11/08/2013 03:10 pm ET Updated Jan 23, 2014

Moving on and Moving Up


There is a plethora of advice that family and friends are more than willing to give once the judge signs your divorce decree, and the across-the-board mantra seems to be, "Move on." That being said, there is so much more to starting your life over than those two words; it is more importantly about "moving up."

Moving on does not equate with quality of life. It simply means you are moving past the place you are currently in. People can move on but not always in a constructive way. Just getting on with your life is not enough if you want to really live your life and be happy in it. You have to move up to a higher level of understanding of yourself and those around you, move up to a life of purpose and passion and move up to a post-divorce, better version of yourself.

Here are some key ways to not only move on but to move up:

Turn any disappointment or heartbreak into something positive by changing your perspective
Hang out with trusted friends
Have your own man/woman cave
Gain emotional stability
Surround yourself with uplifting, positive friends
Spend time reconnecting with people
Seek inner strength
Take care of yourself
Force yourself to get up in the morning and dress to kill
Do not shop; and watch how you relate to food and alcohol
Respect yourself
Look closer at your self talk- your thoughts are what you will bring to yourself
Stop trying to lay blame
Don't keep ruminating about him/her
Restructure your calendar gaps
Get rid of things that remind you of him/her
Think of the negatives as well as the positive moments
Remember why you left him/her
No contact
Stop checking means of communication
When making choices, ask yourself, "Does this action go towards or away from what I want in my life?"
Every day show kindness and gratitude and forgiveness
Make a Vision Board
Do mirror talk-look yourself in the mirror, eye to eye, and tell yourself how special, beautiful and talented you are
Keep a journal
And every day make the choice to make today better

Debbie Martinez is a certified life coach specializing in divorce as well as a Supreme Court certified family mediator with a private practice in South Florida. She can be contacted at