comedy Central.com's "The Watch List")
Now I will warn you not to go overboard. The Arab-American man in question was simply wearing a t-shirt that stated in Arabic: "We will not be silent" - a sentiment many of us shared about the Iraq war and share again now with the current situation in Gaza.
But that does not mean you should dress to scare people- no shirts stating: "Bin Laden is my homeboy," "72 virgins here I come" or "Al Qaeda rocks." Plain and simple Middle Eastern fashions should suffice.
If all goes well, security will not allow you to board your flight and you are on your way to the new 46 inch Plasma TV you always wanted. Worst-case scenario - you don't get any money, but you have a head start on your Halloween costume.