I Surrender, Sarah!

Girl, you had me at the wink.

As soon as ya looked right at me and gave me that cute little wink and nod and that big winner smile, I knew that the Republicans were right after all--this election should not be about issues. Issues are boring and elitist. It should be about personality.

I heard one commentator call what Biden did "a litany of numbers," but that you were "folksy" You go, girl!

On a local news broadcast in conservative Abilene, Texas, a camera crew for the CBS affiliate, KTAB, hung out with some kids at the ultra-conservative Abilene Christian University, a Church of Christ-sponsored school, and asked them what they thought. One girl complained that Biden was "just a bunch of statistics," but that with Palin, "It's like, it wasn't HER standing up there. It was one of US."

And I thought, you know, that is so true. I think me or any of my girlfriends or any of my guy buddies--we could be vice-president! When we sit around drinkin' beer and talkin', we know as much as you do, Sarah! Because you are one of US.

I love what Roland Merullo said in his op-ed for the Boston Globe, "How Not to Vote for a President":

"IN THE MIDST of this remarkable campaign for the presidency, it continues to amaze me that some people still want to talk about issues. By now, all but the most naive first-time voter must realize that what's important is not where the candidates stand on healthcare or job creation, but whether or not they would be fun to have a beer with. I mean, do you really think Al Gore or John Kerry would have made a better president than the affable fellow we have in there now? Would you seriously want to have Gore over to your house for dinner and Monday night football? Are you really saying you'd want to sit down in front of 'American Idol' with JK instead of GWB?

"You would think, listening to these types, that the country was in some kind of trouble.

"We are clearly winning the war, which proves it was a smart and just war to begin with. Pretty much everyone I know still goes on vacation every summer, still drives a nice car, still manages to put some money away for their later years. Crime is pretty low. Gas is cheaper than it was recently. It was so cold at one of my country houses the other night that the idea of global warming has become pretty hard to swallow."

As Craig Ferguson likes to say on late-night TV, "I KNOOOOW!"

Merullo says all those people who get all bent out of shape on stuff like the regular, normal pattern of weather changes and call it "climate change crises" or think that the war in Iraq has gone on too long blah blah blah--he calls them "issuists." He says, they're just all so NEGATIVE.

Oh, that is soooo true. I heard Diane Sawyer say it just this morning, when George Stephanopolous pointed out that Biden kept tying you and John McCain to George Bush--she pointed out how cute you were when you gave another bright little smile and wink and said, "Say it ain't so Joe! There ya go again, lookin' backward!"--Sawyer said that you were so UPBEAT all the time.

Goin' on and on about the country's so-called PROBLEMS is so DEPRESSING, don'tcha think?

Here's what Merullo said aboutcha in his op-ed:

"Issueists complain that looks shouldn't matter. I beg to differ. After a few years I get sick of even the politicians I like, so tell me it isn't important for them to look hot when you have to see them on TV month after month for most of a decade? Palin might not be the most experienced pol I ever heard about, but she's got personality. Verve. She hunts, for Pete's sake. Plus she has five kids. Why would anyone need more than that from the person who is a heartbeat away? Guys, tell me you wouldn't want to sit down with her over a cold one and talk about rifle barrels or snowmobiles or the move that left-winger made before he hit the post. And ladies, admit it, your heart beats a little faster seeing one of your own up there on the biggest stage in the world. You're telling me you were happy with Hillary, the brainy law school grad, but not with SP, Queen of the North? Sorry, not buying."

I KNOOOOW! Did you get that funny e-mail, the one that warns you not to open it if it has a subject title, "Nude Pictures of Sarah Palin," because it contains a virus, and not to open it if it has a subject title, "Nude Pictures of Hillary Clinton," because it might actually BE nude pictures of Hillary Clinton?

HA! HA! HA!

Who wants some gal up there who dresses in pantsuits and sensible shoes and is, like, all wonky on policy and ISSUES, when we can have a hot chick in short skirts and spike heels flirtin' with us on-camera?

C'MON, people! LIGHTEN UP!

Garrison Keillor, the folk comedian and radio performer from Minnesota, in all his wisdom, wrote an op-ed called, "It's Just Like High School," for TampaBay.com:

"I must say, it was fun having the Republicans in St. Paul and to see it all up close and firsthand. Security was, as one might expect, thin-lipped and gimlet-eyed, but once you got through it, you found the folks you went to high school with -- farm kids, jocks, the townies who ran the student council, the cheerleaders, some of the bullies -- and they are as cohesive now as they were back then, dedicated to school spirit, intolerant of outsiders, able to jump up and down and holler for something they don't actually believe. But oh, Lord, what they brought forth this year. When you check the actuarial tables on a 72-year-old guy who's had three bouts with cancer, you guess you may be looking at the first woman president, a hustling evangelical with ethics issues and a chip on her shoulder who, not counting Canada, has set foot outside the country once -- a trip to Germany, Iraq and Kuwait in 2007 to visit Alaskans in the armed service. And who listed a refueling stop in Ireland as a fourth country visited. She's like the Current Occupant but with big hair."

