I am Christine O'Donnell

Yes, it's true, I am Christine O'Donnell, and so are you if you watch her new campaign commercial below. (Please watch the commercial before reading further -- it will be 30 seconds of your life well spent.)

Her commercial opens with the line: "I'm not a witch." You don't have to be a political expert to realize that if your campaign commercial begins with the statement: "I'm not a witch," your campaign is in trouble. This goes way beyond other famous political denials like Bill Clinton's: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" or Richard Nixon's: "I'm not a crook." This is special, she is denying being a supernatural being in the race for the US Senate. Priceless.

At end of her commercial, she creepily says: "I am you." Which to be honest, sounds a little witchy. Is this a spell? If her witchcraft works and I become her, am I now running for the US Senate? And she is now me? Does she have to go to New Jersey on Sunday to have dinner with my Mom?

I'm not sure, but after watching this commercial, one thing is certain: I have a new found appreciation for the intelligence of Sarah Palin.

Clearly, Christine O'Donnell's campaign is a wreck -- so in an effort to make it more interesting between now and Election Day, here are my suggestions for Christine:

1. Make a new campaign commercial declaring: "I'm Christine O'Donnell, I'm not a witch, but I am zombie." Zombies are clearly cooler than witches. They're in tons of movies and in popular books like my friend Max Brooks "World War Z." Or better yet, claim to be a vampire. They are the rage. Get one of kids from the "Twilight" movies in your ad. Team Christine will be born!
2. Make a new commercial where you commit to being a witch. You can dress all witchy with a hat, broom, green face paint and threaten people with witchy stuff like: "Vote for me or spend eternity as a frog." Or maybe promise to cast a spell on the economy that will create jobs. I would actually consider voting for you if you could do that!
3. Accuse your opponent of being a werewolf. Why not? People lie in political campaigns all the time so why not accuse your Democratic opponent Chris Coons of being a werewolf. Then he has to go on TV and say: "Hi, I'm Chris Coons and I'm not a werewolf." How cool with that be?!

But despite her denial and the fact there is no credible evidence, I think she is a witch. That is why I'm starting the "witchers" movement inspired by "the birthers." Why should the truth get in the way? It hasn't stopped Christine O'Donnell.

 

Follow Dean Obeidallah on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Deanofcomedy

Comments

[cobobs]

11:53 AM on 10/28/2010

Christine, I am not you and you are not me. For starters, I am better informed and more educated but still think I am not qualified to be a US senator. You scare me because you are like the first year medical student who confidently thinks she can do heart transplant surgery

[Checquoline]

10:12 AM on 10/13/2010

Linda Tripp said she was us so was she a witch? Some people thought so.

[orkt]

11:50 AM on 10/12/2010

Last word on witches:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zrzMhU_4m-g

[waldopepper]

11:53 PM on 10/11/2010

Because we all cannot vote against her, I think we should all masturbate at a specific time, then email her and tell her that we are defying her in this manner.

""You should not let a sorceress live.""

Exodus 22:12

[MohammedAbbasi]

09:51 PM on 10/11/2010

BLASPHEMY!

Wicca is a very old religion with its own ways/customs and cannot be compared to this baptist fanatic tealiban movement....

[WTFbush]

07:59 PM on 10/10/2010

only a real witch would deny being a witch

[Hardyman1966]

02:48 AM on 10/10/2010

It's 2010.
A team of professionals just finished the final print of this commercial to be approved.
It's the first national ad for a 41 year-old unemployed woman desiring to be a Senator.
The first words are, "I am not a witch."
Unanimously, everyone stands and cheers, "Nailed it!"
It's f**king 2010.

[WTFbush]

07:54 PM on 10/10/2010

lol! the only thing missing was, "and I can prove it" followed by a twinkling of her nose and then, "see, nothing!"

[Balzac]

06:43 PM on 10/09/2010

Re: Christine O'Donnell's "I am you" - check out R. Crumb's "Jumpin' Jack Flash". That is who Christine O'Donnell was emulating with the spooky bid for an identity takeover with the "I am you" quote.

[cheryl tobin]

05:24 PM on 10/09/2010

Now she states she is not a witch when that was the only thing I liked about her!

[WTFbush]

07:55 PM on 10/10/2010

awesome....they obviously didn't do a poll before making the ad!

[jjtx]

04:14 AM on 10/09/2010

I'm in.

[vetxcl]

02:12 PM on 10/08/2010

almost funny.

[NoSandwiches]

11:59 PM on 10/07/2010

I am not a fan of zombies, but I read World War Z and it was awesome. I think we need to see if Christine O'Donnel weighs the same as a duck before we can determine whether or not she truly is a witch.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bdifIjZoBUE

I know that I am Christine O'Donnel and have PMS so I feel quite witchy. Or is that itchy? Because I I believe my frog has given me warts...

As Ogden Nash used to say, "I highly admire Barbara Fitchy. I bet she scratched when she was itchy."

"I highly admire O'Donnel the Witchy. I bet she scratches when she is itchy..."

Hmmmm. I'll have to work on that.

[justoverit333]

03:45 PM on 10/07/2010

LOL. The witchers movement. Love it

[NicasioKid]

03:14 PM on 10/07/2010

I think this is defamatory to witches everywhere.

[NicasioKid]

03:13 PM on 10/07/2010

Actually, she just needs to declare "I'm not a witch, I'm a vampire," and corner the youth vote.