Gosh darn it, is that funny or WHAT?

Because I, like, totally get it. You are the POPULAR GIRL; the cheerleader who goes with the football quarterback (or I should say, hockey goalie) all through high school. The homecoming queen, the Valentine's sweetheart, the local beauty queen contestant who actually WINS Miss Congeniality.

Even John McCain pointed out your qualifications in his debate with Barack Obama, when he said that you had been "a PTA president."

So, yeah. You got my vote, girlfriend...wait...I'm gettin' a text-message from my daughter...hang on...hmmm...

Is this true, Sarah?

My daughter says you are actually running for vice-president OF THE UNITED STATES.

I thought it was like, vice-president of the Chamber of Commerce or somethin'.

Never mind, then.

Comments

[esgabel]

It has been a long time since I have had such a visceral aversion to anyone as I have of Sara Palin. My reaction is so out of control that all I hear and see is that atonal high-pitched voice and that plastered on beauty queen grin with extra snarkiness on the side. Everything she says annoys me--Is this irrational? One particularly grating pronouncement from the lips of Gov Palin really irked me--when asked why she had never travelled she said she didn't have the parents that could buy her a passport, implying that only trust fund brats travel...Helloooo--some of us worked our asses off, saved our money and travelled through Europe on Eurail sleeping on trains and in train stations, hostels, cheap hotels etc. Just like our soon to be past president, I guess I resent them both for not being intellectually curious...for making fun of the elitism of a solid education and the goal of serving people. I don't like Sara Palin...

[DeanieMills]

I know exactly what you mean, esgabel. My daughter labored like an Egyptian slave building the pyramids to make the final cut of only two drama students at her university to be selected to study theatre for a year in London, and she worked that whole summer before she left, saving so she could travel overseas. She did the same thing in order to go on to ply her craft in New York and L.A. Just this weekend, both Maureen Dowd in the NY Times, and an upcoming Newsweek cover story discuss this appalling lack of intellectual curiosity, how it has hurt our country, and why it should not be considered a virtue when it comes to the highest office in the land. Serious times call for serious candidates; our nation is in trouble. This is why, I think, we are so offended and insulted by this candidate, and why her flirtateous air-brained ways make us slightly hysterical. When the band played on board the Titanic, it did not stop the ship from going down.

[esgabel]

Thank you for the response...I miss Molly Ivens and Ann Richards too! They were women to emulate, they made me proud and fearless and unafraid to be controversial. They were smart, funny and cared about others. May we all do them proud!

[weg203]

the big shame is there is alot of the electorate that are very gullible therefore you have rovian politics

[LovesMaine]

Read Frank Rich's new column - it's already on the web and will be in tomorrow's Times. It's like I've been saying for weeks. McCain = The Manchurian Candidate.

[SanDiegoReader]

Right on Deanie!!!!!

[NuOrigin]

If she became president, or even VP for that matter, the world would lose all respect for us. I pray they don't steal it this time.

[Star2000dancer]

I've got news for you. GW lost the world's respect for us, & robbed every country he could including his own country. Palin wants more power than Cheney. She gets exorcised for witches, and loves killing animals as well as destroting prisine Alaska by drilling. She is one dangerous momma.

[oldgoose]

While eating in a restaurant in Halifax we befriended a canadian couple who advised us they and their friends thought we had lost our collective minds when we reelected GW.. Not wishing to criticize our country while elsewhere we looked thoughtful, made some evasive comment and promptly changed the subject. If that is what the people who are perhaps most like us anywhere on the planet think of us just you wait if McCain/Palin make it to the White House! They will surely think we have then truly lost our soul! I sure hope the next 30 days are going to give everyone a chance to examine her lifestyle and her beliefs which may not be suitable subjects for discussion but surely should be available for mature examination. She used the debate to demand broader powers as VP if elected instead of showing us who she really is. McCain chose her because he thought he would get the vote of all the disappointed Hillary voters.Don't think that is going to happen. But even more ugly but less surprising considering his record with women he decided to use her to attract the vote of all those "fellows" described by a republican operative a couple days ago, the ones who, using his words, "have to sit a little straighter on the couch" when they see her wiggle and wink routine! Perhaps we need to slow down the Viagara sales, people!

[Bush 08]

i would really love sarah palin as the girl to replace the dumb blonde on the view... but not so much as a vp. "can i call u whoopee?"

[stillidealistic]

Deanie! Huff Post! I'm so proud of you!

[WillfromSF]

Brilliant essay - it was satire, right? Please tell me it was satire? But even if it was, it contains the hard truth that this election really is more about selecting prom queen than the person who is going to pick up the phone at 3am (or 3pm if it's Wall Street imploding). Sarah Palin is really doing a great Tina Fey imitation but if that's what McCain wanted why didn't he pick the real thing. At least Tina has a brain. Forgive my nostalgia, but I actually remember when most people wanted someone of exceptional experience, leadership, and intelligence to lead the most powerful (well last century anyway) organization on Earth. You would think after eight years of horror, even the diehard conservatives would realize you don't pick a President or Veep like Miss Congeniality, but I suppose we're not learning from our mistakes and Armageddon really is just around the corner. Wake me up from this nightmare. Please.

[DeanieMills]

WillfromSF--indeed it was satire. And I know what you mean; Jon Stewart did a hilarious riff on his buddies being president--hanging out of the limo, drunk--as opposed to someone "who IS smarter than me, than GOD!"

[DeanieMills]

OOPS. That was SUPPOSED to be thanK God, not "than God"

[dougleunig]

I have a new understanding of the term "maverick." When John McCain used the term I understood it to mean he (supposedly) didn't always do the thing his party wanted. Now that there is a "maverick" team of McCain-Palin the definition according to Palin's debate performance is "don't expect me to follow the rules and get used to surprises because we are both full of 'em." That's fine for TV westerns, but I prefer my President to be reliable, not bewildering.

[bluevillage]

She's running for Miss Congeniality. Chris Matthews had it right: she acted more like a contestant than a candidate.

[Groovacious]

Frankly, I'm offended by the term "Joe Six-pack".

[PhyllisJane]

So am I. I don't drink alcoholic beverages & could care less about sittin' down to have a beer with SP.

[thinklib]

I like Palin.

I'm sick of the hordes of slimy lawyers infesting Washington. I want farmers, policemen, small business owners, moms, dads, teachers, mechanics, arborists, whatever. Liberal or conservative. Just give me representatives in Washington with a real citizen's perspective.

[krocklin]

You don't see it, but she actually is a ruthless nakedly ambitious politician disguised as an ordinary person. She's trying the same deception that worked in Alaska and hopes it works on you too.

[thinklib]

Your comments apply to a guy named Barack Obama, who's pulled off a big deception in Chicago and is bringing his activism (read: using in-your-face tactics to bring about policies most people don't want) to the presidency.

[gdcb1128]

Really? You want an arborist running the country? You like her? Do you want her making decisions about going to war? You want a representative in Washington that is like you? Go run for Senate or Congress. As far as president or vice president, we need someone with a brain,a leader, that will be thoughtful and inquisitive about decisions. Get a grip on what is at stake here. Read a newspaper if you can name one and realize that people's lives depend on this election. Don't put the lives of my children at stake because you "like her."

[Star2000dancer]

She is a female Bush!!

[mijoda]

Think,
More satire, right?

[Abouttogiveup]

I loved Palin's wink. Sitting in front of my big screen t.v., drinking a brew, I know Sarah's winking was ment for my eyes only. Those lovely eyes, magnified by those very expensive glasses had my blood a boiling. To prevent my significant other from thinking my interest in the debate was fostered by anything other then my keen interest in politics. I was reduced to sitting on my couch with a pillow in my lap for 20 minutes after the debate ended. My Mrs. looked at me, smiled and said "you are so a politicial junky.' If only she knew how correct she was! Wink, wink!

[janice1227]

best giggle I had all day - nice work!

[pennsykid2000]

My biggest complaint is the notion that anyone would take Palin seriously, given the opposing ticket of Obama and Biden. Sarah Palin criticizing Barack Obama and Joe Biden is like my last place Pittsburgh Pirates criticizing the play of the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox--absurd on the face of it!

Palindrome: Short for "Palin Syndrome", making statements that are as nonsensical read forwards as backwards.

[thinklib]

Sarah Palin criticizing Barack Obama is like a lowly stockholder criticizing a corporate CEO.

Oh, wait....

[Jaradan]

More like a hockey mom criticizing the hockey coach.

[Linda Hansen - Huffpost Blogger]

Aw-w-w-w-w, Deanie! What a stellar post!

All I could think as I watched the debate -- and I was supposed to be taking notes for my regular newspaper column -- was "Shiny things...shiny things...shiny things..." followed by a sharp mental image of Betty Boop wriggling onstage, singing "I wanna be loved by you, just you, and nobody else but you..."

And then Sassy Sarah said the "...toxic mess on Main Street is affecting Wall Street..." and I yowled. Really. How dumb can ya get, don'tcha know?

But that gaffe is a little scary. The "toxic mess on Main Street" is the only factor in this race that could possibly cost Obama/Biden a win in November: the poisonous refuse that's gotten us eight years of Dubya -- pathetically under-informed voters who, against all logic, remain enthralled by shiny things and Boop characters...

[Star2000dancer]

Toxic mess created by the entire Bush line, Prescott.friends with Hitler, GH, friends with the Bin Ladens, GW also friends with the Bin Ladens. The country went down everytime anyone was in power. Prescott was President of the World's bank.